My Perfection

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The horizon a perfect red-orange
The ocean a deep blue
Under the arising moon and stars

I hear the crash of a wave behind me
I lay on my board and stare at the starry abyss
The gentle rock of the sea
As I stay afloat the wooden plank

Relaxed as ever
The sense of calm and pure bliss
On the shore I hear a light melody

I find a man sitting in the sand
In his hands is a guitar which he strums with grace
His milky brown hair brushing his cheeks
A light smile crawls to his lips as he waves me in

I meet him in the shallow depths of the shore
He embraces me gently sweeping strands of wet hair out of my eyes
His bright blue orbs gaze deep into brown ones

We stay magnetically held together
Enjoying the silence the scent the joy surrounding us
Nothing could dare to destroy this moment of my perfection
When the world explodes, I won't panic. I'll lay down and watch the sky. The last word to leave my lips will be "Boom"
Love you Mary-boo




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Gender Female
Points 10701
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Hey there! Welcome to YWS!
This has good potential. but it needs a bit of revision.
I'm gonna do some suggestions. You don't have to change it. Or maybe use them in your one way. My thoguhts are in bold. They're mostly about punctuation.

The horizon: a perfect red-orange
The ocean: a deep blue
Under the arising moon and stars

This isn't bad. It's a good start.

Relaxed as ever
The sense of calm and pure bliss.
On the shore I hear a light melody


The last stanzas lack of punctuation and are too long; it ruins the flow.
Those are my advices.
Keep writing!
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don't spell it. You feel it.

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