Loneliness

loneliness

games,laughter and joy all of them i hav,
but i am alone.
frnds both girls and boys i hav,
but i still mourn.
a strange emptiness is making my heart hollow,
that's why i feel so low.
hundereds of people surround me,
but i still feel alone.

then i saw an empty place,
and then i remembered an angel.
who had flown down from the sky one day,
back then she was a stranger.
she laughed and joked and had fun wid us,
she touched our hearts and minds.
then on one day she quietly flew away,leaving many happy memories behind.

Hi there! Good work, I liked it. But....

Games,laughter and joy all of them I have ,
but I am alone.
Friends, both girls and boys I have,
but I still mourn.
A strange emptiness is making my heart hollow,
that's why I feel so low.
Hundreds of people surround me,
but I still feel alone.

Ok, so you have to capitalize the words in the beginning of the lines (not all, you have to see the context). Hav is not spelled that way, and capitalize the I's.

Then I saw an empty place,
and then I remembered an angel. [Make it just: I remembered an angel, and change to a comma]
who had flown down from the sky one day,[delete the one day and change the comma to a .]
Back then she was a stranger.
She laughed and joked and had fun wid us, [with, change the comma]
She touched our hearts and minds.
Then on one day she quietly flew away,[brake it right here]leaving many happy memories behind.

Over all, i liked it
Review it, and keep on writing!

i wrote it for my best frnd
who was like my sister
she is now in canada n am in india

Okay...

Nice. First of all: Write all the words out. Chat speak is not good.
Secondly(and it's a common one.) You must write " i " like this:

" I "

Next problem. Just like in any other story, when there is a full stop, the next sentence automatically starts with a capital letter. Same rules here.

a strange emptiness is making my heart hollow,
that's why i feel so low.

The 'low' on the end of the 2 line doesn't do it for me. I feel that you must replace it with another word.

and then i remembered an angel.
who had flown down from the sky one day,

The first line is okay. I think at the start of the second line, "who" must be replaced with "she" or whatever.

I think it was a good poem.

Good job.

Simple. I loved it!!! It seems like everything I read, it speaks to me in some type of way. I am always surrounded by a lot of people but still inside of my heart, I feel empty and shallow. I suffer from a lot of pain and from a void that needs to be filled deep within me. I loved your poem. It spoke to my heart and gave me something to believe in. I wish that I could speak to me angel. Have long conversations with him/her tell them about my secrets and about my deepest thoughts. I long for the communication with the supernatural and a higher power. Sometimes in my life I am so confused and I need some direction as to where I need to go to move forward in my life.

then i saw an empty place,
and then i remembered an angel.
who had flown down from the sky one day,
back then she was a stranger.
she laughed and joked and had fun wid us,
she touched our hearts and minds.
then on one day she quietly flew away,leaving many happy memories behind.

I really connected with your words in all of these lines and was completely captivated by the way your words flowed and reached me in a special way. I love your writing and I enjoyed the message you conveyed. Keep writing, I'll keep reading!!

OMG Dhriti...
I love this poem...every time I read it, it just touches my heat n i feel like crying...
I am sorry i left you there and came here...i wish i was right there with you...
Thank you so much for writing this wonderful poem for me...
love you...
miss you so much..

- Anshita