Hey, i just want some pointers on this script that i've written so far, let me know what you guys think...
Characters:
ELLE - abducted by government agents and is being held against her will in some government holding cell.
JENNETT (female) - One of the government agents that believes Elle is involved with a series of murders
BRYAN (male) - Another agent that believes the same as Jennett.
GUARD - just a guard (shrugs shoulders)
Time of day: not detailed, not neccessary. The play is mostly situated in a confined interior room without any windows.
Setting: in a government holding cell (supposedly...ooo...ahhh)
Opening – Scene 1.
ELLE is lying on her side on a makeshift bed with her back to the audience. There is minimal, dull lighting. A recording plays of sounds that you might hear on a busy high street, people walking, talking, laughing, etc. Suddenly, sound of car tyres screeching, sound of shock from people, screams, people shouting, but unable to discern exactly what they are saying. Two strong lights of equal size shine, getting larger, like the front headlights of an approaching car. Black out.
Lights come back on to reveal a drab, prison cell like room, a makeshift bed is in one corner of the stage, and a chair in the opposing side. A pack of cards in the centre of the stage.
ELLE appears asleep, gradually wakes up, slowly raising herself up to sit on the bed. After awakening, she becomes aware of her surroundings and the way she is dressed (baggy pants, baggy top, both grey) and appears startled by them. Stands up, slowly becomes more agitated as she examines the room, attempts to open a door to get out, but it is clear that is locked. Her confusion and frustration leads to her going around the room in a frenzied search for a way out. Her foot knocks over the pile of cards, she stops and looks down, and after a short pause, slowly stoops down and picks them up, holding them in her hands with a look of deep concentration.
A loud klaxon sounds, causing her to jump, she quickly moves towards the bed and hides the cards in her bed sheets, moves back to the centre of the stage and looks towards the locked door.
Door opens, 3 people step in, 2 of them (man and a woman, Agent JENNETT and Agent BRYAN) are dressed in smart black business suits covered in a white lab coat, and another is dressed in clothes representative of a GUARD, who stands in front of the doorway after they have entered.
The Agents stand before ELLE, who recoils at the sight of seeing them and takes a few steps back as they approached her position, intimidated by them.
Agents look to each other momentarily, and then look back at ELLE.
ELLE tries to say something, but hesitates to do so, making quiet whimpering sounds.
Pause
Agent JENNETT : Hello ELLE, my name is Agent JENNETT; (indicates Agent BRYAN) this here is my colleague, Agent BRYAN. We trust that you know why you are...
ELLE : (Abruptly) No!
(Pause)
Agent BRYAN : (Steps forwards) Then allow me to clarify. You are here because we have reason to believe that you are involved with a man called Charles McLaughlin, a known murderer, who we believe is responsible for a string of indiscriminate homicides and assaults on innocent members of the public. We captured you as we have evidence that suggests that you have a romantic, and thus, supportive relationship with him, and are an accomplice to many of his attacks, is this true?
ELLE : (Shocked) What?! Murderer, NO!!!....T hat is absolutely not true, I have no idea who this man is...I...I don’t know what you’re...
BRYAN : Elle, please don’t lie to us, we know the extent of your involvement with him, and we know what you have done, if you can co-op...
ELLE : I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, YOU HAVE THE WRONG PERSON
(Pause)
(Agents look at each other)
Shit, this isn’t happening...fuck, FUCK...
JENNETT : There’s no point in denying these claims, ELLE. You are to be charged for colluding with a known offender and could face at least 20 years of time in prison.
ELLE : But I don’t know him, I’ve never heard of that man before, I’m not even in a relationship, this is all bullshit, you’ve made a mistake, you...
BRYAN : We are prepared to offer you a way out of this, ELLE, if you are willing to co-operate with us in bringing a known murderer to justice.
ELLE : How can I co-operate if I know fuck all about him!! This is all freaking preposterous
(Moves slowly towards Agents)
You people are idiots, you have the wrong person, I’m innocent, I’m fucking innocent I tell ya!!
BRYAN : (Sigh) You don’t have to make this hard for yourself, at all. If you can simply tell us all you know about him, then we will not have to proceed with the interrogation that we have planned in case of your reluctance to do so.
(Moves closer to ELLE, is almost face to face with ELLE)
I don’t want to have to hear you scream, satisfying as it might be considering all the things you’ve helped accomplish with Charles.
(ELLE looks away sharply and walks downstage a few paces before standing still)
Its one thing to be a murderer, but to lie about it later is just...
(ELLE buries her face in her hands, makes crying noises)
...disgusting.
ELLE : (Turns round sharply, facing BRYAN) I didn’t do anything, I swear, I don’t know anything about this man. I have never, ever, killed or assaulted anybody in my entire life...
BRYAN : Well, that’s not entirely true is it, you have injured somebody before, haven’t you? Back when you were a child at school, a fellow school girl, at lunch time. You left her physically scarred for the rest of her life, don’t you remember that?
ELLE : (ELLE is silent, looks down to the floor) You don’t understand, that was a...
BRYAN : Oh, so you can remember something you did years ago, but you can’t remember something that you did only a few days ago?
ELLE : It’s not that I don’t remember, it’s more like as if I HAD NO FUCKING PART IN IT!
(BRYAN sighs heavily)
I’m not talking anymore until my lawyer is present, this whole thing is just fucked, and I’m gonna have you two sued for...
JENNETT : (Moves towards ELLE, interrupting her) You can’t have a lawyer, due to the nature of this investigation; your right to have an attorney present has been suspended.
ELLE : Wha...what? Suspended. That’s bullshit; tell me what reason is there that my lawyer can’t be here.
JENNETT : You’re not in Britain anymore
(Pause)
ELLE : Where am I then?
JENNETT : You are in a secret government facility in a remote location, built to handle cases such as this without being bound by legal and time consuming processes and constraints. Here we can work quickly in order to get what information we want...
ELLE : Bullshit, I want to make a phone call...now...
BRYAN : We are going to give you some time to think about what you’re going to tell us.
(BRYAN moves towards the door but doesn’t leave, GUARD begins to open the door)
There are no restrictions on what we can do to extract the information we want out of you, be thankful that we only just came here to talk to you, next time we visit, we may feel inclined to take a more aggressive approach.
JENNETT : There is no escape from here, not unless you assist us, if you co-operate with us, you will not only be helping us, but also yourself.
(JENNETT exits, followed by BRYAN and the GUARD)
ELLE : (Slowly sits on the floor, staring blankly ahead)
This can’t be happening, this is just fucked...I...I...
(Stops, looks over to the bed, quickly moves towards it and gets out the pack of cards and moves back to where she was sitting before, facing the audience. Lays the card deck before her, looks down at it, and then looks straight ahead. Lays out the cards to play a game of Solitaire, and then commences to play a game).
(To the audience)
I didn’t do it, any of it, I swear!
(Pause)
How dare he talk about what I did to that school girl, he didn’t know the circumstances. She was bullying me, and I had enough of it...I...(sigh) I regret doing what I did, but if I let it go on...she had to be stopped, she was being so horrible to me...oh, fuck sake! That was years ago, it doesn’t matter now, I wasn’t convicted then for it, and I’m not being convicted now for it. I’m not being convicted at all, I’ve been kidnapped!
(Pause. She is shocked by the last thing she said)
I’ve been kidnapped, oh god. By some crazed people, I was taken whilst I was sleeping in my bed. Oh shit, what did they do to me whilst I was sleeping? Did they inject me with something to keep me unconscious, dab some chloroform on a handkerchief and smother it over my mouth and nose, did they...
(Drops the cards, quickly stands up, checks over her body, looking for any scars or marks, finds none)
No, thank god, they didn’t take anything.
(Sits back down in original position, picks up her cards and resumes playing, starts to rock back and forth)
I actually don’t know if I was asleep when they got me...maybe they slipped some kind of pill into a drink I had, or, or sprinkled some powder over some food I ate. Shit, I really can’t remember the last thing I did, all I remember is walking somewhere, and with someone...who was it...where was I going...where were WE going...
(Hears a faint tapping, ELLE is startled and looks around, a note is slipped in (either underneath the door or from the top corner of the room))
(ELLE slowly places her cards down, crawls over to the note slowly, warily. And quickly snatches it, and scurries back. Slowly unfolds the letter, examines it briefly, and begins to read it out aloud)
“Hello ELLE, how are you? I know that’s a stupid question to ask, given the circumstances, it’s not like you can talk back or anything. I really hope you get out of this state very soon. In fact, I’m gonna be right here, by your side, helping you get out of here. You’re gonna be fine ELLE, I promise you. We’re going to get out of this place, and go and live the rest of our lives as we dreamt it. This accident is not going to stop us doing that. You don’t have to talk to anybody that comes here, you don’t even have to talk to me, or to anyone else, in fact, don’t talk at all, and you can just rest. Don’t worry about what’s going to happen, I’ll take care of it all. You just let me know when you’re ready, I will be right here, waiting to help you get out of this place. In a year’s time, when we’re far away from here, this moment in time will be buried beneath heaps of happy memories. Oh, it’s Charlie by the way.”
(Pause)
(To the audience)
What is this? Is somebody offering me a chance to escape from this place, from the sounds of it, it seems I already have a secret admirer here. Here! Oh great, that’s so romantic, certainly doesn’t have any dodgy undertones at all does it. And how the hell did HE get a note in here. (Goes over and examines the place where the note entered) Huh, an air vent, he must’ve crawled along the shafts from his cell to mine somehow without getting caught. But then that also means he can come over here and peer at me whenever he wants without me knowing.
(Wraps arms around herself and looks over to the air vent fearfully, shuffles away from the vent to the other side of the room)
How did he manage to get hold of some paper to write on, or even a pencil to write with? Oh, but wait,
(looks over to her cards laid out on the floor momentarily)
maybe they leave us with certain items for some reason, you know, to entertain ourselves with.
(Pause)
Maybe the guy’s a writer! Eugh, yeah, a creepy sex-crazed writer who lures woman through endearing letters. And surely the pencil could be used as a weapon, but then again, what’s a pencil to a fully loaded gun. You would be able to shoot somebody before they can do any serious damage with a pencil. Bah, it’s fucking stupid, why would they leave us with anything at all, unless..
(Pause, moves over to the bed, and hides the note in the sheets, brief pause, looking at the bed after hiding the note, reflecting)
Maybe it’s a trick, maybe one of those agents slipped in to trick me, lull me into a fall sense of security, maybe fall for this secret admirer and confide with him my secrets through note passing.
(Pause, moves over to where the cards are laid, picks up the deck that she dropped before, and resumes playing)
But then why tell me not to speak, surely they would want me to speak, why create a fake persona to trick me with if he’s just gonna tell me not to talk, he doesn’t write anywhere or suggest that he wants me to write back anyway, he just wants me to be quiet and rest.
(Pause)
If he’s able to get into the air vents and get this note to me successfully, then, maybe, he actually knows the layout of this building to some degree, maybe he is real, maybe he can get me out of here!
(Slaps herself on the forehead)
Don’t be a fool Elle, it’s a trick, it’s got to be. This is reality, and you know how cruel reality can be. This is just part of the agents’ plan to get you to talk somehow. Even though you don’t have anything to talk about, because you are after all innocent.
(Pause)
Maybe he’s innocent as well, maybe he’s been here for ages and he’s had the opportunity to secretly explore the place through the air vents. But if that’s so, why hasn’t he been able to escape before I got here, does it just so happen that he’s managed to find a way out, but then I came along, and he wants to offer me a chance to escape with him, and now he’s biding his time, thinking of a new way to take the both of us away from here, but how? Why? Why take me, save yourself man!
(Pause, hand to mouth, look of shock)
The fact that I don’t have anything to write with, as well as him telling me not to talk, suggests to me that he is sincere, the agents would have done the opposite, they would’ve given me something to write with AND somehow got me to exchange messages with him in order to get to me relinquish whatever supposed information that they think I have about...about...
(Pause, Scratches head)
That name, Charlie, it’s kinda familiar. I mean, I know it’s a nickname for somebody called Charles maybe, but I don’t know any Charles McLaughlin, of that I’m certain. But Charlie, that name makes me feel...weird...I...I don’t know...I...
(Is interrupted by the sound of shouts and anguished cries, she jumps, and moves away from the noise towards the bed, noises fade away, ELLE buries her head in her hands and begins to cry.)
Fuck it, I’m gonna believe that he’s real. Any chance of getting out of here I will take, I have nothing to admit to anyway, those bloody agents can interrogate me as much as they want, they are not gonna get what they want out of me. I’m telling the truth!
(Screaming is heard again, the lights begin to flicker, then the screaming stops, and the lights go back to normal)
(whispering) I’m gonna get out of this, I’m going to be fine. He exists, there’s nothing to fear. It’s going to be fine, I’m going to be fine.
(Loud banging is heard, ELLE whimpers a little, and crawls over to the cards and resumes playing. The banging eventually stops, ELLE carries on playing briefly, stops, and then drops the card, falls over on to her side, holding herself, crying softly.)
Oh god, please, please let it be true. He is real. He is gonna get me out of here. Please. Please.
(Banging is heard again, followed by anguished screaming and flickering lights. ELLE reacts to this by covering her ears and crying heavily)
(Trying to shout over the noises) Stop! STOP!
(ELLE screams loudly, and as she does the banging and the screaming stops, followed by a black out, and ELLE stops screaming.)
