Tedious to Bear: the daily struggles of a teenage Touretter

This is a very, uh, personal kind of poem. Completely true, and yes, another Tourette's poem. FYI: Th involuntary spasm-like actions called tics.
Hope you enjoy, but I'm really just writing this because I need to.

Tic. toc.
Tic. Toc.
Just as the clock
Upon the wall
Goes--Tic, Toc.

I too tic.
And nod.
But that doesn't take away the prick
Of pain in my temple,
For the tic of nodding
Is a tedious one to bear.

It is a mechanical sort of rhythm,
Like a robot is in my soul.
I dwell within my mind,
A decent place in the whole.

But when the tics come to call,
It feels like time has stalled.

It is no sin,
Nor any folly
For you to hear:
I don't fear it.
But please don't leer.

I can't help it
Any more than you can help
the urge to yawn.
And then do so.
So yawn.

A tic is like a yawn,
So tingly, so demanding,
Involuntary, no?

Yes.
Try not yawning.
You eventually will.
Even when I try to be still,
Silent and normal,
I don't succeed,
Because, eventually,
The urges I must heed.

Tis no folly, nor a sin,
To try to hide them within.
Yet it does not work too well,
For then I become an empty shell.

Controlled by tics,
Like the clock that tocs,
And, moving sporadically,
It never stops.

........
that was probably the best poem I could write to describe the tedious nature of life with Tourette's. Not every minute is it so wretched, but don't get me wrong, some people with TS experience the depicted scenario almost every waking second. I, fortunately, am not among those severe. I hope this helps you understand.
Cheers!
--Voxina
PS: I'm glad you read it, but even happier to have written it. Writing is my best form of therapy.
PPS: Feedback is welcomed.

Wow, this is really impressive. I can honestly say I have never heard an opinion from someone with Tourette's, just statistics. It's a very powerful piece, and I can't even think of anything to critique about it. I like how your beginning and ending both interlink, and one ties to the other. The rhetorical question a bit more than halfway through was good too, and it made a great link between the two stanzas. The only thing I would consider doing is linking your stanzas a bit more. They are all really good, but you could put them in nearly any order. That may be a good thing from your writing point of view - it could just be that I like different links, so to speak.

Other than that, nice job! I'm sorry that you have to live with an awful thing like Tourette's, and I think you displayed the emotion very well here.

I like this poem, how it tells of living with Tourette's through the imagery within the poem. It's a great way of showing something like this without preaching about it. I like the mechanical rhythm that flows throughout this piece, just like the clock you refer to.

Comments are in Bold.

Tic. toc.
Tic. Toc.
Just as the clock
Upon the wall
Goes:Tic, Toc.
I like this first stanza, how the rhythm of the clock gets into your poem. I think that a colon might work better for what you're saying in that stanza. Also, I think that this might be one of those poems that might work better without the capitalization at the start of every line. You might try writing it with capitalization at the usual points in punctuation and grammar. See, most of the lines on this poem are short, so the constant capitalization makes things a bit weird. Plus, without the capitalization you can pay better attention to the actual grammar of the piece as well as the flow of the poem.

I too tic.
And nod.
But that doesn't take away the prick
Of pain in my temple,
For the tic of nodding
Is a tedious one to bear.

It is a mechanical sort of rhythm,
Like a robot is in my soul.
I dwell within my mind,
A decent place in the whole.
I'd watch out for these bits of rhyming, as most people expect the poem to either rhyme or not. Either than that, I like this line because it brings the mechanics of the clock back to mind.

But when the tics come to call,
It feels like time has stalled.
I think that more could be added to this stanza. Most of these stanzas are 4 or more lines and the two lines are a bit sudden. Though, I do know that I like poems to have an order to them, but even still, I think that there's more to the story than those two lines. What happens when the tics come and time stalls? The answer to that question could also tie in the next stanza, this happens but it isn't a sin or a folly...

It is no sin,
Nor any folly
For you to hear:
I don't fear it,
But please don't leer.
I'm not sure about the punctuation in this one, or even some of the word choices. First, I feel like you chose the word 'hear' just to rhyme with leer, unless the tics manifest in the character saying something uncontrollably and that might be what you put in the stanza before. But, I think that word needs to be thought about, because with 'tics' most people think about uncontrollable movement and not speaking which would lead to people hearing. Finally, punctuation: I don't know if the colon is quite right for that ending punctuation. Because, you're going from talking about a second person, 'you,' hearing and then you go to the first person, 'I' not fearing it. So, I think that punctuation might just work as a period, bringing that Idea to a stop before beginning a new idea. Then, I think the ending punctuation to the next line needs to be a comma, as 'but' is a connecting word. Plus, that whole line fits into the rest of them, so they need to be connected. This is where cutting out the beginning caps would help, as grammar does become clearer when one cuts down on the formal formatting.

I can't help it
Any more than you can help
the urge to yawn.
And then do so,
[s]So[/s] yawn.
I like this metaphor, something to connect a person without Tourette's to an aspect of the syndrome(and I'm just guessing on the technical terms, sorry). I do think that the underlined word at the end of the second line might work better on the next line. It just stretches the line out too much and I think it also makes sense a like down. So, the next line would read: 'help the urge to yawn.' I thought you kind of broke the voice of the poem at the last line, it speaks too much to the reader in a direct way. I mean, the start of the poem is a sort of informing tone, but this sort of shouts at the reader. Plus, I really didn't like the repetition, as it is also part of that shouting tone. I think it works to have the two lines go, 'then do so, // yawn.' I'm also not exactly sure what you mean by 'And then do so,' because you were talking about not being able to help yawning, so it does kind of suggest that you are just yawning. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that there's no suggestion of fighting the urge to yawn, there's just yawning.

A tic is like a yawn,
So tingly, so demanding,
Involuntary, no?

[s]Yes.[/s]
Try not yawning;
You eventually will.
Even when I try to be still,
Silent and normal,
I don't succeed.
Because, eventually,
The urges I must heed.?
I don't think that you need the yes at the beginning of the stanza, unless you connect it to the next two lines. But, the question in the line above can be read as a rhetorical question, one that doesn't need an answer. Plus, this seems like something you do want the readers to connect on their own, or else let you next stanza stand in as the answer. I think that you need to connect the next two lines, even though I see that you mean that third line to be a strong line. The thing is that you switch topics just a line about that part and that makes this stanza seem short. So, a semicolon will connect the two lines together, yet still leave the second line strong. In what almost seems to contradict my earlier statement, I cut off the one line. That sentence, amongst all of the lines, was too full of commas and the ideas were getting to be hard to follow. All of the commas were making it into a run on sentence. I'm uncertain about the underlined word, because I can't quite tell if the repetition is too much or if it just connects it to the earlier idea. But, then, I really don't like how you worded the last line, the rhyming is too forceful, yet you don't even quite notice 'succeed.' You still notice how forced the last line is. I'll talk about the rhyming some more later on, but I'm still unsure about that one eventually. You might want to either rewrite those last two lines, or find another word for eventually.

Tis no folly, nor a sin,
To try to hide them within.
Yet it does not work too well,
For then I become an empty shell.
I do kind of agree with FountainousQuill, the stanzas could be linked a bit better. I also think that you could expand on some of these ideas. I'm not sure if the repetition of the first line really works or not, as the first one was in the middle of the poem and that wasn't so long ago. Plus, this whole line just seems to be rhymes and it doesn't have a story to it. I would like to hear more about the character being and empty shell when she tries to hide the tics. Plus, that kind of contradicts what you were saying earlier within the poem. I'd like to feel her confusion, instead of my own as a reader.

Controlled by tics,
Like the clock that tics and tocs,
And, moving sporadically,
It never stops.
Another short stanza and I think that it could use a bit of length. For most of the poem you had very long stanzas that fit the mood of the poem very well, but the last two stanzas have been off. I can kind of tell that you were beginning to get tired of writing this poem, because it reminds me of writing essays, the first 4 paragraphs are great, long paragraphs, and the conclusion is just 3 sentences long. So, I think that the stanza before this last one needs some work, as well as this one. I get that you need an ending for this one, but I would like the ending to fit in with the rest of the poem.

Overall: I like this poem, even if I made a lot of comments against it. There's just one thing: the rhyming! Your rhyming is just so inconsistent and it really drags the poem down. As I've mentioned earlier, people expect a poem to either rhyme or not and the reason I said that earlier was that your poem didn't rhyme in the beginning. So, I think that you either need to fix up the beginning to rhyme, or cut out the rhyming in the rest of the poem. Although, alternating could be cool, but it would get you a lot of confused comments. Another thing is a more specific inconsistency: the different styles of rhyming. Most poems pick one style of rhyming(ABAB, ABCB, ABCDEFD, and so on.) and you just seem to go all over the place. Honestly, the rhyming isn't very good in this piece and I think it would work better without the rhyming.

Okay, that being said, this is a great poem. I love the imagery to it and how it gets the message across with a bit of personal emotion. There is a message for people without Tourette's, but there's also the emotion you feel while having the syndrome. The poem just needs a little more work in order for both of those messages to shine through.

Good luck with your poetry!

- Tatra