Chapter 2 - Untitled

Chapter 2


Rachel got into the bathroom, went into the first stall,sat on the toilet, and started crying.
"Why does this have to happen to me?" she asked herself.
After about ten minutes, she wiped the tears off of her face and went to her next class.

"Nice of you to join us, miss Rachel." Mr.Turret said

"Sorry." Rachel said looking down. She went to the third row and sat down, she noticed a new girl sitting next to her.

"Hey, aren't you the girl that tripped?" she asked Rachel with little expression on her face.

"Yeah... who are you?" she asked, looking into the girl's giant green eyes.

"Oh, I'm Margaret. I'm new here." the girl replied with a smile on her face.

Rachel looked down at her History book and started doodling on the orange folder next to it.

"Alright class. Today we are going to learn about Martin Luther King." Mr.Turret said boldly.

The class sighed and all slunk back into their chairs. The bell rang a slow twenty - five minutes later and the students all got out of the chairs and out into the crowded hallway.
Rachel went to her locker and Richard came up behind her.

"Let's go Rachel!" he pulled her from her locker and out unto the football field where the seniors were playing their first football game of the season.
They sat down on the bleachers and soon afterwards, the band came out. Rachel watched as the girl from her History class went out onto the field with a huge misplaced Tuba.

"Oh no, Margaret." Rachel said under her breath.
She heard one of the drum players scream at her. Margaret looked confused.
They started playing and Margaret ran around the field trying to find where the other tuba players were.
The crowd started chuckling and soon enough, everybody knew about the mistaken new girl.

Well since it's short, I'll copy/paste.

Rachel got into the bathroom, went into the first stall, Put a Space Here sat on the toilet, and started crying.

"Why does this have to happen to me?" she asked herself.

After about ten minutes, she wiped the tears off of her face and went to her next class.

"Nice of you to join us, Miss Rachel," Mr.Turret said.

"Sorry," Rachel said looking down. She went to the third row and sat down; she noticed a new girl sitting next to her.

"Hey, aren't you the girl that tripped?" she asked Rachel with little expression on her face.

"Yeah... who are you?" she asked, I suggest putting Rachel's name here instead of saying "she" so it's not "she asked" twice in a row. looking into the girl's giant green eyes.

"Oh, I'm Margaret. I'm new here," the girl replied with a smile on her face.

Rachel looked down at her history Unless it has a number after it (History 101 or something) or it is a proper adjective (English, Spanish, etc.), you do not capitalise course names. book and started doodling on the orange folder next to it.

"Alright, The teacher is directly addressing the class, so you need a comma. class. Today we are going to learn about Martin Luther King," Mr.Turret said boldly.

The class sighed and all slunk back into their chairs. The bell rang a slow twenty-five You had spaces around the dash here, just hyphenate it normally. minutes later, Compound sentence. and the students all You use this word so much, lol. got out of the "their" might sound better. chairs and out into the crowded hallway.

Rachel went to her locker, and Richard came up behind her.

"Let's go, Rachel!" I suggest putting a different verb here instead of "pulled". If you're going to leave "he" uncapitalised, then you need a conversational verb. "he exclaimed, pulling her from her locker..." for example. he pulled her from her locker and out unto the football field where the seniors were playing their first football game of the season.

They sat down on the bleachers and soon afterwards, the band came out. Rachel watched as the girl from her History class went out onto the field with a huge, When having more than one adjective modifying a noun, separate them with commas. misplaced tuba. Don't capitalise "tuba".

"Oh no, Margaret," Rachel said under her breath.

She heard one of the drum players scream at her. Margaret looked confused.

They started playing, and Margaret ran around the field trying to find where the other tuba players were.

The crowd started chuckling and soon enough, Just like with "all", you tend to use "soon" and "soon enough"-type words and phrases a lot. Try expressing it in different ways. everybody knew about the mistaken new girl.

I read the first chapter a few minutes ago and was glad to see you had uploaded the second this morning. It's interesting, but it seems like a normal "girl gets humiliated in school" story. Try putting more events into the chapters instead of just normal school happenings.

I did find it amusing, and you do a good job in making us feel sorry for Rachel though.

If you continue this, I look forward to seeing exactly what you put her through


joseph.dean-