alone

There is nothing here
I am all alone
In this dark place of my own creation
The silence is unbearable
But so is the noise
All the sounds of my own heart
The raging thoughts in my own mind
Trying to ignore them
Failing at not listening
To the sense they are making
So get up
Out of that dark place
And never return
Go into the light
The bright beating light of life
Where you are not alone
The place that YOU are
Where you can listen to yourself
Be at peace
And love all that you have
All that has been given
And all you give

First of all. Hello!! Never greeted you I think.

Okay. The beginning was very good, but when it progressed, you got a little sloppy.

It might be nice if you add stanza in this poem.

There is nothing here (I'd add a full stop here.)
I am all alone
In this dark place of my own creation (Full stop.)
The silence is unbearable
But so is the noise

I like this! Really nice. The last two lines are the best. Really well thought out.

Trying to ignore them
Failing at not listening
To the sense they are making

This was a bit odd. It didn't really had something to do with the last line.

So get up
Out of that dark place
And never return
Go into the light
The bright beating light of life

I swear. If I have to read "LIGHT OF LIFE" one more time, I'm gonna jump of a building.
Nothing wrong with it. Just a little irritated that people can't find another word to compare life with.*sighs*

The place that YOU are

Rather write YOU in Italic

I just feel you switched off when you wrote the last few lines. That is not goo.
But still, I'll say it is good, but still needs to be improved.

studious samus wrote:There is nothing here
I am all alone
In this dark place of my own creation

Surely there's a better way you can describe this abyss beyond saying "the dark place". It would be passable if you expanded upon it later on, but you don't. The reader is then left cheated, waiting for the next potential image and fiery description but receiving only a blank stare in return. Don't do that to your audience, and especially not in the beginning.

The silence is unbearable
But so is the noise
All the sounds of my own heart
The raging thoughts in my own mind

I couldn't find a way to critique this part without thinking to myself "Emo! Emo! Emo!" inadvertantly. Honestly, this style of writing so far is very cliched and I've heard it thousands of times, never getting better but always staying on that stagnant plane of no-one understanding you and how your mind lives within a tattered soul, etc. I want to see something new; this is boring. Unless you have a truly extraordinary idea later on, the beginning and middle of your poem will sink the whole piece down.

Trying to ignore them
Failing at not listening
To the sense they are making

The people talking make sense, but you still don't want to hear them? What's going on here? These lines are what makes no sense.

So get up
Out of that dark place
And never return
Go into the light
The bright beating light of life
Where you are not alone
The place that YOU are
Where you can listen to yourself
Be at peace
And love all that you have
All that has been given
And all you give

This poem suddenly spun at a strange angle, from Emo to Hallmark, and neither is good style when trying to write something interesting. In fact, I almost prefer the Emo part to the ending that you've given us. "So get up". That's great advice, but you need to show us how to do this. Right now, the conclusion is basically fluff with no real content or information to it. It can be summed up in two words:

"Get better."

When you have 12 lines that can be condensed completely into two lines, that's never a good thing. Bring some nuances here, show us some more angles of the problem, and please at least let us know what we can do to go into the light if depression takes us.

Hope that helped.

These are my favorite lines:

Go into the light

The bright beating light of life

Although you change direction when you say this:

The place that YOU are

Where you can listen to yourself

Be at peace

And love all that you have

All that has been given

And all you give

Are you still talking about yourself in generalization or someone else completely?