Shreds

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Shreds

My heart strings tugs
as I remember you.
Why is it I can only write my poetry
in the peak of the moments
of falling in love with you?
This teases my feelings
and pulls at my tears.

I thought I was free of you.
I wanted to be free of you.
I’m not sure if I ever will be now.
Your words still flow fast as ever,
just not at me any more.
I miss those days of ramblings, talkings, musing.
You are my muse, and I miss you.

If only I could be your muse now,
maybe you’ll find me desirable again.
The memories still hurt.
Thinking I was over it,
I was reminded again
and it all came rushing back to me
and the same pain is still here,
just sometimes buried.

There’s something not right;
you being able to control me.
Your words make me scream now,
I can’t even read them.
Not without my sight becoming blurred by tears.

It’s not right,
you leaving me,
me leaving you.
I can’t help but feel
that there’s still something too beautifully right
about this shred of love I have left of you.
@(^_^)@
Got YWS?




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Gender Male
Points 1659
Reviews 223
yoha_ahoy wrote:Shreds

My heart strings tugs
as I remember you.
WOW!
Why is it I can only write my poetry
in the peak of [s]the[/s] moments
of falling in love with you? Change the question mark with some your thoughts so we can see what's wrong.
This teases my feelings
and pulls at my tears. at=out

I thought I was free of you.
I wanted to be free of you.
Why did you want to be free if you thought you were free?
I’m not sure if I ever will be now. Good. Roots from philosophy...
Your words still flow fast as ever,
just not at me any more.
I miss those days of ramblings, talking, musing.
You are my muse, and I miss you. Why comma? Why "...and I miss you?" Put some feel in it.

If only I could be your muse now,
maybe you’ll find me desirable again.
The memories still hurt.
Thinking I was over it,
I was reminded again
and it all came rushing back to me
and the same pain is still here,
just sometimes buried.

There’s something not right;
you being able to control me. Something's not right cause of your controlling me..
Your words make me scream now,
I can’t even read them. You don't "READ" words when you're talking with someone.
Not without my sight becoming blurred by tears.

It’s not right,
you leaving me,
me leaving you.
I can’t help but feel
that there’s still something too beautifully right
about this shred of love I have left of you.


I would like you to take a look at your title. Such a strong word and you didn't used advantage of it...
Hope I helped....
Dreams they come and go...ever shall be so...




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Gender None specified
Points 1046
Reviews 51
Yoha-ahoy, here's praise and i will like to review this poem shreds. First of all it's a good one although with many flaws present in it. Ummmh...... Your poem is emotional and brings to mind one's state after a break up. But the way you expressed your words lacked the basic flow and some other punctuation errors. It also seemed you were trying to hide some feelings you were supposed to express. It's nice you express all your feelings. Well just PM me whenever you have a new post. Thanks



they got that magical iridescence that you don't expect to be on a sky rat y'know
— Ari11