Fairytale

Hand in his
Warm, damp, and firm.
Fingers curl.
Lips upturn into a crooked smile.
Blue birds sing, sun shines.
Like any cliche fairytale of young exuberant romance,
the lovers passion is bright and irrevocable.

Cute. It's a bit too short to really say much about, but there wasn't much rhythm. And I'm guessing you already know this, but it was a bit cliched.
Work on this. Extend it. Get to the root of your passion and love. Make the reader feel what you feel. I didn't gain anything from reading this.

Welcome to YWS!

Sorry, but this is total cxxp.... No rhythm, just scrabble of words and nothing more. Your verses are "hitting" each other
(eg. Hand in his --warm--
Warm, damp, and firm.)

First verses are good for its length but last ones are too long for that.

Punctuation is bad. It crashes everything that you build in this poem.

Last verse:... is bright and irrevocable... so what with it?

I think darko was unnecessarily harsh. This has real potential!

Hand in his

Warm, damp, and firm.

Fingers curl.

I don't understand this "fingers curl" line. It sounds like they are already holding hands, so why would their fingers be curling? I think it would make more sense to say "fingers curled." Then it would be an adjective.

Lips upturn into a crooked smile.

Blue birds sing, sun shines.

These lines are good, though "crooked" might not be my favorite choice of words for this poem.

Like any cliche fairytale of young exuberant romance,

the lovers passion is bright and irrevocable.

My real problem with this piece is the use of the word cliche here. If you are trying to describe their love in a negative way, I think saying it is cliche is a bit too obvious. Does that make sense? The poem with be a lot better if you could show what you mean by this sentence, rather than telling. To do this, I think you need to make the poem longer, maybe twice as long. If you want the reader to really understand what you're trying to say, there needs to be more too it.

But I love the last line. ("lovers" should end with an apostrophe for possession, though.) The use of the word "irrevocable" here is really unexpected and interesting - a great impression to leave with the reader as the poem ends.

Good start! Make sure to keep reviewing - that's how I have learned what makes a good poem! I hope to see more from you!

rachel

This is one of those poems that do not rhyme but still has the rhythm that only the best of poetry possess.

Hand in his
Warm, damp, and firm.
Fingers curl.
Lips upturn into a crooked smile.
Blue birds sing, sun shines.
Like any cliche fairytale of young exuberant romance, This seems too long, split it up maybe
the lovers passion is bright and irrevocable. It's lover apostrophe s because 's means posession and it's their passion.

I like it; short and simple and sweet but perhaps you could elaborate more on it, have detail and go deeper