There is no enchantment

Written By Hayley
There is no Enchantment



If you think of life like a blank canvas,
Waiting to be drawn on
The colours and swirls seem far away
The enchantment of our lives

If you think of dreams like forgotten templates
Waiting to be traced
A steady hand is all it takes
The enchantment of our dreams

If you think of the future like a broken piece
Waiting to be fixed
With time against many a life
The enchantment of our future

If you think of the past like a missing page
Waiting to be found
Looking and finding is but a sin
The enchantment of our past

When you think of the war like a fight
Waiting to be won
The canvas is yet to be completed
There is no enchantment of the war

Only the winners can see enchantment
And yet in a war there are no winners
Only sore losers
And those who chose to compete.


Umm..I wrote this just now and I no there's no rhythm but I just kinda liked the idea...please comment that would be nice, oh, and also I know someone did a poem called "disenchantment" but I couldn't find the poem again and I thought it would be rude to steal there title so yeah..lol

The composition was very good.

It still needs a bit of work and a bit more visual language but overall very good.

Wow! I like your poem a lot.

If you think of the future like a broken piece
Waiting to be fixed
With time against many a life
The enchantment of our future

I like this stanza, except I was unclear of your meaning in the third line.

I love all of your allusions to painting. That's really creative.

If you think of life like a blank canvas,
Waiting to be drawn on
The colours and swirls seem far away
The enchantment of our lives

I love this stanza, and it really drew me into the poem and kept me reading. Great job and keep writing!

Hey there Hayley You were the random piece at the top, so here I am
Let's start with an analysis of your poem. xD

If you think of life like a blank canvas,

Waiting to be drawn on comma

The colours and swirls seem far away

The enchantment of our lives I think you mean the colours and swirls seem far away from our lives, otherwise I kind of got confused



If you think of dreams like forgotten templates Beautiful imagery, I love it!

Waiting to be traced comma

A steady hand is all it takes

The enchantment of our dreams



If you think of the future like a broken piece

Waiting to be fixed

With time against many a life

The enchantment of our future



If you think of the past like a missing page

Waiting to be found

Looking and finding is but a sin Really liked that line too.

The enchantment of our past



When you think of the war like a fight

Waiting to be won

The canvas is yet to be completed

There is no enchantment of the war



Only the winners can see enchantment

And yet in a war there are no winners

Only sore losers

And those who chose to compete.

I really liked this poem; you had a message to put across, and you did so well, the flow is pretty good, the word choice too and the grammar is almost perfect.

Something I didn't like is the repetition of enchantment, it really annoyed me for some reason, and I felt it disrupted the flow of this beautiful poem.

Now, let's see, imagery wise you've got everything good. The poem is fresh and original, you have your own style and I think it's good.

What did you mean?
C'mon, to write a poem you must have something to say, a message to get across... something. Let's try and work out yours. xD

Waiting to be found

Looking and finding is but a sin

I really like this line, but I feel it contradicts the whole mood of your poem. The rest of the poem is promoting happiness and such, but this is just... it just doesn't feel right.

Well evidently you're trying to promote an awareness against war. About how you feel 'bout war, right? There's also something more though, the whole poem isn't about war, only the end is, it's something about happiness being there for us to take, if we are willing to do so, isn't it?

Anyway, great poem, Hayley. I've got to go and get dressed for school

~Kirsten
xxx

Well, all I can suggest is add some punctuation marks.

If you think of the future like a broken piece
Waiting to be fixed
With time against many a life
The enchantment of our future

Interesting idea here in this stanza. The furute as a broken piece. It was really curious.

Anyway, this poem was great. The rhythm doesn't matter to me, at least. It flowed quite well anyway.

Faery007 wrote:If you think of life like a blank canvas,
Waiting to be drawn on
The colours and swirls seem far away
The enchantment of our lives

This was the best stanza. You did well in putting this first, as it draws the readers in.

If you think of dreams like forgotten templates
Waiting to be traced
A steady hand is all it takes
The enchantment of our dreams

Sorry it wasn't quoted. Anyway, I can't do much more 'cause I have to go soon. Just wanted to say ( this goes for the rest of the poem) I loved the way that, at the end of each stanza, it said ''The enchantment of our [Whatever here]. And normally I wouldn't like it, but I really did when you broke the 'let's call it chain' when you said at the end ''There is no enchantment of war''. Overall, I can easyily realate to this poem, which is the reason for me liking this poem.