Life

I heard a loud noise against the window of my mothers room. I went to investigate, and there in the bushes was a beautiful hawk that was brown with white specks, and yellow eyes. It started plucking feathers from itself and I wanted to rush out and help it because I thought it was hurt. The hawk looked up at me and I caught a glimpse of a sparrow in it’s talons. I realized that the look the hawk had given me was a hungry one. The hawk savagely continued to rip the wings and feathers from the sparrow. At first I was shocked. But then I remembered that hawks are carnivores and that is the only way for them to survive. As I write this, I am shaking, and thinking that our lives are not so different.
I returned to the window, and as if it was waiting for me, the hawk was there. It gave me a brief look that seemed almost disdainful and flew into a near by tree. I looked at the remains of the sparrow that he had devoured in less than two minutes. All that was left was a scattering of feathers. The hawk had done it’s job well, I couldn’t even see a drop of blood on the snow. The sparrow was gone without a trace except for it’s feathers which will soon blow away and possibly be discovered by a child who will put it in a secret place for keeping and then it will be forgotten. Someday, I to will forget the sparrow whose life was taken to feed the hawk. But if I had found the hawk dying, would I not try to help it. I had at first had fellow feeling for the hawk when I thought it was hurting itself, and when I found out what it was truly doing, then I felt sorry for the sparrow. But no matter what, at some time I felt sorry for both creatures of the air. How the tide turns.
What I’m trying to say is that in life, at some time we care for our enemies. I would hate for that beautiful hawk to die, and I was sad that the sparrow had to sacrifice itself so that the hawk could live. It just kind of makes you think…


I'm not really looking for critique, I just wanted to put this out there to see what people think. Also, please note that this post was for the most part written while I was watching the hawk, the second paragraph was written after I had taken time off of looking at the hawk to write the first paragraph. Life is savage and brutal but also beautiful, often at the same time.

I liked this a lot. I get what you mean here. That's also amazing that you got to see something like that.

It was well written too. I hope you don't mind if I point out a couple of things.

I went to investigate, and there in the bushes was a beautiful hawk that was brown with white specks, and yellow eyes.

Good description here, but it is a long sentence. Putting the description of the hawk in a seperate sentence would help make it sound better.

As I write this, I am shaking, and thinking that our lives are not so different.

You don't need that second comma there.

But if I had found the hawk dying, would I not try to help it.

Are you saying that as a question or a coment? That is a bit confusing there.

Again, I thought it was well written. I also thought the actual moral behind the post was good too.

Good job!

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. I realize I made some mistakes, but my excuse for that is that I had just written it and stupidly forgot to edit it myself first. Oh well, I've learned from my mistakes, and next time I'll do better. Thank you.

This was a beautiful piece. I know exactly what you mean. Such beautiful symbolism here. Well, I spotted something, though you didn't want a critique.

my mothers room.

That should be mother's.

The sparrow was gone without a trace except for it’s feathers which will soon blow away and possibly be discovered by a child who will put it in a secret place for keeping and then it will be forgotten.

This seems like a run on sentence. Maybe you could put the part about the child in a different sentence.

Well, that's it. This was, to use a quote from your piece, beautifully savage. This was an amazing sight to behold, and you've done it well. I hope to see more from you. Thank you for a great piece, writingmouse. I'll be seeing you.

that was cool I wish that I could see something like that. i don't mean to sound insensitive to the sparrow, as I do feel sorry that It had to die because of a hawk ripping it to shreds, but I would have given anything to see that!
I'm fascinated by the social structure of animals, and how they eat, sleep... how do birds sleep standing up like that? Anyway, I want to take biology when i can.
It's so sad that the bird had to die!

That's the circle of life, but I've never thought of it in such a perspective.