Memories revival

This has no specific structure or rhyming structure.
I just listened to a piano song that inspired me to this. Say it's sucks, say it's okay. Judge it as you want. It's my piece of work, and I'm proud of it in every way.



I sit at my piano
And the music starts to flow
The ancient melody I know,
Takes me back to the past
I’m with you.

We revive the memories
Of our past times together
Our laughs, our songs
To these moments,
My heart still belongs.

As the notes reach a higher
And a more melodic sound
I know you’ll have to go,
My friend.
Like a tragic story
Coming to an end.

The notes start to fade,
There is no more time.
I say goodbye,
See you soon.
I’ll play again at noon.

I step of the piano,
And go to your grave.
I tell you I’ve seen you
Again and again, everyday.
I live in this dream
Where your death is not real.
I wish beside you I could be.
But for now,
You’re real enough for me.

It sucks!!!!!!

Just kidding, it does in no way suck. But then, if it did, I wouldn't say so...

*writewatiwant* wrote:

I sit at my piano
And the music starts to flow
The ancient melody I know,
Takes me back to the past
I’m with you, at last. I feel as if at last seems out of touch with the fact this person is in the past..you know what I mean? You don't have to rhyme here because you have no scheme, so yeah.

We revive the memories
Of our past times together
Our laughs, our songs
To these moments,
My heart belongs.
I feel like you need to be stronger: My heart always belongs, my heart still belongs...some extra word

As the notes reach a higher
And melodic sound More melodic
I know you’ll have to go,
My friend.
Like a tragic story
Coming to an end.

The notes start to extinguish, I'm not feeling the word choice here. extinguish is sudden, like putting out a fire. Maybe fade, or some piano word I can't remember
There is no more time.
I say goodbye,
See you soon.
I’ll play again at noon.

I step of the piano,
And go to your grave.
I tell you I’ve seen you
Again and again, everyday.
I live in this dream
Where your death is not real.
I wish beside you I could be.
But for now,
You’re real enough for me I feel this line could be clearer, like the in the music you're real or something. But that would mess with the rhyme. Still, needs improvement.

Awwww this is sad and sweet. It reminds me alot of Casablanca, even though she's not dead or whatever but they play as time goes by and yeah...Nevermind me. I thought it was a bit clumsy at times but the piece came off well in the end.

I think this is beautiful.
I love how you tied music into the story.
I have no criticism,
except that at the end of the first stanza, I would take off "at last"

*writewatiwant* wrote:this has no specific structure or rhyming structure. I just listen to a piano song that inspired me to this. Say it's sucks, say it's okay. Judge it as you want. It's my piece of work, and I'm proud of it in every way.



I sit at my piano
And the music starts to flow
The ancient melody I know,
Takes me back to the past
I’m with you, at last.

We revive the memories
Of our past times together
Our laughs, our songs
To these moments,
My heart belongs.

As the notes reach a higher
And melodic sound
I know you’ll have to go,
My friend.
Like a tragic story
Coming to an end.

The notes start to extinguish,
There is no more time.
I say goodbye,
See you soon.
I’ll play again at noon.

I step of the piano,
And go to your grave.
I tell you I’ve seen you
Again and again, everyday.
I live in this dream
Where your death is not real.
I wish beside you I could be.
But for now,
You’re real enough for me.

Thanks both for the reviews! And biancafanatic03, welcome to YWS!