Ignorant Path

Hideous the thought you came to be so low
How once you entranced those around you with the slightest glow
Yet now you fold yourself from the slightest glance
Oh how I pity you now
But fear not for I know you are happy as you are
It is only I that falters
Falters far from the path
The path you chose that many have
Perhaps I am destined to stray afar
But I think not
For the path has no longer lingered far from my door
But has taken my creaking handle and wrenched open the door
Has broken through my unyielding door
The path has grasped for the center
No longer the outskirts
But I shall not let it take me all
For I am water
You can catch all of me yet none
Fasten your net for water does not stay where asked!
The thought of that path makes me stand as unmovable as a wall
And shake
But why do you look glad yet I so sad
I choose to pull close that door that was swung open by an unprepared hand
Yet still I felt the affects of that path
Oh pity me no more
Or have you never pitied me before
But alas no thought to that
Just alow me to be as I once was
Broken and blind like a stubborn bird
I no longer wish to see like the bat
I only wish to be in an ignorant state
Where nothing matters but the next day
I sigh with relief as I feel you leave
Oh my infecting path!
Slam shut the door you opened out of pity I presume
Or have I truly done enough to deserve the blissful state you wrecked into my womb
But hush now
Speak to no one of my revealing
For to them I am unknowing of the beauty of your cancerous path
I am sightless
And I mourn for you once more.

Reading through this the first time, I felt like there were almost too many words, like things were said more properly than they needed to be. Watch out for archaic uses of words such as "yet" and "but fear not" and the use of delicate phrases when bolder words might be better (such as "slightest glow" and "slightest glance").

There are a lot of instances with doors opening and closing, but they were slightly confusing because of their reference within the midst of a linear path. I think that if images such as these are more fundamentally integrated into the larger poem, they might read more seamlessly. I see that the poem is about this journey that the subject must undertake, but the details are fuzzy. I'm not sure whether the subject is running to or away from someone, or why any of that might be. Here, background information would be effective if integrated into the poem.

I only wish to be in an ignorant state

Where nothing matters but the next day

I like these lines a lot because not only are they emotive of the subject, but they connect that emotion to the rest of the poem and in that slight diversion, allow for a change to reassess which direction the poem is going in. They're simple without being simplistic ^_^

Happy writing!

I thought that the path you ment. in this poem was one of going into adulthood. Childhood ignoranceis one of the most amazing things in the world. The whole of the world should learn that the child is one of the most cruel, graceful, and strickingly brillant creatures alive and this is tore away and called wisedom when we reach the path called adulthood. Which trully is sad because adulthood is nothing more than telling yourself I have to be like those other people. More people should stay on the childhood path.