Of a Fool And His Son

What fool Icarus for trying to be a man
while clinging tight to
his boyish bravado.
Unworthy of his wings he’s
too far gone, too high on
pride and delight.

His father watches as Icarus flies into
the sun, wondering if he should call out or
just let him fall. Both hurt, but
only one teaches.

Alas, it is his parental love (irrational)
that saves the boy. He’s raised a fool,
a silly, careless lad that doesn’t know
up from down and that wisdom
triumphs over glory

Always. But we can change, perhaps,
and it seems a shame to waste
those brand new wings.

Haha, guys? Anything?

Hello Jennifina!

I quite liked this. It is one of my favorite Greek myths and I think you captured the gist of everything fairly well (if that was your intention) I think it could be a little bit longer and more details would do but then I suppose that would make it a narrative poem.

Favorite part:

Always. But we can change, perhaps,
and it seems a shame to waste
those brand new wings.

I always like to see poems ended well so this was a perfect way to close. And I like the title as well.

Sorry I couldn't have been of much help,

~Angel

Jennafina wrote:What fool Icarus for trying to be a man too long
while clinging tight to
his boyish bravado.
Unworthy of his wings he’s
too far gone, too high on
pride and delight.

His father watches as Icarus flies into
the sun, wondering if he should call out or too much of a brake for my taste...
just let him fall. Both hurt, but
only one teaches.

Alas, it is his parental love (irrational)
that saves the boy. He’s raised a fool,
a silly, careless lad that doesn’t know
up from down and that wisdom
triumphs over glory Nice message to the reader ! U-hu!

Always. But we can change,[s] perhaps,[/s]
and it seems a shame to waste
those brand new wings.

1. I don't like your stanzas: 1st 6verses, 2nd 4, 3rd 5, 4th 3. Huh? What's the point?
2. The rhythm is like I'm in a ball or something and something hits her. From one style to another. Too many jumps.(see 1.)
3. Not important for the poem, but I think that Icarus tried to do something better for himself, for the people, but he failed because he was, as you said, "brave"....does that mean that bravery isn't good?
His father....He warned Icarus and, as you know, our parents can't affect on everything that we do.

^_^ My favorite cat is named after Icarus, so I couldn't pass up reviewing this poem! ^_^

What fool Icarus for trying to be a man

while clinging tight to

his boyish bravado.

Unworthy of his wings he’s

too far gone, too high on

pride and delight.

The first line doesn't really make sense. Perhaps 'what a fool Icarus was/is for trying to be a man', and then I also think you need an additional word to further contrast his attempts at manhood with his 'boyish bravado', such as slipping 'still' between 'while' and 'clinging'. I also think there should be a comma after 'his wings'.

Both hurt, but

only one teaches.

Brilliant, brilliant line and point. <3

Alas, it is his parental love (irrational)

that saves the boy. He’s raised a fool,

a silly, careless lad that doesn’t know

up from down and that wisdom

triumphs over glory



Always.

Two notes about this section: First of all, I'm questioning the use of 'Alas' to begin the sentence that illustrates Icarus's salvation. Wouldn't his father saving him be a good thing? -shrugs- Maybe I'm up too late to comprehend it. I do think that instead of a comma after 'fool' you should use a double dash, though. I'd also recommend changing 'and that wisdom' to 'or that wisdom', because otherwise it seems a bit run-on-ny. xD Oh, my late-night, made-up words. -shifty eyes-

But we can change, perhaps,

I also think the last line is perfect -- it clearly illustrates the naivete of Icarus and his pure/ignorant state of mind. I mean, who makes /wax/ wings to fly to the sun!? Bahaha~

Great poem, love! Keep it up!

Hello dahling, sorry I've neglected this.

I second Hannah's comments on the first stanza. The opening line threw me off. I also thought the word "high" in L5 seemed a bit modern and clashed with the whole Greek allusion thing... perhaps substitute "giddy" or "intoxicated"?

This flowed beautifully and you really did a good job of kind of universalizing the story of Icarus and capturing the interaction between parental love and teenage naivety and recklessness.