Sorry for the inconvenience of the length of my piece however I wanted to post the First Chapter in its entirety. This is the opening Chapter from a novel I am making called Alcorus, constructive criticism would be appreciated
Thanks
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The sun set in the distance filling the sky with a blood red glow. Sachin looked out over the forest surrounding Alcorus, the soft breeze blowing his long chestnut hair to the side. It was amazing how one city of the city’s surroundings looked so beautiful, yet the other half was a war torn, barren land.
“Nervous?” a voice said and Sachin turned to greet the question. In front of him stood a small man with a big presence. His white fur coat and the wolf by his side made him very intimidating despite his size.
“Not at all Master, I am merely just watching out of the West Wall at how peaceful it is,” replied Sachin who leaned back against the balcony as he spoke.
“You know it is ok to be nervous on the day before the practical, even I was nervous back when I took it many years ago and you are much stronger now than I was then.” Mada was very proud of his student and as he gazed at him, his bright blue eyes shining with the sunset behind him, Mada could see a lot of himself in his favourite pupil.
“Well the Chandra are stronger now too Master, however as I said earlier I am not worried. I have been on tougher missions than the practical will give me and have passed them with just you by my side. Tomorrow with you and then rest of Squad 5 the practical should be a breeze.” Sachin now stood up straight and started to approach his master. “Thank you again Master, your teachings have helped my life long dream to become a Mejin finally come true and I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Sachin, it is an honour to have been your master and tomorrow you will pass the practical and become a Mejin. Being honest I will not be surprised if from there you go on and become a master yourself. Staying up late the night before however is not going to help your chances so I would advise you get some rest because tomorrow is when the adventure really begins.”
Sachin thought about it and came to the conclusion that Mada was probably right; he said his farewells to his master and then headed down the watch tower and towards his house. While he had been training to become a Mejin, Sachin had lived with his lifelong friend Mullac, the local weapons expert. This was of huge benefit to Sachin who got first choice on all weapons in the village and could arrange to get specialist ones at a discounted price. As Sachin walked past the weapons dealers he peered in through one of the windows and saw that Mullac was still in there burrowing his way through paperwork. Sachin decided it to be best to leave him be for now and continued on his way home and as he did so thought about the day he faced tomorrow. The practical was all anyone had talked about for the last year of training and was everything they had been preparing for, luckily all of Group Five were ready for it though.
After two years of training under a master, your squad of Five and your master must venture into the lands of the East and slay at least one chief Chandra. The master will assess all of the squad on the mission and if the mission is a success then the squad will pass their training and become official Mejins. To be a Mejin had been Sachin’s dream ever since he was a child. His father was one before he had passed away and his mother had always supported him follow his dream before she mysteriously disappeared just over a year ago; now he could make them proud. As he lay in bed that night all he could think about was the big day tomorrow. He knew he was more than ready for it, the nerves were just natural, but tomorrow was the day when he would finally be able to achieve his life long ambition and start the journey he had been waiting to take for so long.
Mullac awoke Sachin with a breakfast in bed the next morning.
“Glad to find out I was not the only one having a late night last night,” he said, smiling at Sachin and handing him over his bowl of wheat and milk.
“How did you know I had a late night?” asked Sachin. “I deliberately did not bother you in the shop as you looked busy.”
“I was busy indeed,” replied Mullac, laughing as he sat down on the foot of Sachin’s bed, “however after I had finished my paperwork Master Mada came in to pick up his new bow, he thinks you’re nervous.”
“I have done bigger and harder missions than this without the rest of Group 5 to help me.” Sachin now sat up and got out of bed. He made his way to his window and started arranging his weapons. “I am just feeling the pressure is all.”
“Sachin you’re a spectacular student and you will make become a great Mejin, you just need to stay focused and keep doing what your doing now,” said Mullac, trying to give confidence to his friend.
“You don’t understand though; my father was a great Mejin and he made my mother and I very proud and when he died it was as if my mother then looked to me to keep the pride in the family. I was only young at the time however what could I have done? I studied to become a Mejin to honour my father and to make my mother proud once again. Now I am at the practical and neither of them are here to see me do this for them.” Mullac had no reply at first and just watched as Sachin prepared for the task ahead of him. As he walked towards the door to leave for the practical Mullac finally broke the silence.
“They are watching you; even though they are not with us here they are still watching you and they are defiantly proud of you wherever they may be.” He waited to see Sachin’s reply and started to regret what he had said. Saying that his mother was ‘not with us here’ was a big mistake as Sachin still believed his mother was out their despite the chances of her surviving captivity for over a year to be very slim. Hopefully Sachin had not thought of it like that and had seen the meaning behind what Mullac was trying to say. Sachin stopped, holding the door open facing the outside he turned his head back and said two words to relieve Mullac’s tension.
“Thank you.” He then stepped outside and let the door swing close behind him. He took a deep breath and let his lungs fill up with the fresh air before walking over towards the East Gate. Mada was already waiting there along with three of the other members of Squad Five; they were no just waiting for Pico. They did not need to wait for long however as just minutes after Sachin’s arrival the very round shaped Pico appeared next to them out of breath and doubled over.
“Today is the day you have been waiting for ever since you started your training. It is the day you have been waiting for ever since you had the desire to be a Mejin. The day when you will be able to join a very select group of people who are known throughout all of Tyrandal. The Mejins are the elites of the country of Alcorus and our reputation stretches everywhere including to the parts where humans do not dare to wander. Now I have taken you on tougher missions on this, I have trained you up so you can pass this mission by yourselves, today should go swiftly and without any errors; do you understand all of that?”
“Yes Master!” all five students bellowed back. Mada turned around and signalled to the guards to open the gate and turned back to his students.
“Grandal Limetounge is not far from this wall. He is a chief of a small band of Chandra who are planning to infiltrate Alcorus and assassinate King Rurin. They are on their way here now which makes our task all the more easier. We will set up an ambush on the bridge nearest this gate, a bridge they will need to cross to get over the lakes of tar; however if we wish to do this we must move swiftly and immediately, is that clear?”
“Yes Master!” they bellowed again and now Mada turned on his heels and ran through the gate. The students all took a deep breath and did the same and followed him to the bridge he spoke to them about.
“Right we have a bit f time to prepare this ambush. Now we need to move these rocks and those branches over there on the bridge causing a blockade. This blockade needs to be big enough to ensure they cannot move it and also be big enough to hide Lendu and Raiken inside it. As they cannot make it over the bridge they will choose to wade through the lake of tar as it is not very deep here. This is when we will strike. When they have all got in the lake Sachin, Pico, Selim and I will start firing down upon them. Due to the tars viscosity they will not be able to move very fast and they should be easy targets. Some of them will get through the lake however and there attention will be drawn completely on us giving Lendu and Raiken the chance to sneak in behind and take out the remaining Chandra. Does anybody have any queries about what we’re going to do?” The students were all silent, the plan was simple enough and shouldn’t take too long to organise. “Lets get to it then,” Mada said and they all got to work.
It didn’t take long to set up the blockade and Lendu and Raiken found a good place to hide under some well places branches towards the back of the blockade. They put their cloaks over them and lay still waiting for the right moment to strike. Mada and Sachin took shelter on a raised bit of land behind some ruins towards the right side of the ambush point. Pico and Selim hid behind some rocks they couldn’t move towards the left side of the ambush point at ground level.
“Worried yet?” asked Mada. They were both looking into the distance where torch light could clearly be seen against some of the rocks.
“Not at all, we are fairly safe down here and Selim had Pico to look after him down there, if I am worried for anyone it is Lendu and Raiken.”
“Don’t worry if their over is blown we will provide them with enough cover to pull back. Either way they will take their time wading through tar or taking down the blockade so we will be able to take a lot of them down before they reach this side of the bridge. There they are get down!”
In the distance a group of 20 Chandra were being led by a large Chief with silver armour and war paints on; this was obviously their target. Using torches to see in the darkness they came up towards the bridge and then came to a sudden halt. Grandal turned and spoke to a few of his unit and then started pointing towards the lake and ordering them to march though that. The plan was going perfectly however it was about to reach a slight problem. The Chandra were entering the lake one by one and as a result not all of them would be in the lake at once which meant as soon as the trap was sprung some of them would be able to react and get into cover; these ones would have to be a priority. Over half the Chandra had entered the lake now and the first one was about to reach land again but out of no where an arrow struck him right in the neck, making him fall instantly. The Chandra became angry and scared at the same time, where had this arrow come from, some moved backwards to escape and others forwards and their formation soon turned into one known as a bundle.
“NOW!” screamed Mada and he and Sachin stood up and started firing arrows into the mass of Chandra below. Pico and Selim, who were equipped with throwing knives, stood up and started launching them at the Chandra as well. It was chaos and the Chandra had no idea what to do. Grandal who was at the back and still on dry land try to run back and warn others but Mada spotted this and fired a very well placed arrow into the back of Grandal’s knee cap. There were now half a dozen Chandra remaining and they had reached the other side of the lake. They let of a roar to try and intimidate their enemies however two of them fell instantly and as they did, Lendu and Raiken became visible behind them. The Chandra were shocked again and another two of them were killed before they could get their weapons out. The other two had time however and started the attack on the two late ambushers.
“Pico how about using your throwing blades on these two? Could get you some extra points with Master Mada’” said Selim who was crouched behind cover.
“Good idea my friend, it would be a shame to bring them and not use them now wouldn’t it?” replied Pico with a grin on his face. He reached into his bag and pulled out two objects that looked like very sharp boomerangs. He held one in each hand and launched them towards the two remaining Chandra. They were still deeply engrossed in close combat with Lendu and Raiken but in a flash both of them fell to the floor beheaded. The throwing blades finished their loop and then returned to Pico’s hands. He caught them safely with his gloves on and then looked up at Mada who had a big smile on his face.
Grandal was still trying to crawl away, ignoring the pain coming from his right left but was soon stopped by an even more painful feeling in his left foot; he was being dragged back towards the ambush by something sharp and turned around to see a wolf with its teeth clamped into Grandal’s foot dragging him back to 6 people waiting on the blockade on the bridge. He reached in his pocket for his dagger and pulled it out only to have an arrow pierce the hand it was in forcing him to drop his weapon, he had been defeated. The ambushers stood over him, looking down at him almost with pity, and then he lost consciousness.
Mullac heard a big cheer coming from outside his shop. He raced to the window and saw a huge crowd gathering and in the middle of the crowd walking towards the great hall was none other than Group Five. They were dragging a large Chandra with a bag over his head behind them as they marched through the crowd towards the King and the Prince who were stood outside the Great Hall waiting for them.
“It is with great pleasure that I, Prince Edmoth, Head of the Order of the Mejin, may welcome you five young students into this elite group of young warriors. May each of you step forward,” the Prince commanded and all five of them obeyed. He presented each of them with a necklace with a small blue gem in the middle. “As of this day, you will officially be recognised as Mejins.” He had done it; Sachin had brought honour back to his family name.
