Hate Turns To Hope

Alright. So this is my third try at writing a poem. If I keep practicing, maybe I'll get a good one someday. Please critique this! I really need your help!


Hate Turns To Hope

You’re yelling and screaming,
Telling me how rude I am.
Stopping me from dreaming,
Comparing me to man.

I cringe as you step closer,
Waiting for the next blow.
You claim that I’m a jokester.
Then scream “You’re just a hoe.”

You say this then that.
Slap me in the face.
“Why’d you have to do that?
Get out of this place!”

I stumble down the stairs
And out onto the street.
I pull out my bus fares,
Then glare at my feet.

Tears of anger flood my eyes.
The blood boils inside me.
I know you’re telling hateful lies.
But yet, I still can’t see.

The anger stored up in your soul,
Has grown exceedingly.
The day he left you on that stroll,
Brought your anger down on me.

He left you for another girl,
And took all your money.
I feel like I could just hurl,
When you call me honey.

The bus drives up right next to me.
I take a long and shaky breath.
I push my back up off the tree.
This is it, and now I’ve left.

I’m sitting on this rusty bus,
Remembering the better times.
I listen to a baby fuss,
And a mother’s voice chimes.

I hope my wounds will heal someday,
And my heart be mended.
But now the sky is turning gray,
I hope I’ll be remembered.

There’s a better world out there,
A place I can be safe.
Maybe someone out there will care,
And give a little faith.

Please give a little trust to me.
I’ll prove I’m worthwhile.
I just want you to see,
I’m really not that vile.

Hey there Writer!

One of the things about poetry is that the lines between different genres of poetry can be easily blurred. For example, you posted this in Lyric Poetry when you're really bordering on it being Dramatic. I think that your intentions were to make it flow and make it lyrical but it some cases, when writing poetry you must focus on what you want to say before you think about rhyming.

People stress the rhyming schemes too much, though it's fun to read poems that rhyme, poetry is derived from emotions and thoughts or maybe it's a story or a lesson. This poem has a lot of potential to be great, as all poems do, just don't focus on rhyming too much and you'll be fine.

Another problem I had with this is the length. Long poems are all fine and dandy but you don't want to stress out the meaning of the poem or wear your luck too thin, as one would say. Many people like these type of poems, simply because they can relate to them and if they feel like it's tipping the balance beam, then they won't like this poem in the end. In other words, don't stress what you're trying to say. Condense your words so that they flow.

Now when I say flow, flow doesn't always mean rhyming and things of that caliber. It simply means that your stanzas transition and if were broken apart into a million pieces, one would be able to piece it back together in a perfect whole.

This poem is good though it just needs a little spit and shine to be great. Don't give up on this and keep writing.

Thanks for the read and if you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

~Angel