Class Warrior

Arrogance blooms with much to spare
As I stand before the crooked lair
Of mortal men so viciously vile
That even snakes divert their glare.
Their perverse smiles sicken me
They exsist to taunt.
But I pray my blazen words shall haunt
And touch a hardened heart.
To be the catalyst to start the beat
That will make their bodies more than meat.

Erect and proud, I face the faces
Of the tyrants of a thousand places.
I stare down the throat of beasts
Who rule and kill and live to feast.
But I feel the strings of history pulling in my favor.,
I regale any serneity
So these tasteless men can savor
Pasiion and uncorrupted truth
From a mouth that has been pinned uncouth.

I bellow and preach about liberty lost
And paupers frozen to the frost.
The starving masses, inadequate classes,
The cities that vagrancy fashions.
They nod their heads and softly sneer.
They say, "How very cute my dear"
Pretension and presumption are the extent of their emotion.
But I, the martyr, prepare to die
As the last act of class devotion.
The veiled struggle yearn to be revealed
Before the rifts can ever be healed.
They cannot stem my primal drive
Because my words can long survive.

I see the hollow space within their foems
I will not give to their demands
Or not a free man shall ne'er be born.

Okay. I like it. Very powerful. The tempo was a bit dodgy, but that's okay.

Arrogance blooms with much to spare
As I stand before the crooked lair
Of mortal men so viciously vile(Really like this line)
That even snakes divert their glare.(This one to)
Their perverse smiles sicken me
They exsist to taunt.
But I pray my blazen words shall haunt
And touch a hardened heart.
To be the catalyst to start the beat
That will make their bodies more than meat.

Okay. First of all, you have a demented mind, which is good.

Arrogance blooms with much to spare
As I stand before the crooked lair

I don't know. The first line works for me, but the second one, not so much. Maybe it's that 'crooked' that I don't like. lol

Erect and proud, I face the faces
Of the tyrants of a thousand places.
I stare down the throat of beasts
Who rule and kill and live to feast.(Very nice)
But I feel the strings of history pulling in my favor.,
I regale any [s]serneity[/s](Serenity, if this is what you are looking for?)
So these tasteless men can savor
[s]Pasiion[/s](Passion) and uncorrupted truth
From a mouth that has been pinned uncouth.

I like this stanza.

I regale any serneity
So these tasteless men can savor

This was a bit funky for me. It just kills that energy for me. Never the less, the rest of the rest of it is good.

I see the hollow space within their foems
I will not give to their demands
Or not a free man shall ne'er be born.

The ending wasn't good for me. The last line is good, but the other 2 just doesn't bring me into the world, if you know what I mean. Again, nice emotions.

All in all: It is a good poem. I like it. I just feel that some places needs a little more work.

But I pray my blazen words shall haunt

I think you mean 'brazen' - blazen isn't a word.

But I feel the strings of history pulling in my favor.,
I regale any serneity
So these tasteless men can savor
Pasiion and uncorrupted truth
From a mouth that has been pinned uncouth

First of all, you have a comma and a period at the end of the first line. You should have neither. You make a conscious choice before you begin to either include grammar or not; you shouldn't pick or choose and as you don't use it anywhere else in the piece you should get rid of it.

Also - 'serenity' is spelled thus. How does one regale serenity anyway? It means to entertain or amuse, usually via a story "I regaled them with tales of my adventures" - in the second line of this stanza, I think its been used improperly.

'Passion' is spelled thus.

'Passion and uncorrupted truth
From a mouth that has been pinned uncouth'

Do you mean, via 'pinned' to say that the mouth in question has been called uncouth? I hope so, otherwise it doesn't make sense that passionate truths should come from an uncivilised, rude mouth. Make is clearer

I bellow and preach about liberty lost
And paupers frozen to the frost.

frozen in the frost

The veiled struggle yearn to be revealed
Before the rifts can ever be healed.

yearns to be revealed
Before the rift can ever be healed

Just switch the plural around.

They cannot stem my primal drive
Because my words can long survive

Because my words will long survive -- makes more sense, more declarative, less unsure, reads better.

I see the hollow space within their foems
I will not give to their demands
Or [s]not a[/s] free man shall ne'er be born.

forms

I see the hollow space within their forms
I will not give in to their demands
Or a free man shall ne'er be born.

**

A few errors littered throughout but I generally liked the imagery. It flowed fairly well too, read almost like a rap, so I enjoyed it :p

Cheers