My story I worte when I was 12

slytherinseeker · 2005-08-07T08:06:43Z

THE BEST 5 ABOVE GROUND The President of the U.S.A walked into the room to talk to Peter Cosgrove. They have an important job. Even though they are from different countries they still had to team up together along with a man named Jack Lewis. Peter and Jack have been working together to find the best 5 men they can to go in space and land on the planet Mars to defeat a big bug. They are here to see what the President thinks. “Well Mr. President, Jack and I have made some tough decisions to pick the best 5. They will come in here one at a time and tell you their background. Oh, and one other thing, as Jack is a Time Warper, you may be shocked by some of the candidates of the top five!’’ The first man came into the room “Hello Mr. President, my name is Jonathan Harker. I am the man who defeated a great monster by the name of Dracula. I have done many things to get this job done. I’m smart, fit and very brave”. Jonathon took a seat next to Jack. The next man came through with a grin on his face. “My name”, he said, “is Muhammad Ali, I became the heavyweight Champion Boxer of the world. I’m strong, I’m pretty, I’m fast, I can’t possibly be beat. It would be wrong not to pick me”. He then took a seat next to Jonathan Harker looking much younger than he really is now. The next man now walked into the room with some quite different clothes compared to the other two. “Mr. President, my name is William Wallace and I fought very well in many battles to try and free Scotland. As you may expect I’m very happy with Scotland (He picked up a map showing him that Scotland was free) I can fight well with a sword, axe and my fists.” He sat down as the next man came in. “I may look like an old man to you but I can fight in battles and use my magic to do great things. My name is Gandulf the White. I fought many battles and was once in a Fellowship that help saved Middle- Earth.” He sat down with a smile on his face. The last man came in and said, “ The name’s Bond, James Bond. I’m a British spy and have been for many years.” As he sat down Peter said “Are these men efficient enough to you Mr. President?” The president nodded, still in great shock and surprise. They then told the team what they needed to do. The top 5 got into their space ship and it started to lift off ground. “Don’t get too scared old man”, said Muhammad. “ It’s just a little ride.” Gandulf ignored him as the ship finally went into space. They then got into comfy chairs and let the autopilot do the work until they reached Mars. “So Jonathon”, said Bond, “ what exactly was this Dracula thing I heard about you?” “ Dracula was undead, a vampire that sucks human’s blood for food and he can make more vampires by biting them. He can turn into different animals along with many other horrible things.” They all fell silent but the silence finally broke as the ship landed. “About time”, said William, “ OK, lets work out a plan to win this battle, we can win this. This bug may be strong but we can beat it as…” He was cut off as the rest of the team told him to shut up and do some exploring first. They found that the planet was quite safe. “Come on lets go for a jog,” said Muhammad, but before Gandulf could save him he got sucked up a giant pit and was killed. “He really was a good guy”, said Bond. They walked many miles around Mars, saving each other from deadly traps. Then they came to the spot they set out to reach. There in the mist three giant bugs came running to them. The bugs were about four metres in length although very skinny. They looked very hideous and were the colour of both the night sky and algae green. They spoke a language that was almost too unbearable for the human’s ears to handle. The bugs had a weapon that looks like the very end of a whipper snipper but the blade on it looked beautiful yet deadly as it even showed marks as it cut through the air. Although one bug had a gun which had something scratched on it. It said Neil Armstrong U.S.A 1634. This was a mystery of it’s own. But the team didn’t have time to find out how it got to Mars and how Neil Armstrong got to the year 1634. They all put up a good fight. Gandulf used his magic, James used his weapons, Jonathan used his brain and his knife and William used his sword. They all fought for what seemed like hours until a final explosion came. Then on this desert where the fight was, nothing stirred. Then from under the sand came William Wallace, Jonathon Harker and Gandulf the White. They then dug a grave for Bond and went on their ship where they flew back to earth. They each got rewarded gratefully and Jack Lewis took them back to their original times. Funny though, nothing really got mentioned about the gun on Mars. Although something tells me that Jack Lewis already knew and that his date of birth is a bit different to what I first thought it might be. Guess no one will ever know!

I remember writing something like this when I was 10 as well. The characters were Asterix, Don Quixote, Arnold Scwarzenegger and footballer Pele. But I'll have to hand it over to you because a team of your characters somehow seem more absurd..........That's what you were aiming for, right!? You know, what strikes me the most in the "Best 5..." is that nothing really leads up to anything. Like there were no melodramatic sentences at all leading upto Muhammad Ali's death. He just .....died.
Tell me if I am wrong, but it looks like you were under the impression of " A Leauge of Extraordinary Gentlemen" pretty deeply.
Would you please elaborate a bit on Jack Lewis because even though his appearance is short-lived, he really seems to be a character.
As far as description goes, I do not think it needs any more. It sounds so child-like and mature at the same time.

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