The Earthworm Farmer #1

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[hillcrest orchard]

he thinks that he is a man, even now
but he doesn't even have hair on his upper lip yet
there is only cactus stubble and wishes.

he wears his pants baggy, held up by a roosterswagger
and his hand around his beltbuckle.
he has a blue paisley bandanna hanging from his back pocket

and a crucifix is around his neck,
silver as grass underfoot in the full moonlight.
it hangs there against his wifebeater.

his fingers have been uprooted; it is sad.
we grow them in orchardsoil, you know.
they reach up from the ground, through the dirt

like worms during a rainstorm.
we know the body of a pear.
we know the shapes, the curves

and these homegrown fingers are bred
to pick them (pull up and then towards yourself
so you don't damage the stem).

look into our eyes and you will see that they are merely pearblossoms.
we stand here colt-legged on picking ladders
and we watch the sun plow furrows of streetlight at dusk.

but.
he thinks that he is too much of a man
to wear those harness baskets and fill them with fruit.

i seen him.
i seen him with his hair greased back and a cigarette between his lips
sitting in an old Cadillac the color of prayer candles.

he must not remember how we carried him
across a line drawn in the dust with a stick,
our feet as flat as flyswatters and our hands as rough as calico.

he must not remember the Tejano music
or the smell of grandpapa's burro skin, sweet with pipesmoke
or how his sister's eyes are like dried up apples at the base of the tree

now that he is not around anymore.
but our fingers, they keep working alright without him:
dusty with pesticides, dusty with sweatsalt.

and even now, he thinks he is a man.
i can read it on his face
as he lays here in the cradle-lap of the sidewalk.
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

- Serenade, Adélia Prado




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Beautiful Poem! I've yet to read a poem this developed on the forums! Well done! However, before I go into depth about this poem, I will say I'm bias towards short, simple poems. And, as this is quite simple, but lengthy, I might get a little judgmental.


he thinks that he is a man, even now
but he doesn't even have hair on his upper lip yet
there is only cactus stubble and wishes.

<I like this opener, however, it's a rather rough when you say, "cactus stubble and wishes." Fiddle around to make it easier and more appealing to read.>

he wears his pants baggy, held up by a roosterswagger
and his hand around his beltbuckle.
he has a blue paisley bandanna hanging from his back pocket

<Love the imagery and use of the word, "roosterwagger."

and a crucifix is around his neck,
silver as grass underfoot in the full moonlight.
it hangs there against his wifebeater.

<This is fine as it is, but I can't help but want more out of the 'crucifix.'>

his fingers have been uprooted; it is sad.
we grow them in orchardsoil, you know.
they reach up from the ground, through the dirt

<This is where you lost my interest.>

like worms during a rainstorm.
we know the body of a pear.
we know the shapes, the curves

<Weak>

and these homegrown fingers are bred
to pick them (pull up and then towards yourself
so you don't damage the stem).

<Interesting>

look into our eyes and you will see that they are merely pearblossoms.
we stand here colt-legged on picking ladders
and we watch the sun plow furrows of streetlight at dusk.

<Lovely>

but.
he thinks that he is too much of a man
to wear those harness baskets and fill them with fruit.

<Odd line with just 'but.'>

i seen him.
i seen him with his hair greased back and a cigarette between his lips
sitting in an old Cadillac the color of prayer candles.

<"prayer candles" is odd.>

he must not remember how we carried him
across a line drawn in the dust with a stick,
our feet as flat as flyswatters and our hands as rough as calico.

<Flyswatters? Awkward word to use>

he must not remember the Tejano music
or the smell of grandpapa's burro skin, sweet with pipesmoke
or how his sister's eyes are like dried up apples at the base of the tree

<Beautiful>

now that he is not around anymore.
but our fingers, they keep working alright without him:
dusty with pesticides, dusty with sweatsalt.

<sweatsalt? Weak>

and even now, he thinks he is a man.
i can read it on his face
as he lays here in the cradle-lap of the sidewalk.

<I like the last line>

This is a very well-thought out poem. However, some words were odd and awkward. The imagery is lovely, but the execution is a bit dusty.




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Kylan wrote:
(Hey there Kylan! I am reviewing, not critiquing this piece. You are one of those amazing writers who don't have flaws.)


[hillcrest orchard]

he thinks that he is a man, even now
but he doesn't even have hair on his upper lip yet
there is only cactus stubble and wishes.

he wears his pants baggy, held up by a roosterswagger
and his hand around his beltbuckle. (Shan't beltbuckle be two words?)
he has a blue paisley bandanna hanging from his back pocket

and a crucifix is around his neck, (I know you used "hanging" in the above stanza, but I would change "is" to hangs.)
silver as grass underfoot in the full moonlight.
it hangs there against his wifebeater.

his fingers have been uprooted; it is sad.
we grow them in orchardsoil, you know. (I'm not sure if it's intentional to have your two words jumbled together? )
they reach up from the ground, through the dirt

like worms during a rainstorm.
we know the body of a pear.
we know the shapes, the curves

and these homegrown fingers are bred
to pick them (pull up and then towards yourself
so you don't damage the stem).

look into our eyes and you will see that they are merely pearblossoms.
we stand here colt-legged on picking ladders
and we watch the sun plow furrows of streetlight at dusk.

but.
he thinks that he is too much of a man
to wear those harness baskets and fill them with fruit.

i seen him.
i seen him with his hair greased back and a cigarette between his lips
sitting in an old Cadillac the color of prayer candles.

he must not remember how we carried him
across a line drawn in the dust with a stick,
our feet as flat as flyswatters and our hands as rough as calico.

he must not remember the Tejano music
or the smell of grandpapa's burro skin, sweet with pipesmoke
or how his sister's eyes are like dried up apples at the base of the tree

now that he is not around anymore.
but our fingers, they keep working alright without him:
dusty with pesticides, dusty with sweatsalt.

and even now, he thinks he is a man.
i can read it on his face
as he lays here in the cradle-lap of the sidewalk.



I really, really like it. The imagery is perfect. I wouldn't change any thing about this. And hey, what's the point in posting something if there's nothing to tear up?! This is really brilliant.

My favorite:

now that he is not around anymore.
but our fingers, they keep working alright without him:
dusty with pesticides, dusty with sweatsalt.

I don't know why-- I just love it.

I love your writing! I rarely review it because there's nothing to critique, so if you keep posting your work, expect a lot more "OMG THAT WAS SO GOOD" reviews from me. Full of praise.


Amazing. 10/10.

June
"I'd steal somebody's purse if I could google it and then download it." -- Firestarter



The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
— Patrick Star