Lady In Waiting - Prologue

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So this was my attempt at NaNo this year. I totally failed, but decided to put up what I do have to see if it's worth fixing up and finishing. Um, yes, so be as mean as you want. After all, there is a 95.9 percent chance I will not finish this one. So, just a head's up. Hope you enjoy!

Prologue

I was seven, innocent, and naïve. I sat in my playroom playing a board game against myself when my nanny came in.

“Miss Irelyn, your father wants to see you in his parlor,” she said.

I looked up silently, wondering why I was being asked into his parlor. Normally he would just come into my playroom. And besides, I was rarely invited to his parlor. All the same, I followed my nanny down the stairs and to the front of the house where Daddy’s parlor was. I found him sitting in an armchair by a window. He looked up and grinned, motioning for me to come to him.

“Hello, Angel,” he said, pulling me onto his lap. “How are you today?”

“I’m fine, Daddy,” I answered, beaming.

“Good, good. Now… can you do me a favor, darling?”

“Sure, Daddy.”

I swung my feet which were dangling high above the floor and folded my hands in my lap, looking up into my dad’s face. His voice sounded cheery, as usual, but his electric blue eyes lacked their usual warmth. His smile didn’t light up his face. He had dark circles under his eyes, something I never saw unless he had been drinking the night before. That thought crossed through my mind before I shooed it away, remembering that Daddy had fallen asleep on the couch last night without any alcohol while I was playing the piano for him.

Daddy wrapped an arm around my waist and held me against him. I could hear his heart beating, and it was a comforting sound. My father was the only person I had then. I never knew my mother and my father had never really told me anything about her, except that she was a human.

“Daddy has to go to a battle and watch over it,” he said into my hair. “I have to make sure that we are winning.”

“So you’re going to be like a knight?” I asked excitedly, remembering the fairytales I loved so much.

Daddy laughed. “Yes, I suppose, a bit like a knight. But…”

I stopped grinning. When Daddy said “but,” it could never be a good thing.

“But I can’t bring you with me, do you understand, Angel?” he said softly.

I buried my face in his chest.

“So you’ll have to stay here without me for a few days, alright? Nanny will stay with you, and I will be back before you know it.” He patted the top of my head. “So can you be brave for me?”

I looked up into his eyes, resting my chin on his chest, and then squeezed his arm.

“I’ll be brave for you, Daddy.”

“Good. Now go back to your playroom and I’ll see you later,” he said.

I slid off his lap and walked to the door. Before I left, I could hear Nanny saying to Daddy, “And what if you don’t come back?” Daddy responded with a sigh and, “She’s a strong girl. She’ll be fine.”
Daddy left later that night, and I spent three days at the house alone with Nanny, Cook, and the butler, Cook’s son. On the fourth morning, the doorbell rang and I followed Cook’s son to the door. It was Adrian, my best friend.

“Well, hello, Adrian,” Cook’s son said. “What brings you here?”

“You guys have to get out of here!” Adrian exclaimed, pushing past Cook’s son and into the house. “The humans slipped away from the battle last night and are making their way here!”

Cook’s son, whose leg I was hiding shyly behind, tensed and demanded, “Are you serious? Who told you?”

“Mr. Egelmann told me! He told me to come tell you guys to get out!”

Nanny and Cook, who had come into the foyer from the kitchen, gasped and clung to each other.

“The humans?” Nanny frowned. “Well, start getting packed! We need to get out of here.”

“No, no time for packing,” Adrian said. “Mr. Egelmann said to go. Now.”

Nanny rolled her eyes and headed up the stairs anyway. Cook’s son told his mother he would get the car and put me and Adrian in it. Adrian and I followed Cook’s son out to the back and into the black car. Adrian looked out the window and saw on the horizon human troops headed straight for our town. He alerted Cook’s son.

“Mother!” Cook’s son called for his mother, urging her and Nanny to get out. However, only Cook
came out.

“She’s almost done packing,” Cook said.

“Did she get my toys?” I asked.

“No time for that!” Cook’s son said. “We have to go. She’ll have to catch up.”

“Wait, we can’t leave Nanny!”

“We have to. Look how close the humans are.”

Indeed, they were much closer than they were before. I looked to the house, willing Nanny to come out. However, Cook’s son stepped on the gas and we sped away. I started crying for Nanny, but Adrian held me and told me to stay quiet. But soon I saw the humans reach the house and in a matter of time, it fell.

Both Cook and I cried.


A while later, we had stopped somewhere and I was following Adrian around the town. I looked at him, contemplating the immense trust I had put into this little Italian boy. Yes, he was my best friend, but I had just put my life into his hands and that’s something I only did for Daddy.

Eventually, Adrian stopped in front of a big white building where a woman was waiting expectantly in the doorway.

“Adrian, where are we?” I asked.

“Irelyn, I am going to have to leave you here. Okay?” He held my shoulders and looked at me. “You’ll be safe here until I come get you, okay?”

“But… but Adrian-“

“Please. Will you be brave for me?”

I remembered Daddy saying something very similar. So I had no choice but to say, “Yes, I’ll be brave for you.”

Adrian smiled and put me into the hands of the kind-faced woman. I looked at him as he walked away, hands jammed into his pockets.

“You’ll be alright,” the woman said. “Everything will be fine.”




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 208
So this was my attempt at NaNo this year. I totally failed, but decided to put up what I do have to see if it's worth fixing up and finishing. Um, yes, so be as mean as you want. After all, there is a 95.9 percent chance I will not finish this one. So, just a head's up. Hope you enjoy![/i]

Don't worry I didn't pass NaNo either. Ah, why aren't you going to finish? Never mind, don't answer that.

Prologue

I will have comments, questions, and pointers for you.

I was seven, innocent, and naïve. I sat in my playroom playing a board game against myself when my nanny came in.
Thoughts:
The first sentence to me, was broad and open, but lots can be said about those few words. What can be said when she was seven and how is she naive?

Now the second sentence. Is this prologue told from a present tense to a past story?


“Miss Irelyn, your father wants to see you in his parlor,” she said.
Thoughts:
Is this story of yours directed to be in the past? Because I don't see people using parlor anymore. Just a thought...


“Hello, Angel,” he said, pulling me onto his lap. “How are you today?”
Thoughts:
Now this is getting confusing. Is this a historical-based story or not? Parlor ~ historical. Angel ~ Modern.

If her father was going to call her something special, he could call her sweet-pea. But this is your story...


I swung my feet which were dangling high above the floor and folded my hands in my lap, looking up into my dad’s face. His voice sounded cheery, as usual, but his electric blue eyes lacked their usual warmth. His smile didn’t light up his face. He had dark circles under his eyes, something I never saw unless he had been drinking the night before. That thought crossed through my mind before I shooed it away, remembering that Daddy had fallen asleep on the couch last night without any alcohol while I was playing the piano for him.
Thoughts:
This paragraph needs to be broken up into two or maybe three paragraphs. When she talks of alcohol, make that a new paragraph.


I never knew my mother and my father had never really told me anything about her, except that she was a human.
Thoughts:
What do you mean she's not human?



I slid off his lap and walked to the door. Before I left, I could hear Nanny saying to Daddy, “And what if you don’t come back?” Daddy responded with a sigh and, “She’s a strong girl."
Thoughts:
When some else is speaking it's another paragraph.


cammie4~
One question. If they are not humans then what are they? I'm only curious. Anyway, I would like to read more.

Good Job!

*Merry
Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

Ugh!! I really hate my name. >.<



I think I have thankfully avoided being quoted.
— Lavvie