This was a short story that I wrote, and was looking for some feedback to improve my future writings. All feedback appreciated!
3… I listened to the pounding of my heart, as it threatened to burst out of my chest.
2… I stole a quick glance at the teenager in the car next to me; he was looking back wearing a daunting, mischievous smile.
1… I revved my engine, hopefully appearing allot tougher than I was feeling.
GO… With a sudden speed I shot from the starting line, leaving my rival behind.
My competition drew level with me, his black car reflecting the last patch of sun into my eyes, before the next torrential downpour of rain began. “Joseph doesn’t have a chance, my cousin tricked your car out to the max” David punched me lightly on the arm. I swerved slightly to the left, he meant it as a joke, but he was drunk and even though he was usually as weak as a chicken, right now I felt weaker than a mouse. People say that when you’re nervous, you get butterflies in your stomach, but I would describe the feeling more as a herd of elephants trampling their way through my lower intestines.
This race was a bad idea from the beginning; I never should have allowed myself to get talked into it. If my parents find out, I will be worse than grounded, and if I don’t finish the race, well, my parents will defiantly find out. Judging by the accuracy of which Joseph is handling all the corners, I won’t win. But if I can finish the race, then I don’t care if I have to give up my car.
I crashed into the barrier on the side of the road. Minor damage to the car, but it was my hopes of winning that plummeted as I heard the ear-piercing resonance, the grinding of metal on metal. I knew that mum and dad would be trashed if they found out, and upon feeling the lurching of the car as I hit the same barrier in the second lap of the race, I knew that I would be an epic challenge to hide my nights’ activities from those eagle eyed monsters.
I could no longer see the competition, only 2 more laps to go, I told myself, I can’t back out now, only 2 short laps to go. Bump, what was that? Bump, there it was again. I quickly glanced at the rear view mirror. I squinted through the haze of the rain to see that it was Joseph! He was about to lap me, and here I was thinking I was nearly done. Here he comes again; he forcibly nudges me in the rear bonnet. I fight for control. The steering wheel is getting hard to handle, my tires slip in the puddle from the nights rain.
My mind was racing, but my car wasn’t. A thick cloud of mist steamed from under the hood, creating a further layer between me and the outside world. The tire marks were barely visible through the sleet, but it was all I could see. The black marks, symbolizing my driving ability, were painstakingly imprinted in my mind, as permanent as a branding on a cow. Joseph must have finished the race by now. There seemed no point in starting the car again. Somehow I willed myself to press down on the pedal. The car took a quick jolt, forcing me unexpectedly forward. I took a bump to the head, I couldn’t think strait. Maybe I should take a rest. That’s it, a short rest. Think responsibly now, I told myself, I don’t want to drive in these conditions. My field of vision slowly faded into a small circle, my mind going blank. Wait a second, what happened to David? I tried to look behind me, the restraint of a seatbelt held me back, and my mind insisted on taking a break.
I heard sirens everywhere, a pounding headache magnifying the irritating sound tenfold. A man was looking at me astonished. He called more paramedics over. “You’re going to be okay, just hang in there” he told me. David! I tried to ask him what had happened to my friend, but simply couldn’t. The first problem was that there was an oxygen mask attached to my face, but other than that, I didn’t want to hear the man say that he wasn’t going to make it. I imagined the race over and over in my head, why had I made such a stupid decision? It turned out more interesting than the frantic doctors hurriedly running about, so I gratefully passed out again.
3…
“Come on Josh, I just want a little race. 3 laps around the city, winner gets both cars. From the way you talk about your mad racing skills, you get a free car.” I laughed; he didn’t know that I was pro at the video games, rather a novice at the real stuff. “Nah, I don’t think racing is my kind of ride” I told him, hoping to close the subject. “Come on…” I recalled gym class yesterday, he had sharp reflexes. “No.” I said firmly, and started to walk off. “Stacy’s going to be there…” he said in a casual, innocent voice. I stopped in my tracks. He was teasing me, and he knew that I wouldn’t be able to resist…
2…
“...Right turn at the end of Wilson Street, left turn back at 22nd street. You’ll see max waving the flag and complete the circuit 4 times. We got a race?” I nodded slowly, trying to memorize the corners and street names of the map that was scrawled out in front of me. All the twists and turns were making me dizzy. I knew that it was impossible, but back out now and I would be deemed chicken for life.
1…
“Hey, you want a car to race in tonight?” I interpreted thought the layer of static that screamed at me, forcing me to hold the ear piece 10 cm from my face and causing me shout into the phone. “Nah, like my Dodge Viper, Do you think that It’ll be done by tonight?” I asked, hoping for some problems at the shop, and a chance to put this behind me once and for all. David didn’t sound so sure, maybe it was the early morning daze you got from waking up at 7:00 on a Sunday morning, or the pouring rain causing monster static on both ends, but what I was sure about was that neither of us wanted it to go down this way. “Look, I’ll sit in the back and keep you company” he suggested, sensing my unease.
STOP…
“No…” I said firmly. In my mind, I was huddled up under a layer of thick blankets, regretting my innocents and tempting fate. In real life, I stood firm, trying not to think about the nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine ways this could go wrong. He stared at me, in the cold hard way that nobody but Joseph could pull off. He sighed, “I guess you’re right, we don’t want any accidents here do we?” I smiled, thanking god that he was seeing my side of the argument instead of thumping me. “Get in the car” he bellowed at me viciously. I sighed, and prepared for the race, taking a long last glance at Stacy, who was cheering us on from the sideline.
Good job with that!
