If you're new to this, I am just looking for your initial thoughts. Do you find this engaging? Would you want to read further? If you're curious to compare and contrast, the origional chapter one can still be found in my portfolio.
Any comments or critiques for improvement overall when it comes to the quality of the piece?
I am submitting this manuscript to an agent within the next few days and would greatly appreciate any feedback. Positive or negative so long as its constructive and helpful.
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For those of you who have been following this piece, this chapter does not follow immediately after Chapter 8. I will no longer be posting full chapters or in order (as explained in the Chapter 8 post).
Enjoy - any questions PM but I would defiantely appreciate any reviews or advice. If you would like to read the previous chapters to brush up on the story, they can be found in my portfolio.
Cheers ~ Sorsha.
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Chapter One
February 3rd, 2002 Toronto, Ontario
The first thing Laura noticed about the chilly February night was the moon. It hung there in the evening sky, full and round and rimmed with red. The eerie hue made her initially think of blood, young and fresh, yet to be spilled. It was silly, she thought. She'd seen the moon thus colored before; never once had it left her feeling so unsettled. But it did tonight. Everything about her current surroundings left her unsettled. Snow drifted in clumsy flakes and skirted past her with the restless breeze. The knapsack she had heaved over one shoulder felt as though it weighed close to twenty pounds from all the burdensome textbooks she was forced to cart around day after day.
‘High school is the best years of your life. Don’t squander them.’ That was what her parents told her more often then she cared to admit. What did they know? Things had changed over the last thirty odd years since they’d been seventeen themselves, how could they possibly compare their experiences from back then to Laura’s present reality? Especially since, thanks to certain Canadian political figures, grade thirteen had been abolished and all the course material that would have been carefully stretched over the period of five years was now clumsily tossed together into a scant four.
She was now facing her final year as part of the double cohort, or the ‘guinea pig generation’ as she had affectionately dubbed her age group. From the first day she’d set foot inside of Dr. Norman Bethune Collegiate Institute, Laura, along with the rest of her peers, had been bombarded with wave upon wave of academic expectations. It had been an endless stream of assignments and papers, tests and exams, essays and reports, all of it crushing against them with such brutal intensity at times she could scarcely breathe let alone think. And these were to be the ‘supposed’ best years of her life? That didn’t leave much room for a comforting thought. To make matters worse, it wasn’t like she had her life mapped out as of yet.
Already they were expecting them to plan their career paths and to make life altering decisions. How was she supposed to have all the answers at only seventeen? Christ she wasn’t even allowed to vote…or drink alcohol, yet they demanded she know something as important and profound as what she wanted in life, to know where she belonged…who had these answers? From what she could gather, not even her parents had managed to figure this out for themselves.
The wind, as if sensing her agitation, blew harder and so Laura wrapped her arms tightly around her to brace against the brutal cold tearing through her down-filled coat. Tonight, after four long years, she was coming close to leaving it all behind. She’d finally completed her latest assignment for her philosophy class. It had taken three solid weeks to complete, countless hours in front of the computer, and more late nights then she cared to tally. Snow and ice crunched loudly under her heavy winter boots and was the only sound she could hear above the wind.
With her father on the road pulling a second job as a driver for a catering company there was no one able to pick her up from the library. There was the bus, but after eight p.m. everyone knew it was never on time. She’d likely still be standing at the bus stop right now if she hadn’t decided to walk the distance instead. Besides, she liked walking. It always gave her time to think, which lately seemed to be more of a luxury then a right. It was a good twenty minute hike to her apartment building from the public library and while her mother wasn’t fond of her daughter wandering about once it got dark, there had been no other alternative. She knew her mother especially hated it when Laura ventured through the ravine, even though cutting across the field and through the copse of trees saved fifteen minutes of travel time, she was convinced that it was unsafe. And so, to make her mother happy, she promised to go the longer way…unless it was brutally cold, like tonight, then she would take her short cut. What her mother didn’t know couldn’t possibly hurt her.
The wind bristled against her in a fierce gust and for a moment the wide expanse of black sky, smoky clouds, faint stars and red moon was hidden behind the thick wool of her heavy black scarf where her face was now buried. Feet heavy from her winter boots, she trudged wearily through the shin-deep snow. It was thick and compact with a layer of ice on the top layer making it difficult to wade through, but heading through the wide open field was the quickest route home and home was all she could seem to think about. To be safe and warm and tucked away in bed with her lavender curtains to close off the hazy glow of a red moon from her sight and mind. With each passing of the wind, the ice covered trees hedged alongside her near the ravine rattled like bones and sent shadows skirting along the pale snow, like hands trying to snatch her from where she stood. Grasping, clawing and ravenous hands...
<Run.> Laura stopped in mid stride and everything around her immediately went quiet. The howling of the wind vanished, the heavy steps of her feet stilled and only the pounding of her heart filled the void. No one had spoken, at least she was sure that no one had since she was standing there – all alone, in the middle of the field that led into Trafalgar Ravine. Eyes peeling around frantically through the gloom and darkness, she could see nothing aside from the vast field and dead trees. Calm down Laura, she mentally slapped herself. There is no one here.
No one, she thought, except for the blood red moon.
With a deft jerk Laura adjusted her heavy knapsack onto her other shoulder to ease the tension that had built in a blink of an eye. “You’re exhausted, drained and starving; therefore as a result you are not only standing around talking to yourself but hearing random voices in your head to boot.” She smiled but there was no warmth in it. “You’re clearly losing it.” Rubbing a gloved hand over her eyes she took a deep breath and filled her shaky lungs with frigid air. Of course she was exhausted, aside from school she pulled a part time job at Shoppers Drug Mart that was demanding ridiculous hours, her stressful love life and the constant turmoil at home with her bickering parents and feuding sisters, it was no wonder she was falling apart. Who wouldn’t snap under such pressure?
She began to walk again, forcing any other depressing thoughts from her mind and instead tried to think of something other then the sinister trees, or the faint but eerie haze of red around the moon, combined with the sensation that she was being observed … followed…pursued. God why had she watched the Halloween Movie Marathon last night? The last thing she needed was to picture Michael Meyers appearing from the mist with his knife in hand ready to carve a hole in her six inches wide.
Just when she was about to laugh at how ridiculous she was being, there was a sound. It was quiet at first and would have been easy enough to miss if it hadn’t drawn closer.
Laughter.
Laura turned so sharply she almost lost her footing. The chill that crept up her spine was not from the cold of the fierce wind. It was fear that gripped her now.
<Run.> The voice returned, so loud it could have come from right next to her, Laura jumped at hearing it causing her knapsack to fall; it tumbled at Laura’s feet with her books spilling out into the snow. With eyes scanning the surrounding area, Laura struggled to calm her senses and forced herself to think with a cool and rational head. There had been talk of a sexual predator making his way through Mississauga and picking on young high school girls, perhaps he had decided to try his luck in Scarborough since the police were keeping tabs on the area. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out the smooth and sleek extending bar her sister had convinced her to carry, along with a small bottle of mace that her now ex-boyfriend had given her last week.
“W…wh…whoever you are!” Laura called out, struggling to keep her voice firm and defiant. “I have a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it if I have to. I suggest you pick on someone else, do you hear me?!” Turning full circle she scanned around her but the heavy beating of her heart filled her head and blurred her vision; the terror welling up inside was making it near impossible to think. For a moment only silence greeted her and she pondered running back towards the houses, someone would surely wake up … someone would surely hear…
Just then, up ahead there was movement. It was hard to make out at first, as a figure dipped in and out of the moon light. Laura felt as if she was frozen to the spot, she couldn’t think or feel or move. Everything around her was spinning and she thought she’d pass out from fear. A man stood in the dim glow, his face was shrouded in shadow but his eyes, they shone…no, burned red in his sockets. His hands flexed at his sides and she knew, even before he broke from where he stood, that he intended to charge.
<Run!> This time when the voice called to her, as desperate as her fear, she obeyed the command and its urgency. She did not remember dropping the mace or the extending bar, but she did and she would not stop or turn around or hesitate. Instead she ran, screaming at the top of her lungs and would continue to do so until her lungs gave out or she made it home and safe from her assailant. Laura pumped her arms and legs furiously, careening down the street and turned sharply. Up ahead she was faced with the dense throng of trees and felt a small glimmer of hope. The snow sucked at her feet like quick sand, pulling her down and weighing her legs but she fought through it. She was too close to give up now. Being the fastest girl on her school’s track team, Laura knew that if she could make it past the trees then she could lose him in the ravine.
The air she sucked in was cold and burned her lungs like icy fire. The boots were heavy and the coat weighed her down. Every limb begun to ache and scream in protest but she would not stop. She could not stop. The steady beat of his feet behind her was beginning to grow more distant and without turning around to confirm, Laura knew that she was gaining ground. Once she broke through the tree line, she crashed down the hill and didn’t break in stride until she’d hit the small creek. Pressing her back to the thick trunk of a willow tree she greedily sucked in air and placed a hand to her chest which was laboring for breath. She’d been running for so long she wasn’t sure that she had it in her to take another step. Her head felt light from her labored breathing and rapidly coursing blood, her legs began to go weak from fatigue.
Laura’s body was trembling now from exertion but it had been worth it. She’d lost him. There would be no way for him to find her in here. She’d just have to wait it out since her cell phone was in her bag which she’d dropped, along with her wallet and keys. Laura knew she’d be unable to contact anyone for help. In an hour or so, her mom would be out scouring the neighborhood. Someone had to have heard her scream; maybe they were already calling the police. Maybe her attacker had been scared away.
I’ll just wait, she thought. Soon I will hear the sirens and I will know that I am safe. She thought, confident that the cold would keep her awake. Crouching low she brought her wool gloved hands to her lips and blew hotly against them to warm them through while the soft trickle of the creek cut through the quiet edge of the night.
Movement to her left caught her attention and just in that instant, Laura felt her blood turn as cold as the ice around her.
He stood there, as he had stood there before in the empty field, still and unmoving. His eyes, at first hidden in the dark, began to glow red once more and his mouth parted in a sneer. The hands that had flexed before turned to paws and his limbs twisted and bent while his body changed and became that of a beast. When he stepped out into the light it was to reveal a creature much like that of a wolf, but far larger and sinister in appearance. It bore a savage grin with jagged teeth, claws that appeared as if able to slash through flesh and break bone along with a thick ridge of russet colored fur running down its back like a blade.
The animal surged forwards in a bounding leap; Laura turned to run but her legs were weak and stiff, pain shot up her limbs in a vicious pulse to match the pounding in her chest. Suddenly, there was deafening snap and the world shook violently before it gave out from under her. Laura was falling, plummeting towards the abyss, and both she and the light of the moon were sucked into a void of darkness and shadows.
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Were it not for the blinding pain, Laura would have thought herself to have been dead.
The impregnable pitch blackness swamped her; the surroundings were a hazy blur underneath the hiss of agony streaking from her scalp, along her neck and channeling down her spine. Nausea twisted her stomach like a mass of slick, knotted eels and forced her to be violently ill with bile exploding from her mouth in lumpy waves of sick. Turning her head, Laura retched and retched, unable to stop the assault of it until her stomach was empty. Body wracked with a few dry heaves, she rolled over and whimpered as fresh pain whipped down her back from the movement.
So, she was not dead and she was not paralyzed. Instead she was injured; just how bad she was uncertain. She had fallen and thought that it was best not to move too much until she knew just how bad her injuries really were. Lifting her right hand to her face she began her exploration. The skin was scrapped raw with dirt and grime coating thick in the deep scores in her flesh now matted with drying blood. Experimentally she rotated the wrist and flexed the fingers, it was tender but it didn’t protest overly much. Good sign as it meant there were no broken bones as of yet to be discovered. She repeated the process with her left which was in slightly worse shape but still was able to move it with only mild discomfort.
Inch by inch she searched, prodded and probed along her torso. Laura found scraps and cuts, a few tender areas but, from what she could gather, no major concerns. Only when she tried to move her right leg did something click, the sound masked almost immediately by her howl of distress. Just below the knee the bone had been fractured and now had completely snapped from movement. Overhead, a pale shaft of moonlight filtered through damp wooden beams nearly two stories overhead.
She had been running. No…she had been chased. Then the ground had given way under her feet and she had fallen. Now she had awoken in dark, damp and foul surroundings, the memory of her desperate flight from her faceless pursuer had been a forgotten memory buried underneath the pain. Now panic and fear trickled down her spine to mix with the blistering pain. Heart hammering loudly, it pounded with fast and rapid beats high in her throat. She was trembling so violently she practically vibrated. It was the cold, she told herself. The cold and fear, and shock now setting in.
The urge to wretch again was one she had barely been able to suppress. Everything around her was a wall of impenetrable black. Somewhere she could hear the residual drip of water against stone, and the skittering feet of critters moving in the night with the sweeping howl of the wind funneling down from above to join the chorus of eerie nighttime sounds.
Maybe she hadn’t been chased. Maybe she had simply imagined it. Head swimming from the fall, it felt like it was growing two sizes too big for her body from the relentless throbbing. Now she was trapped in a hole she could never even hope to climb out of with a broken leg and a concussion. Where was her bag? Eyes quickly and desperately skipped about but the heavy knapsack was nowhere insight. She had dropped it before she’d started running, she hadn’t to stop to pick it up…hadn’t wanted anything to weigh or slow her down.
Now she was trapped, defenseless and without a cell phone.
Shivering from both cold and terror, Laura pulled herself with her hands, wincing as the sting of her abused palms scrapped against the course rock and dirt underneath her body, until her back connected with something cold, hard and solid. A wall. Tipping her head back, she could clearly see the moon now, the full, round orb haloed with red.
It had been the first thing she’d noticed tonight when she’d made her long trek home from the public library. Odd that it had left her so unsettled. Her mother had always warned her about crossing through the field and ravine at night, and like all stubborn teenagers, Laura had rarely listened. Now she understood why.
Tears streaming down her blood and dirt stained cheeks, Laura inched herself upright. The pain in her leg was becoming unbearable, so much so that she was numb from anything else except that. It could take hours, days even before anyone found her. Head tipped back, Laura opened her mouth and began to scream at the blood red moon. A sound, however faint, cut through her and went deep to the bone. Laughter, soft and mocking, reverberated off the stone walls. Her cries caught in her throat now thick with panic and fear.
Oh no, oh no—he’s found me. Her thoughts raced through her head as quickly as the blood from her furiously beating heart. The man…the man who had become a monster. And just as if out of a nightmare, the creature stepped from the shadows and darkness and into a pale shaft of moonlight. Its russet colored fur took on the color of rusty, old blood. In a powerful lunge the beast descended upon her, swallowing up her screams. Teeth, sharp as blades, sank in deep and crunched against bone. Air refused to enter her lungs. Everything blurred and what had once felt cold now burned. Heat, such blinding heat filled her body from head to toe, blazing across every inch of her like an inferno. A face gazed down at her. His face, the man—no longer the beast. He appeared almost perfect but there was darkness in his eyes and it contorted his features into a mask of evil. She tried to speak, to beg but her mouth, her body, nothing seemed to obey her desperation. She was frozen, still as stone with tears of terror shining in the depths of her eyes. There was so much agony, so much hurt that she was sure it was going to kill her.
A fingertip skimmed against her lips and he stroked away her tears with hands as cold as death.
“I could kill you, right here and now. You would be defenseless to stop me, it would be easy.” He nuzzled her, tongue and lips gliding along her skin to lap up her tears. “Indeed, that had been my original thought…but now that I think on it, where would the fun be in that? Let’s make this game more interesting. Instead of everlasting death, I give you the gift of eternity.” His lips parted in a grin and fangs lowered like the retractable claws of a cat. Laura opened her mouth to scream but all that she managed was a terrified gasp. When his teeth sank in deep at her throat, her body bowed and heaved. The flow of blood ebbing from her turned Laura’s veins to fire and ice. Air was sucked from her lungs just as he was draining her blood and with every passing second she was being drawn deeper and deeper into shadows while all else faded around her.
He gulped greedily and the hands that caged her face trembled as he was torn between his desire to stop the frenzy and the urgency to feed. Finally, he ripped himself away with great difficulty, there was a feral roar that forced its way from his throat as he struggled to contain and quell the hunger. His face inched above her with a smile now stained crimson. Her blood had tasted so sweet. So pure and innocent. But it was the life, the energy coupled with fear that always excited him the most.
“If you are the prophesized,” He smirked. “I know you can hear me. It won’t be long, my sweet.” Lips closed over her mouth in a sickening kiss then scrapped along her cheek to feather her ear. “No, my beauty, it won’t be long. The demon will claim your body and your soul will perish. We shall see what is to come of the prophecy when you are one with the very thing you have been foretold to destroy.”
Laura’s lips parted ever so slightly. In her mind she was screaming, engulfed in a raging inferno of pain and fire which exploded from where his teeth had made their mark only to spread until it consumed her in the blaze. She wanted to cry out, to move; to breathe but she couldn’t. Instead she was frozen, locked inside a cage which had once been her body.
<Laura.> The voice called out to her again. The same voice that had told her to run; that had tried to warn her was crying out on the breeze and she could hear it. So could he…
Her attacker pulled himself upright, his eyes gleaming against the soft pale skin and russet hair. His grin never dimmed, even when the rest of him broke away into a mist blacker than night; soon after that too faded away on the chilly winter breeze, leaving her alone to sink into death and shadows.
But you must do what you have to do. I hope to hear about you someday getting this published!