Ever Since

Ever Since

Ever since the day,
I wished you away,
I’ve wondered how could I live with myself,

How could I cope,
When part of me knows that I’m not even sorry?

Ever since you left me here,
I wake up everyday in fear,
As if it were my last,

Because the pain’s so real,
So vast…

And I walk now,
With fake smiles on my face,
Disappearing without a trace,

Because without your guidance,
I’m lost.

And now I stare,
Into my reflection,
Only to see the pale complexion,

Of a monster,

My fear,

Knowing that everyday,

It’ll be here.

2008 Vincent Cuccolo

I don't know anyone else hasn't commented on this, so I will=]

it was good....really good...so I guess that answers my question

keep it up=]
~guitargrl~

Wow, that was so sad.

You are very good at this. It made me feel the pain you were going through. congrats!

2008 Vincent Cuccolo

Is that your signature?









ClimberSquirrel

Wow, that was so sad.

You are very good at this. It made me feel the pain you were going through. Congrats!

2008 Vincent Cuccolo

Is that your signature? It's interesting.




I like how you made fear into a monster. although, what do you have to fear? That question is plaguing me...



ClimberSquirrel

Thanks for commenting.

To answer your question, what I'm "fearing" is myself. To explain, I blame myself for my Dad's death. You see, he was an alcoholic, and he was suffering so much, and on the night of his death, I wished him away in order to end his suffering. And when I got the news of his passing, it hit me like a bullet to the heart...

Therefore, in ''Ever Since", I portray myself as this "monster", and the very fact that I have to life with myself from what I've done is what I fear.

-PG

This is pretty solid for the intended purpose. Really I can't find anything more to say about it, aside from a very well written piece with a lot of thought put into it.

Thanks

Stuff like this is where I can pour all my heart into.

That was great, it was full of depth and feeling. You really put your thoughts into words well.
Keep writing man

Hi there,

For a relatively new writer, the confidence with which you put your feelings on the page is admirable. The few words you use encapsulate express so much, which can be both a good and a bad thing. Because emotion is abstract, I often like to link it to something tangible, something I can taste, smell, feel. In other words, the outside becomes a physical manifestation of the inside. In your case, perhaps you could compare your grief to the air, as a very simple example:

"Without you to guide me,
only the empty winter air guides
a cold silence from within."

In fact, you could even turn this idea of "outside = inside" into an extended metaphor and perhaps use it as the basis of a new poem!

Good luck! Well done!

Gahks



7/10

Well indeed this piece of work has a lot of feelings in it. I like your style of writing and considering the fact that it actually rhymes its amazing. Although i have some confusion, I dont get the part when you say that you aren't really sorry. I mean this poem says otherwise.

Gahks- I never really thought of it that way! I really like your suggestions! I'll be sure to keep that in mind for future poems! Thank you.

Hassan- To answer your question to why I'm not "sorry" is simply because I'm not, well in a sense. What I'm trying to say that if my death wish to my Father really came true, than his suffering ended, which I wouldn't be sorry for because he's in a better place. But, at the same time, I feel guilty and responsible for his death. In other words, I'm in between when I say I'm not "sorry."

I see you're fairly new to YWS, welcome, if you have any questions or anything, feel free to PM me. I may not be a literary genious, but i am pretty friendly and supportive

this poem really moved me, the topic mainly but also the way that the words are just bursting with emotion. I always find that the best poems are honest and truthful, and i assume that this poem is of your real-life?

I recently lost enthusiasm for writing poetry, and thought to myself who am i writing it for? myself, my audience- well, actually... who even is my audience? i thought like that for quite along time, mainly because i tried too hard to write poetry. I wrote stories in my poems, always inventing a character to write about but just recently i wrote for myself about real-life things and it's been the best stuff i've ever written, and i think that's because it's all true.

This is what i adored about yours so much, it's as if the words have just fallen out of your mind & memories onto the page into words and that's what makes it so real, so believable and so fantastic.

you're an inspiration.




H.C
x

helenelizabethclarke- Your feedback to my poem was brilliant. I couldn't agree more when you say that real-life situations are the best things you can right about. That's my mission: To write poetic chapters of my life, based on my perspective of things. I truly believe that everyone who holds writing close to their hearts should always tap into their real-life situations, because beautiful things can manifest from them.

And it warms my heart to know that I'm an inspiration to you. I will truly keep your words close.

Thank you,

-PG

Of a monster,

My fear,

Knowing that everyday,

It’ll be here.

Wow. This evoked so much emotion in me-its rather unfortunate that you blame yourself
for your father's passing, which we all know is an unrealistic burden to thrust upon
yourself. But besides that, exellent poem-at first I was worried because of the simple language,
but in the end that made the poem an excellent piece. Also, the structure of your poem was
remarkable-I envy your organization skills! Awesome job =)

Hi Poetic Glow,

I must say that I enjoyed reading this very much. It sad, but not in a too heavy way.

Coping with emotions through poetry is always good, you can canalize whatever it is you're feeling at the moment and share it with other people. In Germany they say: "Shared joy is doubled joy and shared grief is half grief."

I do have one or two suggestions/ things you may want to rethink:

1) Punctuation: Just by looking at your poem I noticed you have rather many commas and only two full stops. The full stops are very effective and the commas are grammatically correct and all, but I find them rather annoying for the simple reason that almost after every single line there's a comma. I'd just ask you to look at that again and see whether the punctuation is really doing what you want. Maybe you could let someone who hasn't seen it before read it or something like that. Might just be me though.

2)

And I walk now,
With fake smiles on my face,
Disappearing without a trace,

I'd suggest using "a fake smile" instead of the plural. You really can only have one fake smile on your face at a time.

Also it's not quite clear to me what's disappearing without a trace. The fake smiles? Then it wouldn't even make sense to make the effort of a fake smile. That line kind of comes out of nowhere to me. Maybe you can specify it a little more.


I really liked how you ended the poem. In its entirety it's very straightforward, but it still works, because it conveys the emotion well.

Nicely done!

All the best,
~Kalliope