Silly, but Never Childish

Another one of my experiments, gone awry. Lemme know what you think. I dunno how you format on here, so disregard the bad layout. Anywayz, enjoy (or, you know, don't)!




Dearest Eliza,

Oh dear. 'Tis the season, alright. The snow falls, then stops. Falls again, stops again. Make up your mind, snow! I suppose, though, that ten years from now, you will not remember when it was cold. Global warming has not yet claimed our state, but it is only a matter of time.

And how quickly the time goes!

But to reminisce about the days of old (for they will certainly be long gone when you read this) is not my purpose. You are a young women now. Remember when you called yourself ugly? Remember when you were an awkward child, uncomfortable with all the changes? Those days are surely long gone now. You are beautiful. Why not admit it? Do you not owe it to yourself?

I trust you have not let yourself become who you never wanted to be. You've not let yourself become like them; selfish and consumed with power and greed, and a lust for violence. Surely you are still the same person I remember. Surely your bright smile still lights up the room, and your inviting charisma still charms everyone you meet.

So now, I leave you with this advice: Be closed, but never locked; serious, but never staid; silly, but never childish. Be who you are. Be the person I remember.

My sincerest love,
Eliza

Hey there Explosive pen.


I can't believe this has no reviews. I find it unfair that nonfiction is so often overlooked. It bothers me, because when pieces are written well, they deserve to be reviewed.

The grammar was well done here. Good job; I enjoy reading pieces that don't have many grammar issues.


The polite manner-- perhaps almost overly polite-- manner that this is spoken in somehow hints to me that this was intended to sound old, perhaps from the nineteen twenties or earlier. People rarely speak like this, and very few write like this still.


Nevertheless, it was good. Keep it up! This site could use a good deal more of Non Fiction


June

Cute! I actually didn't mean to stumble into the non-fiction section, but now I'm glad I did.

Global warming has not yet claimed our state, but it is only a matter of time.

Only problem I found. Maybe instead of "our state", "us"? "Our state" kinda ruins the tone of the phrase.

I really like this letter, especially the advice at the end. Definitely something I will remember! It's fabulous how you have taken the idea of a letter to your future self and written it like a real letter, almost as if you are a parental figure.

I will definitely check out the non-fiction section a lot more now, thanks! Gold star for you!

PS: Love the avvie.

Hello!
I shall start off with some nitpicks:
1)The sentence mentioning Global Warming is awkwardly phrased, so you should revise that.
Well, I'm done with the nitpicks.

Good points:
Grammar, spelling and punctuation were good,
I did not find any mistakes.

Overall:
The plot was very cute. A person writing to herself.
Since this is a non-fictional piece,
I would assume that you wrote the letter?
Anyway, I liked it

Oh, and if you want reviews,
You can ask instructors for one,
Or go to the forums, some people are offering to do reviews

Saw this in the featured story part of the site, and I decided to click on it. I like this note, how it's both about yourself and about the world, it's very interesting. I like how you ramble on about things as you remind yourself of who you were, who you might be, and who you are. It's wonderful, and the perfect thing for the new year.

Comments are in bold.

Dearest Eliza,

Oh dear. I think a comma might do well here, but I do think it works fine on its own. One of those maybe nitpicks. 'Tis the season, alright. The snow falls, then stops. Falls again, stops again. Make up your mind, snow! I suppose, though, that ten years from now, you will not remember when it was cold. Global warming has not yet claimed our state, but it is only a matter of time. I love how you go through the cycle of snowfall, and then connect it to the might be in the future, almost as if it were a metaphor for you own self.

And how quickly the time goes!

But to reminisce about the days of old (for they will certainly be long gone when you read this) is not my purpose. You are a young women now. Remember when you called yourself ugly? Remember when you were an awkward child, uncomfortable with all the changes? Those days are surely long gone now. You are beautiful. Why not admit it? Do you not owe it to yourself? And I absolutely love this part, how you delve into the past, but admit to yourself that you are beautiful and that you should be proud of it. A great message for everyone.

I trust you have not let yourself become who you never wanted to be. You've not let yourself become like them; I think a colon would work better here, instead of the semicolon, as you are creating a list. Technically you can also get rid of the comma after power and greed. selfish and consumed with power and greed, and a lust for violence. Surely you are still the same person I remember. Surely your bright smile still lights up the room, and your inviting charisma still charms everyone you meet. I'm not so sure about it, but you might want to add in commas after the surely's. It all depends, I can kind of see them as an aside, but I can also see them as belonging to a whole. And I love the message within this part, that no one ever quite changes from their true self.

So now, I leave you with this advice: Be closed, but never locked; serious, but never staid; silly, but never childish. Be who you are. Be the person I remember. Another part that I love, the message is just so perfect. The advice that everyone needs to hear and follow. I had to look up the meaning of 'staid' and I do say that it fits in perfectly with what you're saying. And, just the fact that I had to look it up made it worthwhile, as it's the concise word that says exactly what you want it to say. Advice should be wise. And I love the distinction between silly and childish that became the title of this piece.

My sincerest love,
Eliza

I absolutely love this letter to yourself. It's perfect in the way it looks to the past, but also looks to the future and finds hope. Hope is a wonderful thing. And this is the perfect new years resolution and something to look back on as the years pass.

Good luck with your writing!

- Tatra

This was beautiful. It moved me in ways I cannot express in words, and I loved it. Your mastery of words here (and everywhere else) is so wondrous. One small error that nobody has mentioned yet:

You are a young women now.

That should be 'woman'. Other than that, I have nothing against this. Simply beautiful. I apologize for repeating myself, but I have nothing else that can describe it. The tone, the situation, the message. All heart-warmingly touching.

Great piece! I can't think of much to criticise, just maybe comment on the elevated way of speaking, it seems kind of old-fashioned to me... Hey, maybe you talk like that, I don't know lol.
But I like the last line a lot, I think it really speaks to young people, trying to find themselves. It reminds them to remain who they are, but to have fun at the same time.

Good work

No fair! How come you get to be so good at writing without even trying? Rawr!

Ahem, sorry about that, though it was sincere and I hope it made you feel special. ;P Well, I would nitpick you, but little Ms. Perfectionist/Future English Major didn't make any mistakes that weren't already pointed out. So I guess I'll have to be nice and say all the stuff I liked.

Remember when you were an awkward child, uncomfortable with all the changes?

Haha, awkward is a bit of an understatement for us, don't you think? And uncomfortable? Pshh, don't even remind me about bio. Wait, that was supposed to be what I liked, and it came out more as a nitpick. Oh well, you get my weird sense of humor I think.