Failing

Never Again

Never again I will be wrong,
Never again I will fail,
Never again I will lose,
Never again will I try
Never



Failure

I’m a failure,
All alone,
With no one,
Just me and my thoughts



Black

Once dawn rises,
Once the school bell rings,
Once you turn invisible,
Once you go home,
Once you see your family,
Life is black

Okay. I found nothing wrong with the poen ecept that it was very sad and deoresing It is so you, Kat!

Death, you've gotta do two reviews before you post something xD

I thought the poems were good, need some work but have potential, maybe combine them or make them longer.

Needs someowrk but your getting there.

Hi deathkougra. As Scarecrow said, one of the rules is to do two critiques for every piece of work you have posted. You can check out all the rules here.
So, onto the review. Since these are three poems, I'm going to review them all separately, starting with Never Again.

Never Again. First of all, it's a lot of repetition. Repetition can be good if used in the right way, but here all your words in each line are the same save for one (or two, in the first line). And then in the fourth line you switch up the "I will" to "will I." So that's a little strange. The other strange thing is your punctuation. You don't need a comma at every the end of every line, but there should be something after the last Never. That being said, I like your idea for this poem-it starts out as, "I won't fail! I'll do better!" and then ends as "I won't fail! I won't even try!"
Failure. I like how in this poem, you automatically connect being alone with being a failure. Being alone does not make one a failure, however, a lot of people see it that way, and so I think that idea is good. But it's a little too short to make a point, especially since your second and third points mean the same thing.
Black. Like in the first poem, this has a lot of repetition. But I actually think the repetition works here, the repeating ideas, the monotony of life. Although, you don't need 'once' at the beginning of every line. Actually, I think you could find a better word than once, because when saying 'Once you go home' (or any of your lines) it sounds like you mean after you go home, after you see your family, instead of going home and seeing your family making life black. I hope that makes sense. And now, the last line: 'Life is black.' Black is kind of vague to use as a metaphor, especially when nothing else in the poem has that kind of sadness. I think you could elaborate on this. 'Life is a pit of soul-crushing, oppressive hopelessness.' That way the reader has a really clear picture of what you mean.That metaphor was not too good XD but it made my point.

So, those are my comments on the three individually. But listen! I think Scarecrow mentioned this too-since they're all about the same thing, you could combine them into one poem. And then you could take the best from all of them and make them into something great. Just think about it.
Keep writing, and don't hesitate to PM me for anything.

i think that all of these are good, but would be better if combined. you have a repeating theme in all of them, a sort of depressing, theres no hope type of thing. By including more detail i think that this could go far.

~guitargrl~