Play the Piano

Hey there! This one is about how I feel when I play the piano.
I wrote this because I wanted to. Reviews are welcome, I don't mind if they are harsh, since I'll take the advice, but not give it much thought because I have this thing in my life, that makes me carry on and I couldn't be happier!


I stand my horrible routine,
to get home and play.
Play, play, play!
Touching the keys gently,
the calming sound fills the air.
It's not a burden,
It's not something I have to bear
It releases me!
The only thing in my life
That's worth being here for
I love it
more and more everyday.
I ask God:
"Please, never take it away"
I smile as I stand in my room and
I look at the black piano,
Early loss of depression fills me.
The music begins, soft...
Racing my mind, something
reach my heart.
Without this feeling,
I would break apart.

Hello to you too! I'm ktw and I'll be reviewing this poem...even if you don't pay much attention to it

*writewatiwant* wrote:Hey there! This one is about how I feel when I play the piano.
I wrote this because I wanted to. Reviews are welcome, I don't mind if they are harsh, since I'll take the advice, but not give it much thought because I have this thing in my life, that makes me carry on and I couldn't be happier!


I stand my horrible routine,
to get home and play.
Play, play, play!
Touching the keys gently,
the calming sound fills the air.
It's not a burden,
It's not something I have to bare. Should be 'bear'.
It releases me!
The only thing in my life
That's worth for being here. Do you mean 'that's worth being here for'? It doesn't make sense like you have it here.
I love it, Ditch the comma.
more and more everyday.
To God I pray:
"Please, never take it away" Did you mean to go into rhyming overload here? (Day/Pray/Away.) It doesn't work, since the rest of your poem is not rhyming.
I smile, as I stand in my room. Ditch the comma. Also, if you wanted, you could go with something like, 'I smile as I stand in my room and/I look at the...' to make it a little less choppy. Just a thought. But whatever
I look at the black piano,
Early loss of depression fills me. Loss of depression...so you 'lost' depression? Strange wording, since a loss implies sadness, and (I assume) getting rid of depression wouldn't sadden you. But I do get what you are saying, like Piano makes me happy! or something.
The music begins, soft...
I feel something run through my veins, Blood, perhaps?
reaching my heart.
Without this feeling,
I would break apart.Again, the rhyming (heart/apart)...either keep it consistent or get rid of it.

Sorry for all the suggestions =/ I'm only harsh to people who's work is good, so don't be offended or anything. I did enjoy this poem; I think you captured the feeling very well. And of course you are the writer, and you can completely ignore my suggestions if you want, but I do think they would help. PM me if you need any more help.

Hello fellow piano player!

I can see what you mean by this poem. You hate it and you love it at the same time. We get that. Now, take it to the next level. Be over dramatic. There is nothing bad about a little drama in poetry. Lengthen the part where you say you hate it, and add some emo goodness.

When you transition to the part where you are in love with piano, is that where you are actually playing it? You should add in that you are. When you are talking about how you love piano, make it girly and full of love. Sugary sweetness.

Also, your rhyming scheme is off. If you are going to rhyme, then be consistent. If not, then just drop the rhyme.

The words you are using are pretty good, but add some spice. More vocabulary and more sophisticated words. That will make readers want to listen to you.


Pm me if you have any questions about poetry!


*Princess*

This is a great start! Aren't pianos lovely?

I won't have too much advice because there is one thing I can highlight more than anything else. You love the piano, right? And you wanted to right about how it makes you feel, didn't you? Well, there you go! That's your topic. There was one small thing you didn't do, however. You didn't make me feel it! Yes! It's very important to include the reader in poetry. You want to make me feel what you feel, and love the piano like you do. (Or at least know what it's like to love a piano!)

Instead of saying, "I love it so much! I never want it to go away!" Try to write more about how it does make you feel, how it releases your stress. In poetical terms, of course. Don't just make it a grocery list of statements regarding your piano; use imagery to bring it to life!