Worthless, Invisible Children

I just wanted to see how people liked this since its very short. The idea just popped into my head while I was sitting at the computer...its very short. I don't intend to make it into a story though.

“Did you see?”
“What, mother?” A young woman said in an exhausted voice, while she walked down the sidewalk.
“That poor dirty child” The mother said.
“I…I didn’t see him, mother” She replied for the millionth time. She silently hoped that this wasn’t another episode. Mother just got out.
“Didn’t see him?” the mother said with horror. She stopped walking and looked straight into the eyes of her daughter.
“How dare you lie to me, Georgina Elizabeth Faraday.” She inhaled to catch her breath, “He was standing right in front of us and you know that.”
“I don’t know that, mother.” Georgie said, muttering under her breath hoping that the situation wouldn’t get out of hand.
The mother fumed. Some people may call her crazy but she knew she wasn’t. There was a boy standing in front of the store window. He wore red overalls and a matching newsboy cap. His grubby dirty hands smudged the newly cleaned glass and his emerald green eyes were fixated in front of him.
“Georgina, believe me this time. I messed up before but this is different.” The mother said it slowly as if it hurt her. She balled her hands into a fist and looked straight ahead.
“Don’t you dare take me back there.” She said.
Georgie was exhausted. Her mother had been out of the hospital for two weeks now. She bought her mother a sequined red dress for a “Back Home” party. Her mother was so happy that she couldn’t wait to put it on. So, as they walked through the McGregor plaza to the grocery store, Ms. Faraday wore her sequined red dress.
“Didn’t look like he had a proper bath in days.” Ms. Faraday said defiantly, straightening up her back. As she went on and on about the boy in the window, Georgie took a white handkerchief out of her purse and wiped her forehead. The weather was exceptionally hot for McGregor. She quickened her pace to get to the door of the cold atmosphere of the grocery store. Soon, she found herself running towards the automatic swinging doors. She ran towards the girl scouts with their cookies. She ran towards the squeaky carts. She ran towards the mother holding her little boy in one hand and a grocery bag in the another. She ran away from her mother.
She could hear her matching red high heels clicking frantically behind her. Georgie could hear her mother yelling for her to wait. To stop.
As she finally reached the entry of the grocery store, Georgie’s mother was right behind her, almost out of breath. But not quite.
“WHAT are you doing?” Ms. Faraday said with her hands on her knees, breathing hard. But then a light bulb went off in her head and she frowned.
“I’m hot, mother. I need some cool air.” Georgie said, turning around to the doors at last.
Ms. Faraday stopped Georgie in her tracks with her icy grip on her shoulder.
“I said don’t lie to me, daughter. I know what you’re up to.” Ms. Faraday’s face was stern and hurt, “You’re afraid of me. Just like all the rest of them.”
Georgie was at a lost of words. Was that what she was actually doing? Had she fooled herself that she was merely hot from the sun?
Of course not. She loved her mother though she did sometimes wish that some other daughter could deal her…disability.
“It’s ok, Georgina. I…I understand. You want me to stop talking about my “visions”. But I can’t. Some day you will understand that God is trying to tell me something.”
Georgie stood there astounded at her mother’s words. She wanted to hug her and make up like she always does. Though, something was tugging at her heart. Her mother’s words were true. It was anger.
“Oh yeah! Well, you know what, mother? You’re right. I want you to go away to your own little land and leave me alone. Can’t you see you’re messing up my life?” Georgie became furious and was oblivious to the people staring around her.
“Huh, mother, can you see? Or can all you see is children? Worthless, invisible children.” Georgie was nearly screaming by then but it was in vain. A red dress with sequins was nowhere to be seen.


Hope you like it!

^_^ Hallo, I'm Hannah. Nice to meet you. Hopefully my review will help a bit, though I know you don't intend to make it into a story.

“What, mother?” A young woman said in an exhausted voice, while she walked down the sidewalk.

First of all, the 'a' doesn't need to be capitalized as it's connected to the quotation. Then... perhaps modify the second part of the sentence to... 'as she walked down the sidewalk next to -insert small description of the mother here?, just a tidbit of something to describe the mother-'.

Euhm, okay, so just remember to use commas with quotations rather than periods and that the sentence that is attached to the quotation doesn't need to be capitalized as it's still part of the sentence.

She stopped walking and looked straight into the eyes of her daughter.

I'm wondering if Georgina would have been looking back at her mother at this point? Perhaps the mother looked straight at her daughter, who then turned to face her? -shrugs-

Some people may call her crazy but she knew she wasn’t.

The change of tense here is abrupt and ruins the flow of the story. Perhaps 'some people called her crazy, but she knew she wasn't'.

His grubby dirty hands smudged the newly cleaned glass and his emerald green eyes were fixated in front of him.

Since 'grubby' and 'dirty' are adjectives of equal weight, there should be a comma between them. Also, fixated should probably have an object, like 'fixated on the window in front of him', or something like that.

She balled her hands into a fist and looked straight ahead.

Either she balled one hand into a fist or she balled both hands into fists.

“Didn’t look like he had a proper bath in days.” Ms. Faraday said defiantly, straightening up her back.

I'd say 'didn't look like he'd had a proper bath', and also I don't think you need to use 'up' in that sentence, just say she was straightening her back, otherwise it makes it seem like she's 'straightening up' a room, which is cleaning/tidying it.

She quickened her pace to get to the door of the cold atmosphere of the grocery store.

The two 'of's make this sentence kind of cumbersome, so I'd suggest putting it this way;
'She quickened her pace, eager to get to the cold atmosphere of the grocery store.'

Soon, she found herself running towards the automatic swinging doors. She ran towards the girl scouts with their cookies. She ran towards the squeaky carts. She ran towards the mother holding her little boy in one hand and a grocery bag in the another. She ran away from her mother.

Beautiful. At first it seemed confusing, but the point at the end is beautifully planned for and well put. I loved this section.

Georgie was at a lost of words. Was that what she was actually doing? Had she fooled herself that she was merely hot from the sun?

'at a loss for words' is the phrase, I believe. Also, perhaps you should say 'had she fooled herself into thinking that she was merely hot because of the sun?'

Of course not. She loved her mother though she did sometimes wish that some other daughter could deal her…disability.

Deal with her.

Georgie stood there astounded at her mother’s words. She wanted to hug her and make up like she always does. Though, something was tugging at her heart. Her mother’s words were true. It was anger.

This passage is troublesome to read, because I can't tell what Georgie is feeling. She's astounded, then feels regret, then she believes her mother, then she's angry? I don't know where all these emotions are coming from and it's upsetting. Please clarify, especially where the anger comes in, because otherwise it comes as a shocking surprise in the next passage. Illustrate, perhaps, how Georgie's had to deal with this for so long that it was like the straw that finally broke the camel's back. ^_^

“Huh, mother, can you see? Or can all you see is children? Worthless, invisible children.” Georgie was nearly screaming by then but it was in vain. A red dress with sequins was nowhere to be seen.

I liked Georgie's line -- that was especially well-written. I would suggest using 'the' red dress rather than 'a', because you're specifically referring to the one Georgie gave her mother, right?

I wonder where her mother went...

Thank you for this beautiful work. ^_^ Keep up the quality writing!