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Gaea - Prologue

~Excalibur~ · 2008-12-29T03:33:36Z

Author's note: Like it? Hate it? Review it! Edit: New version up. Did some heavy reworking. Edit2: Please review my posted chapters! This will be revisited later on when more the story is hammered out. PM for trade reviews okay! --- In a clash of fire and brilliant light, three angels fell from the heavens in winter's night. Ethereal wings of purest light banished the darkness for a brief moment, like the midnight sun. Crimson ribbons flung from the body of a sinner. The ground shattered and the world trembled. The vast untamed and ancient forests vanished instantly, consumed in hellfire of holy judgment. A million souls vanished instantly, the price of salvation from the heavenly host. Now the world is at peace. Prosperity and hope rule supreme as treachery is ruthlessly stamped out by the all encompassing Church of Lotus Vale, revived by the events of thirty years ago. Ripples of disease and sickness spread by tainted nature. The young Cardinal Wentz and his loyal retainer, Brother Raye, head to the southern outskirts of the kingdom in search of a life-saving remedy. Relics from the bygone era appear on the border of civilization, beckoning the unanswered challenge. Pandora's box is opened once again as the lasting legacy of a living weapon emerges from self-imposed exile and the truth of the Miracle of Marham. --------- Old -------- In a clash of fire and brilliant light, angels fell from the heavens in winter's night. Ethereal wings of purest light banished the darkness for a brief moment, like the midnight sun. Ribbons of light danced in a captivating aurora of radiant swirls. The light fell to the ground and the world trembled and shattered. The vast untamed and ancient forests vanished instantly, consumed in hellfire. Lashing out at one another, two glowing white figures charged one another, spear and sword in hand, vanishing into the hellfire of their own fury. The ground broke under their feet, a crater a kilometer wide formed at the point of impact and the sky disappeared under the raining earth. The victor, with spear in hand, became a pillar of light and shot forth into the heavens just as quickly as the two had appeared. Miraculously, the only speck of civilization, the border town of Retz, survived and bore witness to the power of gods. Even more miraculously, a survivor was found in the wake of the destruction, young girl known by the name of Aphonia.

Flux

Gender

Points 5749

Reviews 106

Sat Jan 31, 2009 3:10 am

Flux says... · Sat Jan 31, 2009 3:10 am

I'm jealous of your talent, but I agree with The.Dreamwalker. It did get very wordy. And it was hard to follow. A little more action, yes, to catch the attention.... I'm not going to get into a huge review right now. There wasn't much to work with here...yet.

I liked the new edit best. That's really all I have to say.

LaReina!

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.

Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth."

-- Oscar Wilde

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Logan101

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 4

Thu Feb 05, 2009 11:36 pm

Logan101 says... · Thu Feb 05, 2009 11:36 pm

it was vary well writen but i dident realy like the story ine at all so what im trying to get at is that you should keep writing just get a new story line sorry if i was to hard on you

with the best of luck Logan

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Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.
— "Hamlet," William Shakespeare

Gaea - Prologue

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