Unpleasant Feelings

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Crescentblaze

It looked like Graypaw was out of danger. But Starclan, there is no peace in the camp!

Feeling a need for fresh air, I crept outside. No one challenged me; the dawn patrol had already left.

I breathed in deeply, savoring the fresh scent of pine. Though our territory is explored, there are still places that have never felt a cat ’s paw.

I was just settling down, when a weight settled on my shoulders. The scent was male, but I didn’t recognize it. “Toms, cut that out!” I cried.

A voice spoke in my ear. “So, you’re a Clan cat.”

Graypaw

Starclan, where was Crescentblaze? I had checked all the usual places: the hollow by the stream, the old oak;
I’d even taken a look in Firestar’s den.

“Is that you, Graypaw?”
Oh, blast, it was Whitepaw… the last tom I wanted to see.

“I haven’t seen Crescentblaze anywhere,” he said.

“That makes two of us,” I replied.

“Let’s split up and look for her!”

After nearly an hour, we were ready to quit. Then an anguished yowl reached me: “Graypaw, help!”

Hot anger welled up in my chest. She was in trouble? Starclan, was that another tom?

Heedless of Whitepaw behind me, I leaped into the fray.

Crescentblaze
“You’re not so terrible,” the strange cat said in my ear. He shifted his weight. "I'll let you up. I don't want to hurt you; I'm merely curious."

I rallied all the scorn I could muster. "Curious? Well, you know the old saying."

Graypaw
Another cry echoed around the woods

“Thunderclan! Thunderclan!” I howled. Bursting into a clearing, I gasped. A small, lithe tom had pinned Crescentpaw to the ground.

Whitepaw and I struck at the same time. The stranger, taken off balance, landed in a huff of lost breath.

I had originally placed an Omega symbol between parts. Does that transfer?
Last edited by Stori on Fri May 13, 2011 8:41 pm, edited 5 times in total.




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No. Oh, and you messed up with your italics and such... oh, and one more thing. At first, you tried to make the names larger.
[size=large]Crescentblaze[/size]


later on, however, you didn't.
Crescentblaze


Also, it doesn't tell us who this cat is, or what he's doing. Also, how does he know that she's a clancat?
Your monthly Bible quote: "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are decietful." Proverbs 27:6



Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
— Pablo Neruda