Box

Turn of phrase saved me, just.
I do not vomit, phobia clots my mouth.
I can lie, you know, I know
I never told you that.
My teeth shatter when I’m afraid
Explanations hidden in my useless tongue.

I never told you I was afraid,
Just my breath steamed out red, and I snapped and bit
Cursed and curdled screams, at midnight, at full moon
Insults flow easily then.

I needed you close, but not in with me
A consultant, not an accomplice, to get out free
Like light as air, later maybe
My head won’t weigh down like lead.

I feel like childlike, in colours and tears, smiles,
I calculate, like a lawyer I balance subjects with paperweights
And compare my colours and numbers.
I lock this up, and plead with myself guilty. Not guilty.

I will tell you at the end and the beginning,
I will drag out the scarves colour by colour and
Reasons numbered 1, 2, 3…
I will tell you.
Like throwing up stones from my stomach,
And letting them fall, 3...4...5…into your palm.
I will exhale and the breath will melt from white,
We will begin.

This was a very interesting poem to read, mostly because for a little while, I wasn't quite sure what to make of it, seeing things running out in every which direction. I really like the use of imagery, especially the phobia clotting the vomit in the second line, and repetition is well-used in sounds such as "like light as air, later maybe" followed closely by "lead", all in the third stanza.

I calculate, like a lawyer I balance subjects with paperweights

^ I see what you're going for, but I think you can make *much* more out of this line both in and of itself as well as in context. Try emphasizing the paperweights more, and that might balance things out (I'm also not quite sure what the lawyer/subject balance really means).

At first glance, down the left margin of the poem, I thought to myself "there's so many uses of "I"!" but in fact, I think it might work out in your favor. The "I will tell you." line is nicely placed and the transition to "we" at the very end doesn't go unnoticed. Play with the rest of the stanza a little more, though; at times it seems as if there's too much 'stuff' contained within it.

Good luck!

Yeah this is kind of stuffed to the brim with different stuff because i didn't have a specific topic while writing it, just really everything that was happening to me at the time.

The lawyer part is about trying to make decisions logically as opposed to emotionally, trying to weigh up options and think about practical things instead of deciding by what you feel.


thank you for the crit ^^