.

.

But to no avail! For the floor farthest beneath me suddenly gives way and the entire Tower is reduced by one level, but it should be noted that this reduction was no ordinary falling. Instead, I am overwhelmed with the distinct impression that the first floor has not merely collapsed but rather descended - descended - into the ground.

Not enough of an impression is left upon the reader, here--it seems like a rather large occurrence, that this three story building is all at once reduced to two, and it seems to me that the narrator's monotone of narration doesn't fit his actions--he's moving frantically, but the tone of the narration doesn't fit that.

Once there, I seat myself in a chair looking across a filthy desk and at a small balding man with a mustache.

It almost sounds as though you have this backwards--you sit at a desk, across from a person--but that may be the intention.

I've already talked to you about this one-to-one, but I think the final line of dialog, as well as the line it relates to earlier in the story, works very well--however, the first line of dialog seems to get lost in the mass of text both before and after it. While it is the first line of dialog in the entire piece, I think that makes it all the more important to make it stand out from the rest.

Your writing style is (as always) long winded, but it works for the piece (as always) as a whole. Nicely done, Brad ^_^ Score one for the "weird/strange/horror fiction," as you put it. *stars*

--D

Hey, Brad.

This was pretty perfect in terms of the story. I struggled to find anything negative to comment on. I do have a nit-pick or two, though.

it would have been rendered useless once it arrived at one of the four, red-bricked sides of the building

no entranceways to allow penetration of the outer walls of the structure, which was solid brick on all four walls

You tell us that the building is brick twice in the same paragraph. You could get rid of one.

Each of the three enormous stories that stood above the ground level was vacant

I'm not sure here, but should "was" be "were"?

In order to get to the bad part of town, from the Red Tower, one necessarily had to intersect the worse part

The first comma is unnecessary.

while it never announced itself, it scarcely seemed it needed to.

The repetition of "it" jars.

He continues to reach out to the building, to grab at its barriers for what it cannot have,

Should the second "it" be "he"?

A little longer than a second separates each of the ticks, which tonight are growing louder, ringer harder,

"Ringer" should be "ringing," I think.

In fact, it appears to be a door only now revealed because its wall had fallen a way:

"A way" would be more suitable as "away," I think.

That's all I found. It was brilliant. The one thing I could comment on is that you rely on adverbs a little in a few sentences. They could be cut without much loss.

Thanks for the read. It was amazing.

-Mat

Heya, biznatch. I'm here, finally!

I'll say, from the outset, that I think this is way overwritten.

Some nights I [s]would[/s] try to imagine the most fantastic of creatures lurking just feet below me; others, like tonight, my mind was elsewhere, on that town at the northerly border [s]where my days washed in and out.[/s]

It flows much better without 'would', methinks. The whole my days washed in and out blah could be separated into its own sentence, if you truly desired to keep it, although why you would is beyond me.

The building itself stood three stories high in an otherwise featureless landscape. Although somewhat imposing on its own terms, it occupied only the most unobtrusive place within the grey emptiness of its surroundings, its presence serving as a mere accent upon a desolate horizon. From the window where I am standing, there appears no road that leads to the city,

what city? you painted a desolate, empty landscape in which the tower was the only "feature" and yet, suddenly, there is a city. Surely worthy of prior description, no? Perhaps, start off with describing the featureless landscape as being beyond the city, rather than the singular tower.

he locale - otherwise strange - was where the Teatro Grottesco had brought me; the troupe's auspices are, despite wont of explanation, still better left unsaid.

Teatro Grottesco? Troupe? This rather random introduction detracts from an already confusing setting. Where is the narrator? In the tower that supposedly has no access in or out?

To be precise, there was the bad part of town, and [s]then[/s] there was the worse part nearby.

no need for 'then', sentence works fine without it.

In order to get to the bad part of town, from the Red Tower, one [s]necessarily[/s] had to intersect the worse part; it seemed no path could circumvent it, and once inside the labyrinth of houses, it made no difference which direction one travelled

your sentences are too long and unwieldy as it is, but the odd redundant word can really throw it out of wack.

At intervals, whenever someone entered or exited through the front door of the club, one could actually see the steady rain and was allowed a brief glimpse of the darkness

urgh. See the above comment on unwieldy sentences. It's awkwardly phrased. Try:

'one could actually see the steady rain as well as a brief glimpse of darkness.'

Inside it was all amber light, tobacco smoke, and the sound of [s]the[/s] raindrops hitting the windows, [s]which were all painted black[/s]

Let's try a little rearranging game, shall we? 'Inside it was all amber light, tobacco smoke and the sound of raindrops hitting black-painted windows.'

ah, see, that's better. Streamline this piece!

I also liked to imagine that I was

This whole section - of which only the beginning is quoted - goes on a little too long. Possibilities such as those being imagined in that paragraph could go on forever and serve no purpose other than to display the writers inability to choose a fitting description. It's great that you have so many but really, it serves no purpose and only drags and already overly-long set up on. Five very long chapters as a set up is way too much. In short stories, even more than in novels or long pieces, a balance between description and action is essential.

It was on my way home this evening that I [s]had[/s] noticed its presence:

use of perfect past tense, stilts. Enough with the 'hads', 'coulds' and 'woulds.'

which tonight are growing louder, ringer harder, and almost shaking the walls that house them

revision: which tonight grow louder and ring harder, almost shaking the walls that house them.

But to no avail!

Random exclamation mark! Totally the wrong tone; didn't fit with the voice of the narrator or the actual situation - it has such an immature ring to it, it's jarring.

to whatever strange chamber might exist inside the large Tower.

now it might just be that a certain someone is distracting me on MSN, *cough* but I'm getting really confused. Doesn't he live inside the tower? How can he not know whats inside? If he's in the tower and the door is in there as well, how can it lead further within? It's confusing!

Also, beforehand, he was searching desperately below him, through the floorboards, as though he'd never seen anything below and yet, I'm fairly sure he is able to exit the tower via a cellar -- cellars are usually below ground, yes? Doesn't this mean that he would have traversed all the levels regularly?

Yet I am now more than ever before absolutely certain that the deeply reverberant voice [s]which continues to drone on and on and rattle the Tower in its foundations[/s] is directly below me and concealed behind this door.

and you continue to overwrite! Don't repeat yourself, we know what the voice is doing thank you very much.

Turning round once more, I see the floorboards wafting apart with nearly a meter spanning their disjunctions and I leap from my current one to the one by the window [s]and[/s] almost falling into the abyss below.

replace the last 'and' with a comma

The landscape has transformed in a way I find [s]it[/s] difficult to describe

and the city now appears as though it's been absorbed in a drop of water, its building trapped in a continual wave.

buildings

Once there, I seat myself in a chair looking across a filthy desk [s]and[/s] at a small balding man with a mustache

replace 'and' with a comma.

Once there, I stood breathless in front of its open [s]and[/s] black maw of a door

stop overusing 'and' - you place it awkwardly most times as well.

*

Okay, so aside from the overly long sentences and unusually extended opening and set-up, this had some great descriptive passages. My main problem with it has to do with the extended blocks of inactivity - description, no matter how good, drags after a while and with a piece as heavily experimental as this, that's not a good thing. It's hard enough to keep up with as it is.

I've read this story four times now, once when you asked me to initially - it was like 3am, and again in the morning following, when I woke up, both times I was dazed and confused and didn't understand what happened. The third and fourth times,,,well, I was being distracted...*cough* but I still don't understand, in its entirety, what occurred. Was that intentional?

I mean, I have a vague intimation but nothing more. In terms of atmosphere and themes, I think you did a really good job of consistently maintaining the dark, mystical tone -- aside from the odd detraction noted above with the random exclamatory bit. Other than that, I really can't say anything else. It was well written, poetic in its description, but a little confusing in terms of outright narration.

Cheers