Crying On Paper

I can not cry it would seem,
unless along the paper stream.
Where words are the fish
that go with its flow.
Where learning and fun,
are the same, we know.
But some of the ever
more beautiful streams,
carry the words of a
sad person's dreams.
they are the ones
that teach us the most
and let us show emotions
we never boast
So as I'm sitting,
creating this stream,
I cry, yell, I shout and scream,
all because of another paper stream.

Hey there, Evanrith.

I found this be fairly boring and pointless. The flow was halting at times and poorly managed. I also found the repetition of 'streams' to be my main problem, it was extremely annoying and it came off as amateurish. You repeated it only for the sake of the rhyming scheme or because of a limited vocabulary.

I suggest throwing away the rhyme and just describing what it is your trying to say, avoiding the repetition and opening up other avenues of description.

Good luck.
Cheers

This is to the people that call any piece of art pointless-
It's okay that not everyone is an artist, but to denounce that something "has no point" would be calling it worthless. Where else this is a very pointed piece of work. Read it, think about it, digest it, chew it over all those things. Do that, look for the underlying currents and streams in it and you'll find out that it is a very pointed poem. But think it through, thats what you have to do with my work. I work subtley and with underlying meanings and sybolism.
And last, to say that a peice of art is pointless, as you so boldly have boasted, is none but the greatest blashphemy from anyone who calls themself an artist.
The peice obviously has meaning to the person who wrote it. else they would never have written it, yes?

Hello evanrith. My opinion on your poem is that it has a great idea behind it but the words are a bit boring. I absolutely loved the title though. It sounds-to the reader-that you're writing down random words that happen to make a little bit of sense just for the sake of having it rhyme.

Where learning and fun,
are the same, we know.

It would sound a lot better if you changed learning and fun to something more deep like love and some other thing.

But some of the ever
more beautiful streams,
carry the words of a
sad person's dreams.

Consider changing sad person's to lonely person's. Sad sounds a bit vague.

I cry, yell, I shout and scream,
all because of another paper stream.

The last sentence didn't make sense. I thought you said that the "stream" was the way you pour your emotions out. Then why would you yell and shout at it?


Anyways, to sum it all up basically, I thought the underlying idea about "crying on paper" is fantastic but the writing needs a little bit of work on. Good job though.

Hiya ^^ I don't think this is pointless. All poetry (All writing in general) has to have a point. Even if it's hard to spot, beaneth all words there is a reason why they are there. I will agree that your word choice is a little blane, but that's okay. Sometimes we have to add to our poetry to make it better. There's no reason why you can't improve this. ^^ I personally liked it...
Though the last line is a little confusing. I think you were trying to express that your emotions were they way they were because of another person prehaps...But I'm not sure. It seems like you gave streams three different meanings. Emotions, writing, and people...I dunno.
But there's a good meaning to this and if you add a little more color to it, presto! Overall not a bad job. ^^

Hey ya ^^
I appreciate this short piece.
It shows a good emotion and the sense of being scared to show your true self..
Like you're wearing a mask
You just wanna shout, "THIS IS ME!!!"
I feel that way sometimes.

I could connect.
I saw no really obvious grammar errors or things I felt I needed to correct.
Some nice images and an overall sweet poem.
If I was you, I'd try extending it to make us even more dazzled!

If you need any tips or have any questions, or just wanna say hello, please feel free to contact me!

- tammy

To me this seems to be about writing, expressing your thoughts and emotions through writing. That is what I understood at least and felt. I think the words you used and the general flow of the poem was great but I was also confused by the very lsat line of the poem.

Actully the last two people to state what this about were both right. this is about showing ones true self through words and writing and about the emotional hurt one can feel because of simple words put together in a line very lax writing styles with very in depth meanings.