Fudge Castle: Confrontation

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Since this is just an excerpt, let me give you a basic summary. Basically, there is this king, Ice Gora, who is trying to take over the two remaining independent kingdoms, Vanilla and Chocolate. Danny is trying to raise an army to attack Ice Gora, and with a prince and a princess attempts to formulate a plan. So, with this basic idea, here is an excerpt of "Fudge Castle".





Sheath's hooves pounded on the hard, brown earth as Danny reveled in the pleasure of freedom. He fixed his eyes on their destination: The Chocolate Forest. As they neared the dark tangle of vines and foliage, Danny's sharp eyes spotted a plume of smoke rising from the heart of the forest. He slowed his horse and patted his sweating neck.

"Good boy," he said quietly. He led Sheath into the dark woods by his halter. As Danny worked his way through the thorns and thick underbrush of the forest, he began to hear voices cutting through the crisp air.

When he reached the source of the voices, Danny found himself on the edge of a camp of King Gora's men. Danny gasped and instictively crouched, hate for the enemy welling up inside him. He tied his horse to a low-hanging branch and slowly circled the camp, his eyes absorbing the soldiers quick motions, the rasp of swords being sharpened, the excitment coursing through the camp.

As he continued to circle the camp, his feet moved smoothly, not disturbing a leaf or cracking a twig. His heart quickened as he observed the activity of the camp.
They're getting ready to move out, he thought.

He fingered his sword as he pondered the importance of this revelation. Suddenly, a twig snapped behind him. Danny whipped out his sword and whirled around, finding himself blade-to-blade with a soldier. Danny's eyes narrowed with the spite that had built up since the siege of his kingdom's castle. He glared into the hard face of his enemy.
"Who are you?" the soldier demanded haughtily.
"I am your fiercest opponent,"Danny spat.
The duel began. Danny brought his blade around in an attack, but the soldier quickly parried and brought his blade toward Danny's stomach. Danny fended off the blow, but as he brought his blade around to the soldier's leg, a stunning blow hit him on the back of his head.

He sank to his knees in agony, blood trickling down the back of his neck. As he looked up, a sergeant came out from behind him, smiling maliciously. Danny panted and groaned, and as the soldier placed the cold steel of a blade to his neck, Danny dropped his head in humiliation and defeat.

"Up," demanded the soldier viciously. Danny rose slowly to his feet, careful not to let the blade slice his skin. By now, a crowd of jeering soldiers had gathered around Danny and his captor. The sergeant motioned to a mean-looking private.
"Bind him," he ordered. The man went back to camp and grabbed a length of rope. He yanked Danny's arms back so roughly, Danny had to stifle a gasp. He wrapped the rope tightly around Danny's wrists. He stepped back and saluted to his superior, then slipped back into the crowd of men.

"What is your name, boy?" addressed the sergeant. Danny clamped his jaw shut and glared at his captor. The sergeant stepped closer to Danny until he was but an inch from his face. Danny could smell the fish on his breath and see the wrinkles on his forehead.
"I asked you a question. What is your name?" Danny knew that pain would follow his answer, but his gaze was steady upon his enemy's face and his voice was unwavering as he spoke.

"I'll tell you nothing," he said spitefully. The sergeant glared at him for a moment, then raised his fist and struck Danny in his head. The world exploded in pain, and Danny crumpled to the ground, unconcious.
Last edited by vet4life13 on Sat Dec 20, 2008 5:00 am, edited 1 time in total.




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If this was a book I found in the bookstore I'd buy it lol. No kidding, I'm serious! Kingdoms of Chocolate and Vanilla, that's great. But poor Danny, like ouch! You should really post more...I'll always read them just to see more of Danny's adventures. If you hadn't noticed, I get hooked pretty easily on any good storyline. But one thing...if they're in a forest...

"I'll tell you nothing," he said spitefully. The sergeant glared at him for a moment, then raised his fist and struck Danny in his head. The world exploded in pain, and Danny crumpled to the floor, unconcious.


Wouldn't Danny crumple to the ground? Or is there a building out there? Other than that, I thought it quite interesting.




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Number one: you seem to be an awesome story teller and a great story-weaver. But you don't do much on the detail, now do you? Try doing more detail. I only began this, but I love your 'voice', if you will. I hope to finnish this soon... too tired to now.
But keep writing!
Cheers!
--Vox(ina)




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Thank for the reviews everyone!



It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
— Mark Twain