On Failure

On Failure

Sweet morphine of putrid sulphur
Desecrating, educating,
and, with time, settling.

Latching. Anchoring and sailing
without movement. Ferries come
and go but to no avail-

I'll not set sail. Merely
Float in a boat without
oars. Offers, of course,

Cut ice on indoor weekends;
Loved ones, friends,
bitter ends.

Who am I to abandon ship?
I'll cruise, bruise and
go down with it.

I am going to find it very hard to give you a good review, because while this poem was good, it spoke to me in such a way that I can not easily express.
more so,

"who am I to abandon ship?"

that line has much meaning, so much value, it is a very realistic statement, the statement of someone resigned to their fate, loyal to their cause. something to that effect.
I can see teh water in the poem, adrift on a boat,
death, life, love,

an end to all things,
and loyalty to something... someone maybe?

Or perhaps I have misread it entirely, and It is just a casual poem, I won't pretend to know.

Peace

Hey there! As the previous critiquer mentioned, you have a good poem here but ah, there's always room for improvement, yes? Here's a little advice and a few general comments from one poet to another:

On Failure

[Few points for your title I'm afraid. I'll admit I get lazy sometimes when naming my pieces but a good title is essential for the purposes of advertising your writing. The only reason I'm here now is because I'm the sort of girl who looks for pieces with fewer critiques and tries to spread the help around. So think of something unique that's going to catch the reader's eye. Don't be afraid to make it slightly vague so long as it's relevant and fitting.]

Sweet morphine of putrid sulphur [You've got a good contrast here and it's a lovely first line.]
Desecrating, educating, [I'd suggest no comma after educating.]
and, with time, settling.

Latching. Anchoring and sailing
without movement. Ferries come
and go but to no avail-

[I think a pause before but would be effective.]

I'll not set sail. Merely
Float in a boat without [Any reason for capitalising float? It seems a little pointless?]
oars. Offers, of course,

Cut ice on indoor weekends;
Loved ones, friends,
bitter ends.

[Again some irregular capitalisation. I like it for Loved ones but I'm not sure that it serves any purpose with Cut.]

You write well and in an interesting style, there's a rather intriguing persona hidden behind your words but I'd love to see more imagery. I'd like to see you delve a little more deeply into the visuals of the 'ship' metaphor because at the moment, it's a rather interesting piece but little is known about the persona and it's therefore hard to relate to him or her. The piece entertains and if that was your sole purpose, good work. But I think this poem could be so much more, I think you could really make your reader feel for the persona if you spent a little time filling in the blanks.

It's not a highly memorable poem. It's a clever set up that stays in the reader's mind for a moment but it's not one of those lasting, highly impacting poems. And normally I wouldn't push a person in that direction because this is good but I think you could do better.

What I'm trying to say (and not doing a very good job at) is that a lot of this poem is telling which gives a distant, slightly withdrawn feel. Instead, you could show this scene and make your reader visualise the metaphor to its full extent, transferring the theme of failure which is normally quite insubstantial into a scene, a situation.

I hope this helps a little and maybe gives you a few things to think about for your future work. Pm me if you have any questions and I look forward to reading more by you, I'll probably check out your portfolio at some time.

Thanks for the read,

Heather xx