Poisoned Razor Blades

AUTHOR'S NOTE*** Lordgluzman and myself wrote this together***


You have poisoned the wretched blood in my veins,
My wrists aren't the only things that are stained.
The blood won't come out fast enough for me,
I'm cutting away our history.

I loved, I cared, I thought of you my dear ,
But us getting to the final end is near.
I treated you like a soft cute toy,
But you treated my like a brute that you would destroy.

Crushed razors on my bed,
I can no longer take the images in my head.
I’m not the only one who likes the pain,
Therefore there is no reason to call me insane.

Now of the truth I have spoken,
But what I see stabbing hearts is your token.
You think you got it all,
You think you can make me beg and crawl.
But I shall stand tall.

Shattered blades on the floor,
It’s not like it’s never been done before.
Don’t worry this is not the end,
My many wounds, they will mend.

Be ready when the blooded scars and wounds will mend,
I will make sure that all your bones of emotion will bend.
Ow and don't worry,
It's not the end of your sad life story.
Even when I will do that I still recommend you to hurry!

Running won't do your soul any good.
I'm watching you from the corners of you tiny existence.
Your eyes will bleed form your true form,
I will take down your defences.

It won't be hard,
My bloody razor blade shard,
Might kill me before it kills you.
So you can see what you've driven me to.

Wow so cool, Its really hits me. It reminds me of someone *looks around the room pretending its not her*

Brilliant keep up the good work friend.

We really do good as team!!! I think we should this more.

Nice. Good work You two.

Ahem now to work.

You have poisoned the wretched blood in my veins,
My wrists aren't the only thing that is stained.
The blood won't come out fast enough for me,
I'm Hacking away our history.

Write it like this:

You have poisoned the wretched blood in my veins,
My wrists aren't the only things that are stained.
The blood won't come out fast enough for me,
I'm hacking away our history.


You could use the word cutting instead of hacking.

I loved, I cared, I thought of you my dear
But us getting to the final end is near
I treated you like a soft cute toy
But you treated my like a brute that you would destroy

Oh My God... Where are the punctuations?!

I loved, I cared, I thought of you my dear
But us getting to the final end is near
I treated you like a soft cute toy (not sure if that is such a good thing. Think of something that sounds nicer.)
But you treated my like a brute that you wanted to destroy

Crushed razors on my bed
I can no longer take the images in my head
I’m not the only one who likes the pain
Therefore there is no reason to call me insane

PUNCTUATION!!!

This part doesn't make too much sense...

"I can't take the images in my head... I'm not the only one who likes pain."

If he can't take the pain of the images how can he take the pain of the razors... Or are the razors his escape of this other pain?

Okay, one more thing for the whole song: REMEMBER YOUR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
RAARGH! Or I will eat your heads.

*heheheh*

tempting, but I will fix the punctuation!

I really like this poem, it is very neat and full of that fun suicidal emotion. But the meter drove me a little crazy, there were a few points in the poem where the lines didn't flow as well as it could but that was my only problem. So two thumbs up. : )

shit!!!!!!!!!!!!teamwork is better the the original crap---------------just team up withthis guy and your poems will be better but ot your stories because those are already good

Thanks guys!!!!

I think that we make a good team!

Thank you too

Writing for love is a pas wrote:AUTHOR'S NOTE*** Lordgluzman and myself wrote this together***


You have poisoned the wretched blood in my veins,
My wrists aren't the only things that are stained.
The blood won't come out fast enough for me,
I'm cutting away our history.

I loved, I cared, I thought of you my dear ,
But us getting to the final end is near.
I treated you like a soft cute toy,
But you treated my like a brute that you would destroy.

Crushed razors on my bed,
I can no longer take the images in my head.
I’m not the only one who likes the pain,
Therefore there is no reason to call me insane.

Now of the truth I have spoken,
But what I see stabbing hearts is your token.
You think you got it all,
You think you can make me beg and crawl.
But I shall stand tall.

Shattered blades on the floor,
It’s not like it’s never been done before.
Don’t worry this is not the end,
My many wounds, they will mend.

Be ready when the blooded scars and wounds will mend,
I will make sure that all your bones of emotion will bend.
Ow and don't worry,
It's not the end of your sad life story.
Even when I will do that I still recommend you to hurry!

Running won't do your soul any good.
I'm watching you from the corners of you tiny existence.
Your eyes will bleed form your true form,
I will take down your defences.

It won't be hard,
My bloody razor blade shard,
Might kill me before it kills you.
So you can see what you've driven me to.

Wow!! This is amazing. The way you guys pieced this togeather is...well i dont know how to explain it.