The Bleeding Rose

I really liked this guy and he liked me.
The day he gave me the rose it was white.
It was a beautiful rose and I loved it.
He said it was a token of his love.

The day of his accident,
Still haunted me everyday.
I tried to hide my tears,
But they just never seemed to go away.

I saw him everyday in the hospital.
I couldn’t just do nothing because I loved him.
So I took the rose and gave it to him,
To think it would make him better.

Two weeks later was devastating.
I couldn’t handle the truth.
That he was dead and I couldn’t save him.
I went into the room where he was.

I went in to say my goodbyes.
I grabbed his hand and kissed it.
I saw the rose,
It was covered in his blood.

I said, “This is my bleeding rose,
And I shall cherish this forever.
Goodbye my love, soon I will be with thee.
Now that you left I have to set my heart free.”

I think this poem will work better in present tense.

I really liked this guy and he liked me.

The day he gave me the rose it was white.

It was a beautiful rose and I loved it.

Repetition of 'rose' and 'liked' - try and find other ways to express the same thing.

The day of his accident,

[s]Still[/s] haunted me everyday.

I tried to hide my tears,

But they [s]just[/s] never [s]seemed[/s] to go away.

This is awkwardly worded and I think deleting some words will help.

'The day of his accident,
haunted me everyday.
I tried to hide my tears,
but they never go away

Even then, I think making this completely present tense will work better.

I saw him everyday in the hospital.

I couldn’t just do nothing [s]because I loved him[/s]

So I took the rose and gave it to him,

To think it would make him better.

Again, some of the phrasing is awkward. The second line for instance, seems to imply that that loving him is cause enough to do nothing but that you were going to defy that. Very wierd sentence.

I went in to say my goodbyes.

I grabbed his hand and kissed it.

I saw the rose,

It was covered in his blood.

Covered in his blood? That's highly doubtful and overly dramatic in my estimation.

I said, “This is my bleeding rose,

And I shall cherish this forever.

Goodbye my love, soon I will be with thee.

Now that you left I have to set my heart free.”

Where the hell did this archaic language come from? Nix this whole stanza. It's completely out of the wack with the rest of the poem and what little good there is, is tarnished by this. Overall, it should like a little something like this (with my suggestions in place)

I really like this guy and he likes me.
He gave me a rose and it was white.
It's a beautiful rose and I love it.
He said it was a token of his love.

His accident haunts me everyday,
I try to hide my tears
but they never go away

I saw him in the hospital, day after day
I couldn't just do nothing,
so I brought him the rose
hoping it would make him better

Two weeks later - devastation.
I couldn't handle the truth.
He was dead and I hadn't saved him.
I went into his room, one last time.

I went to say goodbye.
I grabbed his hand and kissed it.
I saw the rose.
It wasn't white anymore.

*

Even with my suggestions though, there's not much good. Sentence variation and word selection are both very standard - 'try to have less sentences beginning with 'I' - and while I initially found myself liking the simplicity and the barren tone it soon bored me.

Hope this helped,
Cheers

This was an odd poem for me.
Though it is a little imaginative and you also told us what was happening, it just didn't fit with it. Also: I agree with Jiggity. It might be better in the present tense.

There is a nice use of emotion in this poem. That is good, but I don't know. Something seems missing.

I really liked this guy and he liked me.
The day he gave me the rose it was white.
It was a beautiful rose and I loved it.
He said it was a token of his love.

Straight forward beginning. You tell us immediately what's going on.

I said, “This is my bleeding rose,
And I shall cherish this forever.
Goodbye my love, soon I will be with thee.
Now that you left I have to set my heart free.”

This didn't really work for me. Obviously you wanted to end it like this, but it doesn't work. You can either replace it or you can take it out or something like that.
I'd try not to let her speak.Try to talk more about the rose that is covered in "Blood"

All in all: I think it needs a lot of work. I like the I idea of the "Bleeding rose"
Also that it seems a little straight forward to me. Not that it's a bad thing, I just don't like poems like this. So you can pretty much say it's a personal thing with me.

You've got the bones of a good idea here but the way it's put forth comes across as trivial and insincere. Again the bleeding rose image i.e its transaction from white to red is a good idea, it's original. It's actually the best thing about the entire poem, otherwise it doesn't really know where it's going. I'd recommend going back to square one with that one image and theme and really let it come from the heart, because at the moment it does feel forced.

First off, I wanted to say that the first time I read this story I almost cried. The idea you have here is really good, sadly the way you've written it overall is very monotone.

I really liked this guy and he liked me.

The day he gave me the rose it was white.

It was a beautiful rose and I loved it.

He said it was a token of his love.

Change 'really liked' and 'guy.' Perhaps 'I was in love with a boy.'
Place an 'I remember' in front of the second line.
Also, try and give an occasion for the gift of the rose, so it doesn't seem just like a random point in time, i.e. Birthday or Christmas.

I saw him everyday in the hospital.

I couldn’t just do nothing because I loved him.

So I took the rose and gave it to him,

To think it would make him better.

Mention how he came to be in the hospital.
Change the second line.
Change 'To think' in the last line to 'Thinking'

Two weeks later was devastating.

I couldn’t handle the truth.

That he was dead and I couldn’t save him.

I went into the room where he was.

Move around the first three lines, something just doesn't feel right about it.

Fourth stanza, I wouldn't touch.

I said, “This is my bleeding rose,

And I shall cherish this forever.

Goodbye my love, soon I will be with thee.

Now that you left I have to set my heart free.”

This stanza seems fairly corny. It might have worked if this was set in the late Victorian era, which wouldn't be that terrible of an idea (no offense intended.)

I truly did love this piece, and I apologize if I may seem harsh.