My tea cup and I.

I loved how you started the poem. It flowed well and it was interesting. From the sixth stanza, I found it repetitive and boring. Instead of flowing like it did in the beginning it had a repetitive feel to it. I get it she doesn't go to the movies anymore... but somehow I felt you kept repeating that. Imagery is another thing that would add to your poem.

More emotions, bright imagery would do very well in this poem. A lot of it is just stating facts.

when I go
to the movies
and drink out
of my tea cup
the old men
they look at me
and wonder
when they'll have me

I liked this stanza because it had substance and action. The old men wondered. She went to the movies. She drank tea. There's life in this stanza.

they're decorated
with pink stripes
and old yellow
bee hives

Same with this stanza. It's got imagery.
The rest of the poem was void of imagery and emotion.

Remember show us, don't tell us. Show us the facts, rather than state the facts.

-Zehra

HI! Welcome to YWS!!

Before you post your own article you need to review atleast 2 other articles. Please read the rules. I'm telling this since you're new.

I'll have to agree with mizz-iceberg.
It started out well but got quite boring toward the end. I had to force my eyes not to skim over it.

The lack of capitalization of the 'i' in the entire poem kind of annoys me. Please change it. Use proper punctuation and capitalization-it makes it better to read.

i dont leave

the house now

i make sure

i breathe loud enough



so, the neighbours

can hear me

and think not that

i have died.



i told you

i dont go

to the movies

no more.

These lines repeat the fact the you don;t goto the movies any more. Yes, you want to emphasize but try something else, more description, images etc.

I'm not much of a poet, but this is a good attempt.

Keep Writing!
~Lava

Hey there, welcome to YWS. xD I'm Kirsten and I'm going to be your reviewer for today. You're new so you won't know this, but here you have to keep your review:post ratio 2:1, you have to review 2 things for every one thing you post. This means that the people you review shall review your stuff (hopefully) this also makes for more reviews on everyone's work and everyone is happy. Anyway, this isn't a problem just now, just remember it for future. and you'll be good Onto your poem

when I go

to the movies

and drink out

of my tea cup

the old men

they look at me

and wonder

when they'll have me

I agree totally with Mizz, this is a good starting stanza, substance and action = good

but i say

In poetry you don't have to capitalize the first letter, although in most you do, but you need to capitalize pronouns, especially I, make sure you capitalize it.

i say no

ive learnt how

Remember your apostrophes, I've has one.

how to say no

I find this stanza rather boring, it repeats itself. Basically you say; I say no, I've learnt how to say no. Kinda lacking, isn't it? Something I've noticed about your poem so far is that it lacks imagery. Use figurative language and such to make it interesting. A mixture of similes, metaphors, description, and information, make sure you balance the mixture to maximise your poems interesting-ness

and the next time

the old men

they bring their

own tea cups



they're decorated

with pink stripes

and old yellow

bee hives

You have imagery here, but not in the rest of your poem.

these tea cups

i know them

Remember to capitalize your I's

old women

have made them



the old men

they have nothing

and now not

not even me

Your poem gets kinda boring as it progresses, I liked the beginning better.

because, i don't

Remember the I's!!!

go there anymore

now i sit at home

Capitalize your I's

and drink all alone



so that old men

they can't see

when im coming

and where im going.



im all on

I'm should have an apostrophe

on my own,

all alone

with my tea cup



i dont leave

Remember the I's

the house now

i make sure

i breathe loud enough

I's

so, the neighbours

can hear me

and think not that

i have died.

The language is a bit mixed up here, it doesn't make sense.

i told you

i dont go

I's

to the movies

no more

No more isn't right. It should be anymore.


Okay; I'm afraid I didn't like this poem too much. You have a lack of proper grammar, you've missed a lot of apostrophes, and not capitalized enough pronouns. Remember your capitalization. Also use some imagery. A lot of this poem was just repeating what you previously said. That said, if you revise this poem it could be great. The start was good, but it got worse as it went on. Anyway, if you revise this I would certainly be interested to see how it went. Good luck and I hope I wasn't too harsh. xD

~Kirsten xxx

Hey
thanks everyone!
I know about my capitalising and punctuation. I do it deliberately as I write. I guess I could polish. And I definitely agree with you guys. I don't even like reading it as it goes on, lol
Thanks for the feedback!