The Light of my Heart

The sun’s radiation

Paints the sky

With bands of purple and red.

And electromagnetism

Hisses vengefully

As pines and firs

Dance in the arctic wind,

Swaying in the snow.

The stars are pinpricks

In a multicolored cloth

Woven out of night and electrons.

The beams of light,

Pierce my soul,

Just like his eyes;

And he doesn’t notice

That he is like the wind,

That arctic wind,

Slowly freezing me

With his cold disposition.

So beautiful,

So loud,

So cold.

Like the aurora

He doesn’t care,

Just goes on living,

Living and hissing.

i love your poem and the right balance with nature.

your use of scientific terms also got the poem going.

'electromagnetism'


'electrons'



'The beams of light'


thanks

Explosive_Pen wrote:


The sun’s radiation

Paints the sky

With bands of purple and red.

And electromagnetism

Hisses vengefully

As pines and firs

Dance in the arctic wind,

Swaying in the snow.

The stars are pinpricks YOU JUMPED FROM SUN TO SOME POLAR ATMOSPHERE...AND THEN STARS WHO HAVEN'T GOT ANY COMMON SENSE.

In a multicolored cloth (HAVEN'T SEEN ANY MULTICOLORED STARS SO FAR IN MY LIFE)

Woven out of night and electrons.

The beams of light, LIGHT IS MUCH BETTER THAN STARS.

Pierce my soul,

Just like his eyes;

And he doesn’t notice

That he is like the wind,

That arctic wind,

Slowly freezing me

With his cold disposition.

So beautiful,

So loud,

So cold.

Like the aurora

He doesn’t care,

Just goes on living,

Living and hissing.

I like the end of your poem. Actually, the second part of it.

darko.demark666 ~ The stars aren't multicolored, the sky is. Which is why it says, "In a multicolored cloth woven out of night and electrons." And in the picture, the sky is multicolored, so I assumed that part was self-explanatory. Sorry if it's somehow unclear.

Explosive_Pen wrote:darko.demark666 ~ The stars aren't multicolored, the sky is. Which is why it says, "In a multicolored cloth woven out of night and electrons." And in the picture, the sky is multicolored, so I assumed that part was self-explanatory. Sorry if it's somehow unclear.

:):):) Me->stupid....sorry about that....you can slap me when you see me on streets Good thing you've noticed my mistake...actually...you reviewed me...see you later...

Hah, s'okay.

Beautiful! In all my time on this site, I've never seen a poem with a picture, so congrats on originality! On to the crit:

And electromagnetism

Hisses vengefully

As pines and firs

Dance in the arctic wind,

Swaying in the snow.

Loved this part. Crisp, clear imagery.

The beams of light,

Pierce my soul,

Dear God, don't say "pierce my soul!" It detracts from an otherwise flawless poem. Surely there's a more creative way you could say this?

Just like his eyes

Wonderful. I wasn't sure where this poem was going until I hit this line, and then it all slid together. Such a smooth transition from scenery to romance. Well done.

With his cold disposition.

So beautiful,

So loud,

So cold.

Like the aurora

He doesn’t care,

Just goes on living,

Living and hissing

.


Another gorgeous part, although I'm not sure about the word "disposition." It sounds sterile next to words like "aurora" and "living". Then again, you mention electromagnetism, so maybe it fits. The repetition of "so" is my favorite part of this poem. I'm speechless. Where did this poem come from? PM me if you want.

Explosive_Pen wrote:

The sun’s radiation

Paints the sky

With bands of purple and red.

And electromagnetism

Hisses vengefully

As pines and firs

Dance in the arctic wind,

Swaying in the snow.

The stars are pinpricks

In a multicolored cloth

Woven out of night and electrons.

The beams of light,

Pierce my soul,

Just like his eyes;

And he doesn’t notice

That he is like the wind,

That arctic wind,

Slowly freezing me

With his cold disposition.

So beautiful,

So loud,

So cold.

Like the aurora

He doesn’t care,

Just goes on living,

Living and hissing.

You put emotions and science and words together and it resulted in wonderful poetry. Loved everything.