The New Leaf

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amidst the daze the life was born

I think that should be "a" life.

I found the repetition of phrase and the formulaic structure to be unimaginative and boring. This failed to engage me in any significant fashion. What's to make this more noteworthy than any other piece? What makes this standout? The answer is nothing, compared to the millions of other, similar poems out there. There's no great or clever or creative insight here; a simple emotion declared in a likewise simple manner, its cute, yes but to stand on its own as poetic verse?


I think not.

Show me something different, something better, something unique; at the very least, try to make me care. Right now, it does none of those things but I wish you luck in achieving it.

Cheers

I have to agree with Jiggity. It was dull and my imagination didn't even switch on. You did too many errors. This poem is as if you just wrote it in say a few hours.(No offense)

Poems need a lot of attention. It is really hard to find a good poem. Good poems are from people who are very patient. They make sure every word sets your imagination into another world.

This poem however, didn't give me that satisfaction. You must either improve it by adding metaphors, alliteration, personification, more creativity, or you just start over.

Amidst the ashes, the lotus was planted.
Amidst the daze the life was born,

How many times have we not here similar things like this. It isn't even exciting.

I relied on you, you were my constant.
Now you are my everything.

The ending was not creative or even good.
I'm sorry for being harsh, but that is the only way it's going to force you to do better. Always try to do better than the previous. Yes it is difficult and I'm struggling with it, but trust me it's worth it.

Actually, emma, I think this is a very nice poem! The important thing is that is comes from the heart; when you spill your passion into your poetry, it rubs off on everyone who comes in contact with it. Just remember that. Also, you've got some half-rhyme with "born" and "more", a good literary technique. In fact, it's such a good technique that you might consider half-rhyming all the way through. Your first four lines have a chanting, lyrical quality that draws the reader in, so you could also consider carrying that through the rest of the poem. Some of your words were harsh and out-of-meter, such as "planted" and "invigorated". Go for softer sounds.

Thanks for helping me, thanks for being there

You can say this without saying "thanks". Fill it in with concrete imagery, metaphors, similes, anything.
Good work. It just needs a little tweaking.