*Edward is in one of his uber mushy lovey-dovey moods again*
Ed: Oh sweet Bella, the love of my life, the air that I breathe, the lighthouse for my lost boat, the cherry on my sundae, my darling sweetie pie cuddly bear cutie wutie honey wunny bunny lovey wuvey Belly welly…
Bella: Oh Eddykins, my…
Meep: If you start ranting on about sappy stuff like Cullen did, I swear I will strangle you.
Meyer: Hey…who’s this intruder in my story?
Meep: A disgruntled reader who wants her refund or she’ll unleash hell in your story.
*stomps over to Bella and Edward who are glued at the lips*
Meep: Bella, you idiot. This is a G-rated story, no kissy faces are allowed here!
*slaps Bella with a dead fish*
Ed: You can’t to that to my-
Meep: If you say anything with excessively sweet references to Bella, I will kick you where it really hurts.
Ed: *looks at Meep uncertainly* Uhh…You can’t do that to my… honey pie?
Meep: Wrong answer! *Proceeds to knee Edward in the said place*
News reporter: Breaking news! Due to a severe injury in his reproductive organs, Edward Cullen has become infertile and the birth of Renesmee will not come through!
Meep: *snickers evilly*
Bella: Nooooo! EddyWeddy!!! *rushes over to Edward*
Edward: Ouch, that bleeping hurt! (Due to the G-rated content of this script, cursing is replaced with ‘bleep’)
Bella: How could you do this to my babycakes, sweet pea-
Meep: How would YOU like to become infertile as well?
Bella: *bawls annoyingly* Now that we don’t have Renesmee, Breaking Dawn can’t exist!!!
*In the distance, Meep hears anti-Twilighters rejoicing*
Bella: Why do you hate us so much?
Meep: It’s not just you. Meyer just refuses to give me my money back. I could have used my money for three perfectly good cheeseburgers. Plus, I’m sick and tired of hearing girls gush over a fictional vampire who will never exist.
Meyer: Damn. Now that Edward is infertile, I am forced to betroth Bella to Jacob Black.
Meep: I just want my cash back, dammit!
Jacob: Bells baby! Come to Jakey!
Bella: Uhh… okay. *walks over to Jacob’s side*
Edward: Nooooo!!! Bella, don’t go!!! Remember all the good times we had? Like when I stalked you 24/7?
Jacob: *does victory dance* In your face, bloodsucker!
Edward: I have no more reason to live… *hobbles off to the Volturi, still clutching his injury*
Meyer: Oh dear, this is all a mess. There’s no love rivalry in this story now…
Oh I know! I’ll put Meep in as a rival for Jacob’s affections!
Meep: What the hell?!?!
Meyer: Jacob, meet Meep. Meep, meet Jacob. *Bella looks on, glaring*
Jacob: Sup?
Meep: Go and die, you stupid puppy. *turns to Bella* You can have him.
Bella: Really? *beams*
Meep: Yes, you can have him… dead. *stabs Jacob in the chest with pen*
Jacob: I can’t die, I heal fast!
Meep: *stabs Jacob in the head* Now look what you’ve done! What am I supposed to do with red ink?
Bella: Nooooo! Widowed twice in one day!
Meep: You have to be married to be widowed, you twit.
Meyer: What?! Another guy killed? I’ll have to replace him with someone suitable again…
Meep: Then I’ll just kill-
*A heavenly dude descends from up above, it is the YWS God.*
Nate: Meep! Stop this nonsense *takes a bite out of his cheeseburger* immediately!
Meep: *spots cheeseburger* Mmmm….cheeseburger… *drool*
Nate: Even if you didn’t like the story, and wasted your money on the book rather than buy a cheeseburger like me, you shouldn’t wreck havoc in it! Respect our fellow writers!
Meep: B-but…she doesn’t qualify to be an author-
Nate: No buts, Meep. Do as I say.
Meep: Fine.
Meyer: *eyes Nate* Hmm…he’s kind of cute…I know! Bella shall fall in love with Nate!
Nate: What?! No way!!! You better stay away from me, Meyer. I've got a cheeseburger and I'm not afraid to use it!
Meep: Still want me to respect her?
Nate: I’ve changed my mind. Let’s get out of here before she gets me! *beams Meep and himself back up to heaven*
Meep: Aww man! I bleeping still haven’t bleeping got my money back!
Bleep.
*In the background, die-hard Twilight fanatics attempt to assasinate Meep*
