Kids in the playground

Kids of the Playground:

A scream, a squeal, a giggle; all noises that radiate from the Hungry Jacks playground. A family of children climb and crawl over the equipment – wriggling through the maze, sliding into the separate chambers built of a remarkably durable plastic. I sit and watch the four of them through the rims of my sunglasses as I wait for my order. It’s late in the afternoon and they appear to be only there with their mother, though she is hidden around the corner, out of view. Three of them look scarily alike – two boys and a girl all with the same pale blonde hair, slightly bronzed skin and loud voices. The eldest, the other boy, has darker hair. He looks as though he hasn’t seen his seventh birthday yet.

The eldest boy and one a bit younger ride down the twin slides. Hitting the bottom, they stand up. I remember the days where I used to ride down those slides with my friends, back in the days where I was small enough. Now I’d be lucky if I could fit my head down there.

The two boys talk to each other, then decide to have a race back up the slide to see who can get to the top first. I smile to myself, looking away so I don’t come across as a creep. There was once a time where I would race to the top, as well. Back in the carefree days before all the chaos of maturity. High school, fights, bad grades, sex, drugs, alcohol. It’s hard to recall a time before all of that ordinarily, but these children I see on the play equipment remind me that there was once such a time where I was as innocent as them, and I welcomed the memories.

It’s so magical and refreshing to see children so sweet and innocent bask in such simplistic activity. They are living a different life style all together and it seems such a shame to think one day they will grow up too and start to swear and smoke and drink and drive and feud and fuck. For now, they are in a time that they ought to savour, one that will never return once it has been lost.

Though I can’t see it, I can hear that the boys have reached the top. I look back to the playground, and sure enough, the brunette has his hands over his head in a victory dance. His brother doesn’t look too pleased. He frowns at the champion.

“That’s bullshit, faggot! I got to the top first!”

My smile fades, my eyes turn downwards and a flood of disappointment fills me. They are no older than seven years old and they have already sold themselves to a dangerous lifestyle.

What a shame there’s no innocence left in the world...

Hi Loose!
Pleased to meet you. I'm anti-pop! *bows*

First things first: In my current location it is fairly late in the night (or early in the morning), and so I think it is best for both you and me that I don't try to point out any grammatical errors. Although I must say, I didn't notice any as I was reading.
Aside from little nit-picks like that which I'm not going to do...I loved this.
Truly, deeply, and sincerely loved it.
I think you reflected everything that youth has become. Childhood is no longer innocent, and kids are exposed to things we probably would've never even heard of when we were their age. I was thinking that this was another one of those short and sweet 'feel-good' stories that comes along every once in a while. As I was reading it, I wondered what the point of this could possibly be.
It's amazing how a single sentence can completely change the direction of a story. You set the mood up perfectly: happy, nostalgic, peaceful...and then boom. A seven-year-old with a vocabulary I wasn't even aware of until my junior high years.
Every single teenager and adult of today should read this and realize what is happening to our children and/or siblings. Why? Because you conveyed your message in such a clear and utterly undeniable way.

That's just the impression that I received from this piece, but be sure: I'm not often blown away by things like this! So kudos to you.
Keep writing. This was fantastic.


*anti-pop

This was really good, I loved it!

I liked how you used a very short simple story and made it longer by adding many of your thoughts about it. I also loved how you put a moral to this, nice work. I didn't catch any grammar mistakes because I didn't look at it good enough because I don't have much time right now, but so far your grammar is pretty good. Again nice job.

AJ

No fair. You left me no grammatical errors, no badly worded sentences, or anything else I could pick out! XD
Either that, or you've hidden them well enough I couldn't see them.
*sigh*

I agree with the other two. I love it. It made me almost sad- I have a little brother and sister. It won't be long until they grow up... XD

What a shame there’s no innocence left in the world...

Lucy dear, lose the '...' thing (the name escapes me for now). I'm not a fan of them, and the line would have more impact as a plain old statement. This leaves the reader hanging, but not in a good way. I personally think it weakens the ending. :/

Hrmmm.... maybe, and this is *only* a suggestion, you could compare the kids with something that's happening inside, with adults? It could heighten the contrast between children and adults, but this piece may not need it, so if you like, trash my idea.

But overall, this is bloody good. >.<; I wish I could write so effectively. Isn't it funny, how teenage years are getting longer, and childhood years are shrinking? Not only in behavour, but you hear cases of puberty hitting earlier and earlier.

You deserve a cookie. *gives cookie*

-Nutty

Sad way for it to end. :/

I liked the piece, very in depth though processing and I liked the continual reference to your own memories of a time of such innocence. Your analysis of the kids on the playground as so far unnaffected by the world around them and the things that changed you from such innocence was very good, and I liked the massive turnaround at the very end, sad.

I loved it.

There were a few bits here and there that felt like they could have been expanded upon, but then you might have risked loosing the reader, so I wont pick at it.

okay so i absolutely very much enjoyed this story. i mean, that sounds kind of messed up if you consider the underlying theme of it all. but truly, i enjoyed reading it. first of all, i have a special appreciation for anything true, anything non-fiction. even simple little stories like this: if they actually happened, then im all for them.

you did a wonderful job setting the scene. i swear i could feel the heat from the sun, and maybe even smell the onion rings. maybe.

and you know, i didn't see it coming, the ending. i dont much like it when you can see where a story is going, but yours came out of nowhere. so good good concerning that one. that makes the ending all the more....how you say...powerful? meaningful? something to that effect, anyway. the only thing i could see perhaps being a little better written would be the very ending:

"What a shame there’s no innocence left in the world..."


i dont know, i guess i just feel like the last statement is too explanatory. i think perhaps it would be nicer if you didnt end with a statement that explains the purpose of the whole story. maybe you could find a way to end it so that that last sentance is what people come up with in their own minds, after they've read the story. anyways, thats the only critique i have

overall, marvelous job

That was beautiful,in a way.
The innocence of the world obliterated.
Sad,really.

As you said,
" What a shame there’s no innocence left in the world..."

I really liked your piece it was well written. No grammer mistakes that I can find. Yet I have to complain about one thing. The moral I don't think it's a bad thing that some kids swear that dosen't mean their not innocent anymore it just means they swear. Any way really liked it.

Nothing jumped out at me as being incorrect grammatically- not that that means there isn't something.

But I really liked this. I'm assuming Hungry Jacks is a fast food joint?

I barely remember my own days of innocence and unrestrained happiness, but my own youth was cut short by tragedy so I'm not the best one to ask if there is such a thing as innocence of youth.

Though I'm not one for censorship, I too was disturbed by their vocabulary. Faggot more than bullshit. Maybe it's because my sister is a lesbian, and I've grown up a stone's throw from San Fran, but that's one word I don't like hearing. Anything derogatory towards homosexuals bothers me more than say, a child uttering 'bullshit'.

Remember, the children usually learn from their parents, or other adults they look up to- not so much a sign of failed society but a changed one.

This is nice work, and I hope to read more by you soon.

Thank you for tkaing the time to write this out and post it. It's bad enough that kids my age are acting like this. I think there are a lot of parents out there that don;t realize what they are doing when they act the way they would with their friends around their children. It makes them grow up too fast.
Okay, judgement on society over. Time to start the review.
I very much enjoyed the beggining. You did an excellent job of putting the reader in your place. My only tiny nit-pick is that, personally, I feel as if you spent a bit too much time talking about what an innocent age they are at. It made me expect something to happen that would contradict that. But that is just me.

I very much enjoyed reading that; well done !

There is nothing for me to be nitpicky about *le gasp* and there are no errors that stand out, or ... well, I don't really see anything to comment on in a negative way.

I love the way you captured the innocence that children ought to have, and wait until the end to reveal how kids these days can be as vulgar as us teenagers by the time they're six years old. You succesfully made me feel happy and nostalgic, and then crushed that feeling with reality

Good job ^^

Xxx

Hey

Having not really looked at any of the non-fiction on here yet, yours was the first that i decided to read and i really liked it.

It isn't until the end that you realise that the whole piece conveys an issue that's becoming more and more heard of. Children definitely have lost a lot of innocence and like 'Nutty' touched on, they seem to be growing up too fast. When i was seven i was pretending to be a power ranger *laughs at self* whereas kids now adays seem to be obsessed with games consoles, something that when i was younger i saw as a teenage interest.

As for swearing, i wasn't really aware of it until secondary school when i was eleven, so when i hear children swear it really saddens me. I was at work the other day when i heard a girl no older than six calling her mum a b***h. It can be blamed on the parents though, with not all kids acting like stereotypical teenagers at the age of eight.

Anyway enough of my rambilings, *has been alone in the house for 5 hours* I really enjoyed this piece. Very thought provoking.

xDudettex

I see this too, even I'm only thirteen. I miss those care-free days of playing on the jungle gym. It is sad to think that kids nowadays have turned into well... this. I especially hate seeing all those little girls who aspire to be something from TV. A Britney Spears or a Hannah Montana. The thing is, these girls are growing up too fast to have a childhood. And really, children are trying to understand things they don't need to know. And they're reading things too old for them. My friend said she heard grade fours talking about the Twilight movie, and how they're reading it. I don't think they should read any of those books, let alone the last one...

I found no gramatical errors, and this was so true, I was nodding my head along the whole once I read what the child said. It seems that I'm even too old. The things that I think are cool now are also cool to children much younger than I.

Great piece.

LaReina!

Wow this story is so true. And I agree with it. So sad to know that children aren't children for long with Britney Spears or Hannah Montana or any of those other Hollywood wannabes, no offense to those celebrities.

My mother along myself have a several teen magazines or articles from teen magazines of the 70s and kids could be kids then. Reading a 1978 article from Tiger Beat and reading a 2005 (that's the most recent I have) is like reading Shakespeare then reading a Dr.Seuss book. Night and day. But enough with the 70s and now.

Now at six, I liked video games but I wasn't obsessed with them. Burns my soul to see kids acting like that. Now I was seeing PG-13 films at age six but these weren't like some of the PG-13 films today. I saw Spider-Man, which I think was PG-13 correct me if I'm wrong. Its violent but not in today's sense of the word violent like some children are being allowed to watch the movie or play the video game for. So sad.

And with the swearing, even now my mother would have a fit if I said stuff like that to her. In fact my parents didn't start using those type words in front of me until I turned 13 last year. Its a shame what kids are saying and doing today. They ain't kids anymore...even at age six as you proved. The end of innocence has come.

Okay I'm doing rambling. Great story. Love the ending.

Wow ur piece REALLLY GOOD
i totally hands down agree with u about the innonence being obilerated from this world
Even though im only thirteen it bugs me SOOOOO much wen i see litttle girls crying
I usually go over ask wats wrong and now its always "My boyfriend broke up with me"
or "so and so is being a bitch"
That strikes a nerve for some reason.
Sigh life is to complicated these days
Im gonna wait for those complications to catch up with me
I refuse to chase after them
They sound fun but im enjoying myself in the now
ppl should wait and enjoy their lives... not b in a rush to grow up
YA IMMATURENESS ON MY PART!
then again am i the one being immature or are those other 13 14 15 year olds that have boyfriends do drugs drink acohol and stuff like that the immature ones...
Ponder on tha one for me will ya?

Ur piece itself is well written and u get to ur point really well without beating around the bush. Good Job!
Byez
K A M A S