Repeat

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Why can't I stop loving you?
It's tearing me apart.
How can people relate Valentines Day,
to frilly pink and red hearts?

The heart is a vital organ,
fragile as a butterfly.
Utterly uselss if you want to live,
to watch you blood spill lies.

Your mind should know better.
Your soul should get stronger,
you breath should come quicker,
for you life shall last no longer...

Because it's over.

And then it's back on.

It's all annoying,
because your the one.

You're the reason that I live,
you're the reason I will die.
My extraordinary personality,
away from you will shine.
Last edited by Writing for love is a pas on Fri Dec 26, 2008 8:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
No where to run...baby let's hide. Take her in your arms on a chilling winter's night. Watch the stars twinkle and glisten. Know that you've found the one person that will listen. ~*(ME)*~




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Hey!
I'm gonna be your reviewer for this poem.

So, first of all I liked it. But there's some things you should correct.

Why can't I stop loving you?
It's tearing me apart.
How can people relate Valentines Day,
to frilly pink and red hearts?


Okay, in the risk of sounding bad, the first two lines are a bad way to begin a poem. Too common.
The third and fourth have nothing to do with the first ones. So this stanza is confusing. I particularly liked the last two lines.

The heart is a vital organ,
fragile as a butterfly.
Utterly uselss if you want to live,
to watch you blood spill lies.


This is confusing. If you the heart is a vital organ why say it's useless (I think it's what you mean not uselss)? The last line is good.

you [Your] breath should come quicker,
for you [your] life shall last no longer... [put a . ]


Because it's over.

And then it's back on.


Confusing.

It's all annoying,
because your [you're] the one.


Your [again: You're] the reason that I live,
your [the same here: you're] the reason I will die.
My extraordinary personality,
away from you will shy.


the last two sentences are confusing. Maybe you're trying to say: away from you will shine."
Or if you're really going for shy, make it something like: "away from you will become shy."
Something like that.
So this is finally the end :D
Keep on writing!
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don't spell it. You feel it.

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that was really smooth and it flowed really well.


It's all annoying,

because your the one.


i think you should've used a stronger adjective rather than annoying. Maybe cruel?

and i also didn't get the end

My extraordinary personality,
away from you will shy.


so maybe try and fix that. But good job.



All truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe