Nameless as of yet...

I'm going to do some repeating, too.

Fun stuff! I know you were writing freely-sometimes that's how the best story starters happen (*cough* I do that a lot). I'm getting a feel for basis in characters in your story already. Not fully developed, but there. I'm glad you've now got an outline of plot, and hopefully starting to develope more of the characters. I can't wait to read more!

There are some common punctuation errors with dialogue. Just remember that in a sentence, it ends in a comma unless it is a question or exclamation, and that the person speaking, unless a pronoun, doesn't need to be capitolized. (sorry, rough explanation. I'm not into grammar)
("Hi!" I said.
"Hi," I said.
"Hi?" he repeated.
"Hey," she said, "you're coming up with uninteresting examples."
"Aye," I said, and nodded humbly.)
It's just good to know these things. People beat me to that. Ah well.

Let's see...I'm assuming you are combining the different characters into a single (developing-heh ) plotline, or have them interact in some way. So no problems yet with that.

Um...I would suggest you not get too much into editing until you've written several drafts. I don't know. When you're rough-drafting, don't worry too much about grammar because it blocks the flow of the writing. Get the story down, maybe revise some things as you're defining the plotline, and then you edit, and edit, and edit. Keep in mind the dialogue punctuation, but don't worry too much about it while you're writing. Yes, when you post on here you should probably proof-read (for our benefit), but don't let it get in the way of your creativity....Oh wow. I'm just rambling. Sorry. It's late. :-#

Thanks erethror! I like free-writing as a sort of draft as well!

Will hopefully have finished first draft of chapter one and prologue by tomorrow so I should be able to post it sat evening (gmt). I've almost finished chapter one already but I won't be finished by tonight and my prologue is almost non-existant but I don't want it to be too long and I've got a general idea of what happens so it shouldn't take too long to draft it!

Some parts have been kept almost exactly the same (copy-and-paste-job!), some things have been added and some have been taken away. I liked the parts with Orpheus so they're still the same.

Anyway will post soon.

Thanks everyone who's posted!!!

Thanks J. You must have posted at the same time as I did!

Anyway, I am now posting chapter 1 (though not quite finished)

Haven't sorted prologue so not posting it yet. It's basically just Ren and the General and I want it to be longer (and better!) than the previous examples...

[EDIT: it looks shorter now that it's not on word!!! ]

Chapter I

Heads turned at the unusually well-dressed man who walked into the tavern that night. Lace trimming at the end of his perfectly white sleeves, leather boots reaching to his knee; he was truly a sight to behold. Here of all places. Folk did not stare too long. In a place like this, men were more interested in their drink.
He walked to the nearest table and sat, peering at the spillages before him with a disdainful sniff. A piece of silk cloth appeared from within the pockets of his long, red jacket, which he used to mop up the brown sticky liquid before allowing himself to rest his arm.
“Anythin’ to drink, sir?” A small curtsey accompanied the question, the serving girl clearly unused to such company.
“Fruit wine, if you have any.”
“Sir, I’m afraid…”
“Ale then.” He interrupted with a wave of his hand, and the girl ran off with an embarrassed look on her face.
He turned his attention instead to a sudden burst of song. Standing upon a crude wooden stage at the back of the room, a dark-haired woman, her singing accompanied by a stringed instrument she held in her arms. She wore a simple skirt and blouse, a brightly coloured shawl wrapped around her waist. Feathers and beads were braided into her hair, which seemed to swing slightly as she sang.
He smiled as the song swept over him, delved into the folds of his jacket and brought out a folded piece of parchment, a quill and a small bottle of ink. He paused for a moment, then started to write. Slanted, curving letters appeared, flowing into each other. Finally the parchment was closed, waiting to be sealed. A drop of wax fell from the candle on his table, and was marked from the ring on his finger.
The song ended, and the woman slung the instrument onto her back. She picked up a small, wooden drum which she arranged under one arm. A chant this time, which the man now noticed was in a foreign language. Equally enchanting, an almost mysterious song which seemed to stir all in the room.
The serving girl returned, and placed two iron tankards on the table. A soft, manicured hand touched her arm.
“The bard. Where is she staying?”
“Why here, sir.” She responded with a nervous smile.
“Take this.” He pushed the parchment into her hands. “It is most important she receives it.”
“Yes sir.” As she left, he knew she would do as she said.
There was no more reason to stay. He waited for the end of the song, then stood slowly and walked out the way he came in, barely a glance behind him.

* * * * *

With the tavern almost empty, the bard packed away her instruments and joined the barkeep and the rest of the staff for a late-evening meal. A large bowl of steaming soup was already laid out for her, complete with a few pieces of bread and a tankard of ale.
“I’m not sure I deserve all of this, sir.” She smiled warmly.
“Now don’t you worry about it.” He replied. “We wouldn’t get half our customers without you here.”
Again she smiled, before picking up a piece of bread and half-submerging it in herb and onion soup. She drank deeply from the bowl, feeling the warmth travel down her throat. She looked up to find one of the serving girls watching her.
“Uh, Mistress Lirenna.” The girl looked down at the floor and produced a piece of parchment, which she held out in front of her.
“This is for me?” She nodded as answer.
Wonderingly, Lirenna turned the parchment over. The wax seal the only clue as to whence it came, but this seemed enough. She stared at it for a moment, but left it closed.
“If you will excuse me…”
“Of course. I’ll have one of the girls bring your meal up for you.”
No thanks were given. The woman was much too concerned about the letter she held, and much too eager to be able to read in private.

* * * * *

A young man leaned on the gate to the port, touched his cap when he saw the man walking towards him.
“Evenin’ Sir. Anythin’ I can do for ya?”
“A boat. You have one free?”
“Aye.” He gave a small nod. “Just for tonight, mind. Be setting off tomorrow.”
“How much?”
The lad peered at him through the darkness, looked him up and down. The white lace at the man’s sleeves and the gold chain around his neck were easily seen, even at night.
“Five gold. No less.”
“Two gold coins. And you’ll have no trouble.”
The lad shifted uneasily. “Alrigh’. Two gold.” He pocketed his earnings for the night, already making plans of how to spend it.
“Where are you bound?”
“East to th’ castle, then north to Seaton.” He fingered the heavy coins with one hand. “Be leavin’ tomorrow.” He added, almost as an afterthought.
“I shall be accompanying you. To the castle.”
“We don’ take passengers.”
“Two gold coins. One for myself, one for my companion.”
“Where?” The lad asked, then wished he hadn’t.
The man looked at him for a second, but ignored the question, choosing instead to peer down the line of boats moored at the jetty. The lad gave a start, and opened the gate quickly. Without rushing, the man walked down the jetty. His dark boots sounded with every step, as he followed the lad down to the boat furthest away. Crates and barrels had been loaded onto the deck.
The young lad turned to the taller man. “What were the name?”
“Orpheus. From the Kingdom.”
“Daniel.” He grinned. “From th’ sea.”

* * * * *

It had started to rain long before Lirenna ventured outside. Her shawl wrapped tightly around her head and shoulders, she strode purposefully towards the line of ships moored at the seawall. Salt spray leapt up at her and wrapped itself around her ankles.
Reaching out to the first ship, she wiped away a sliver of some sort of plant-life, possibly seaweed. She read the placard underneath, shook her head and walked on. Eventually, she reached a large cargo ship, wooden crates and barrels easily seen on the deck, despite the rain. Realising nobody was about to leave the warmth and shelter of the decks below, she hitched up her skirts and started to climb the wooden gate. Halfway, she stopped, suddenly aware of a presence approaching.
“Hey whadd’ya doing?!” A voice called from above, and soon enough, a man was standing by the gate, having just ran across from the deck.
“Good evening, Sir.” Rain running down her face, she somehow managed to keep her calm. “Might I have passage on this fine vessel?”
The man eyed her suspiciously. “You wi’ a man? Fancy red coat on him.”
“He would have been wearing one of these.” She informed him and took a silver chain from around her neck.
“Aye, that’s him. Ye’re already paid for.”
There was a short silence, save for the pounding of rain upon the wooden jetty.
“Sir. Might I… Uh, could you…”
“Tha want down off tha’ gate, do thee?”
Lirenna nodded, apologetically, and the man lifted her up and off the gate. She couldn’t help thinking fondly of her father. He too a sailor, had looked so similar, at least from what she could remember of him.
“Hang on, now. I’ll send tha to a cabin. Ye’re wet through!” Lirenna smiled warmly as he turned and shouted up to a figure watching them from above. “Daniel! We’ve tha’ passenger ye’d said!”
It wasn’t long before she had followed Daniel onto the ship, and into a small, wooden hatch leading into a long hallway.
“Ye wi’ tha’ man? Or do ye want tha own room?”
She stared blankly at him for a second, unused to his unusually strong accent.
“Oh. No, I’m not with him. If I could have my own room?” Daniel nodded. “And I won’t see him yet. Not unless I’m called.”
“Alrigh’. Free room at the end, on th’ righ’.” He turned to leave, and then stopped. “I’ll bring ye some cloth.”
Lirenna smiled, and by the light of the lantern she had been given, found her way to the end room. The door creaked a little as she pushed it open. Not unusually large but by no means small, this was obviously used as a store-room for the most part. There was a wooden bed to the right of the door; the sheets thrown on as though in a hurry. A thick, woollen rug covered the small section of floor she could see, the rest hiding beneath crates and boxes. She placed the lantern upon one of these and laughed at the shadows that danced around the walls.
She couldn’t help but wonder: why had she been called here? Not quite what she had expected, not that she wasn’t used to places such as this. For her age, she was widely travelled, and not being particularly wealthy, had often had to sleep in barns or curled up in the undergrowth.
Luckily for her, most inns and taverns were willing to provide a bed and a hot meal in exchange for a few songs and some stories for the other customers. There was nothing like a bard for good advertising. She hoped it would stay that way. She didn’t want to be out of a job too soon. Survival was one of her many talents, but she much preferred not to have to worry about where her next meal was coming from.
There was a knock on the door, and it creaked open. Daniel walked in with a wooden pail and a basket covered in a checked blue and red cloth.
“Have tha eaten?” he asked and Lirenna shook her head. After she had read the letter, her mind had strayed and she had forgotten the soup. It was likely still standing on the table in her room, getting cold. She only realized how hungry she was now that she had food laid out in front of her.
“Thank you. Really, you didn’t have to…”
She was cut short. “Now don’ worry.” Daniel grinned. “I was well-paid. This cloth, ye can use for washing an’ this too.” He touched the bucket lightly with his foot and Lirenna saw it was full of water. “We don’ have any lady clothes but ye can have this old shirt.”
“Is it…”
“Clean? Aye, that it is.”
Lirenna smiled. “Is it yours?”
“Ah. Aye. Though it don’ fit so well now, miss.”
“Well, thank you. That’s very kind of you.”
Cheeks pink, Daniel made his way towards the door. “So you know, miss, he says he wants talk in the morning.”
Lirenna nodded. “Good night, Daniel.”
“G’night, miss.” The door clicked shut as it was pulled to.
Lirenna forbade herself to start thinking again. Instead she concentrated on washing before the water became any colder. She scrubbed at her face with tepid water, and the cloth she had been given. She squeezed the water from her hair into the bucket, and using a comb she kept in her shawls, she tugged at her curls. Finally satisfied, she changed into the shirt she had been given, and buried herself under the sheets.
Why had she come here, she asked herself. What was it that drove her to make such rash decisions? She knew little about the Kingdom, and even less about the Lord she had been asked to meet. And perform for. Perhaps that was it. A performance in the Kingdom would be one way of earning herself some money. Meet some new people.
Then again, she might humiliate herself in front of every Lord and Lady in the Kingdom. Disgraced, she would never be able to show her face in any inn or tavern afterward.
Shaking away the thought, she reached across and took some dried fruit that Daniel had left on the side. What would this man look like, she wondered. She didn’t remember seeing anyone unusual recently. But then, she never did like to pay too much attention to the people of this quarter. Most of them thieves and trouble-makers.
She sighed, and blew out the candle, mentally preparing herself for the day ahead of her.

Bad? Bad? What folly, I say!

This I've gotta crit. Prepare yourself for the deluge! (Lol, but you've gotta give me a few days.)

Ah, so you did read it...

But, lol, I still owe you a crit for the Chair...

Glad you liked it though.

Mmmmm...that was good! I thoroughly enjoyed the entire thing. The pace was a bit quick, but it seemed to flow nicely so it didn't bother me. I'm not going to do any grammar stuff because it seems like most people have taken care of it so...I will just list some points I'd like to make!

#1-The pace was possibly too quick? Make sure not to write the whole story this way or we won't get a real feel for the characters and the world because you switch so often. I don't believe you're going to, I have a feeling that somehow the characters in these scenes are going to connect, but its just a reminder, and I did like it, was refreshing and kept me hooked

#2-I didn't like this...

A piece of silk cloth appeared from within the pockets of his long, red jacket, which he used to mop up the brown sticky liquid before allowing himself to rest his arm.

The guy sounds like he's pretty proper, I mean you said he sniffed disdainfully. Sounds a bit upscale, would he really dirty his nice silk and wipe up this nasty looking sticky crap with it? But thats just my opinion.

#3-It didn't seem like you knew your characters that well in the military fight scene for me. I got more of a feel for the guy in the tavern than them. Make sure that you help us get to know them, even though it is fast-paced.

#4-Overall, I liked it a lot! Good piece, lots of potential! Kept me hooked

Keep up the great work!

-Aero