A Memoir

I have many owners—
Most are young, few are old,
And the scary thing is:
They all have the same goal

They push me around,
And cause me great stress
Want to hear of my treatment?
Or can you already guess?

I’m thrown and I’m beaten,
I can’t take it anymore!
I’m sore from being thrown
Upon the cold, hard floor

They do this for hours,
Even more – it’s true!
If you were in my position,
Tell me: what would you do?

I shouldn’t just sit around
And let this keep going,
But without all this abuse,
What’s the point of knowing:

That I serve no other purpose
But to give these people joy
Through my pain and my suffering,
I am viewed as a toy

They play all day,
and they play to win—
whether with their friends
or with their kin,

And when they lose,
Who takes the fall?
Me, of course—
The basket ball.

anti-pop wrote:I have many owners—
Most are young, few are old,
And the scary thing is:
They all have the same goal

They push me around,
And cause me great stress
Want to hear of my treatment?
Or can you already guess?

I’m thrown and I’m beaten,
I can’t take it anymore!
I’m sore from being thrown
Upon the cold, hard floor

They do this for hours,
Even more – it’s true!
If you were in my position,
Tell me: what would you do?

I shouldn’t just sit around
And let this keep going,
But without all this abuse,
What’s the point of knowing:

That I serve no other purpose
But to give these people joy
Through my pain and my suffering,
I am viewed as a toy I had to shove in a few syllables there to help with the rhythm.

They play all day,
and they play to win—
whether with their friends
or with their kin,

And when they lose,
Who takes the fall?
Me, of course—
The basket ball. Nix the space between the last two lines.

Very very good. That's a whole lot fewer nitpicks than I usually give, so great job.

om not going to comment on grammar i never do. My what a unique take on an ordinary object. I didnt expect that to be the ending and it was a great suprise because no one thinks how would that object think if it could. So great job on the poem well done and everything i mean it was odd and original and very cool keep up the work.

That was very original, and I couldn't guess the ending before it arrived, either. It caused me to go back and read it a second time, with the basketball in mind. The first time, it was more of a gloomy start, and when I re-read it, it's very funny. Nice work, I can't find any more grammatical issues. Keep it up!

If this is a true thing about you show this poem to the people that piss you off! They will maybe listen to you because this poem is so good. If they say it's a bad poem you show them all the comments you gut from us. Don't forget about mine!
Super good poem!

Ha.

Brilliant.

The whole time, I kept thinking, "OMG, this is going to be so deep, it's about rape and I'm feeling my heart being wrenched out for this poor woman."

And then, it's a basketball. You, missy, are toying with my emotions.

So, to get serious. It is very good, the way you executed this; reading it the first time, all the wording is perfect for a serious subject and actual pain. But, once you figure out that it's an inanimate object, it still works perfectly. Being dribbled, being thrown, being used for hours on end.

My only suggestion? Double check on the syllables. Some lines are short, and it disrupts an otherwise very effortless flow. Explosive_Pen had some good suggestions. Heed her advice!

Otherwise, thought this was great. Don't change the ending, no matter what anybody else says. Hope this was a little helpful!

~Evi

Whoa!! This was amazing!! I would've never guessed that in the end it was a basketball! The first time I read it, I was thinking This poor girl, this is so sad and depressing but then I had to read it again to understand it!! It was really funny the second time I read it...what a twist!! Amazing job :]

Keep it up!!

Dee Dee E.

This is really amazing.
I have nothing else to say; everyone else covered it.

Nice work.

I thought it was great because of the ending. It was a complete surprise. I was expecting something a little more philosophical, but instead you gave us the picture of the basketball, which was refreshing and really fun.

Hi there! I'm Kat and I'm gonna review this for you (over all).
this is really good. You expressed an ordinary matter in such an unique way. The words are perfect. they express anger, rebellion, despair. All small issues have already been pointed out. So that's it. A crappy review, isn't it? At least it is one, so...
Keep writing!

I love the twist at the ending here ^^ And this poem actually has a beat and rhymes. The metaphor use is excellent and the poem just speaks to you. The writer seems to have a personality making them seem more realistic and honest. Great work ^^

-shina

In the beginning I was confused when you talked about the owners, but when I read the last line it all came together
It was brilliant how you made a basketball so passionate and aware
I was very surprised that something like that could be done
Wonderful job

hahahaaa! That was really good! At the beginning I was sort of thinking: oh no it's a really sad poem and it's about child abuse or something like that and then when I got to the end I could not stop myself from laughing it was hilarious. I did actually feel some pity for the poor basketball because what you wrote was true because I used to play basketball myself and have seen all this happen myself! I loved the rhyme scheme..! Keep up the great work!

hey. this is hysterical.
I love the irony and the sardonic twinge you give it. you make it seem so painful and depressing in the start, but the twister makes it a little lighter and more funny.
great job.

This is the second time I read the poem! I have finally got the point! LOL! So stupid of me that I didn't get in the first time. I actually thought that this was about you getting pushed around. This is really emberassing that I did not get the first time like every body else. Anyways even this is me second time reading all your poems I still love them, I usually get laughs from them.