In a Way No Human Could...a poem about my dog

I find odes to be tedious, so this isn't an 'ode', but it is a poem about a particular uhm, not object, but, animal. Anyway, my poem....
.....................
Soft, bristly fur
Rubs my arm.
A soft breath from a set of lungs
Encased in a torso that sits beside me
Moves the shoulders that my elbow lies upon.

Sticky, dog-drool covered black lips smack
As she raises her head, turning to scratch with a spastic hind foot
That sees rain, mud, grass and ground.


I listen to
The growls and barks of a concerned canine
At any intruder from wicked little jaws.
Shiny eyes the color of dark chocolate
Observe every transaction made.

Even if she doesn't know it,
This twenty-pound bundle of furry fury
Is my obese little darling dog.

So gentle but mighty
Is the soul that dwells inside the tawny head
With perpetually cocked ears
That listen.

Marbled brown and white,
She'll prance around the yard
When I return from school.

She's my shine
When I rain with tears in my eyes.
A patient companion who sits by my side.
Never minding my faults
In a way no human could.
................
Like it or love it, take it or leave it. Uhm, what I mean to say is:
feedback is welcomed.
Thanks for reading...
Cheers
--Voxina

I really liked this poem. It's not perfect, but other people will point out on errors, I'm sure. I enjoyed it. It's so true, as well. I like the balance of physical description and emotional description, does that make sense? I'm not going to say it's going to change the literary world with incrediblity, because it's not. I'm sure you didn't intend it to anyway. As a poem, I loved it. Sorry for the terrible critique, *eeks*
Well done. xD

First off, I'm really not a dog person. At all.

vox nihili wrote:Soft, bristly fur
Rubs my arm.
A soft breath from a set of lungs
Encased in a torso that sits beside me
Moves the shoulders that my elbow lies upon. (This is an awkward line. It's hard to wrap your head around, plus, totally harshes my buzz, ahem, I mean ruins the flow)

Sticky, dog-drool covered black lips smack (Ewwwwwwwwwwww!)
As she raises her head, turning to scratch with a spastic hind foot
That sees rain, mud, grass and ground. (Foots can see?)


I listen to
The growls and barks of a concerned canine
At any intruder from wicked little jaws.
Shiny eyes the color of dark chocolate
Observe every transaction made. (I liked this stanza uptill this bit. Transaction? You running some sort of buisness here?)

Even if she doesn't know it,
This twenty-pound bundle of furry fury
Is my obese little darling dog. (Saccharine, ick)

So gentle but mighty
Is the soul that dwells inside the tawny head
With perpetually cocked ears
That listen. (I like this, but I totally don't get your rhymthm.)

Marbled brown and white,
She'll prance around the yard
When I return from school.

She's my shine
When I rain with tears in my eyes. (Confusing, doesn't work)
A patient companion who sits by my side.
Never minding my faults
In a way no human could.
................

This poem bored me. Yeah it had it's good points and it's bad points. But I get the feeling that your dog has no personality, just this little gross thing that is too dumb to think anything mean and just loves you blindly. Well I think most dogs are like that. Where's the interest for the reader? Some of your metaphors werre way off and you made the dog sound really gross. Sorry for the harshness, but I wanted it to be better than it was.