How I Feel When I Play The Piano

Okay. So I know that nobody is going to like this because it has not structure or rhythm or any of it. Its just that I don't really approach poetry as a strict rigorous perfectionist art. I kind of just write crap. But it ain't a story or a script or art or photography so I'm sticking it here.

When I was writing this, I tried to make it so the line length fit the context, e.g the line 'Or Ugly' doesn't fit with the rest of the poem because its expressing ugliness, abnormality. And I know all you amazing poets are sighing at my amaturishness; but I'm just playing with ideas.

I did have a go at proper rhyming poetry (and Galerius said it was okay (!) and I was well chuffed and suddenly very glad about how critical he is because I was like WOW it really must be okay- he probably wont like this though) but its harder to express yourself properly when what you're really thinking about is "What rhymes with orange? Oh yeah, NOTHING."




When I get angry,
Or mad or sad or plain pissed off,
And the tension builds,
And builds and builds and builds,
Until its pressing at my eyeballs,
And I can’t take it,
I slam my hands down onto the piano,
My foot pressed on the peddle,
With such force I could snap it off,
And even if the resulting sound,
Is a cacophony of dischord,
There's a shot of calmness,
As if someone has stolen
All the frustration in me,
Just ripped it out,
And I’m relaxed,
And I’m happier,
Because it's easier to express myself,
And release all my pent up emotion
With music.
With rises and falls,
And lilts and lulls,
I can confirm that I'm in a good mood,
Or if people should steer clear,
I can make the sound pretty,
Or ugly.
Because I am in control,
The maker of the music,
The origin of it all,
And it’s just
Incredible.

I think this was good, but there's some stuff you could take out to make it more powerful.

First off, the first five lines were not a very good start to the poem. I think the idea of the tension building up is necessary, but it could be reworded better. The "feeling words" in the first two lines don't add much because they are abstractions. You could just start with "The tension inside me builds and builds until it's pressing at my eyeballs" (more than two "builds" is redundant). Or you could make some brief allusion to what is causing the tension.

Secondly, "peddle" should be pedal and "pressed" would read better as "presses". Otherwise, I really liked it until...

And I’m relaxed,

And I’m happier,

Because it's easier to express myself,

And release all my pent up emotion

With music.

I'd keep going with the pattern of images you had going. Don't just tell me you're relaxed/happier--show me. Do you smile? Sigh? Let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding? Something else? It would make this part a lot stronger if you added imagery.

I can confirm that I'm in a good mood,

Or if people should steer clear,

This was kind of clunky and didn't add a whole lot, because you express the same idea better in "I can make the sound pretty/or ugly".

Because I am in control,

The maker of the music,

The origin of it all,

And it’s just

Incredible.

Loved this. Beautiful ending.

Now a general suggestion: You put a comma at the end of almost, every, single, line and you didn't really put any periods that was really confusing because I wasn't sure where one thought ended and another began and, the commas, made reading the poem, really chunky because, they were all, over the place. Notice how difficult that was to read? That's kind of what the poem looks like at the moment.

Luckily, this can be easily fixed. Just pretend your poem was in paragraph form. Where would you end a sentence? Where would you normally put a comma or other punctuation mark? Those are the only places you want punctuation. Otherwise a misplaced comma could distract the reader and mess up the flow of the piece.

Overall, this was really good, and you had some good images. Just clean it up a little and it would be fantastic. Keep writing!

Polish it up a bit, and its really good! I liked it cause i do the same thing in it. It was good because you were expressing yourself in a poetic format. i like it like i said. i think u can use different words that pissed off though. so just keep writing.

I don't care what the others might say but I loved it! You described exactly how I feel every time I play the piano! *sniff* I nearly cried! Of course there's some things, that could be improved, but there always are at most poems. Anyway I Loved it!
Keep writing!

In the first part there was something, uhm, "not quite right"... but then as your emotion began building so did the quality. I think I actually like it this way - explains how I sometimes feel, too. I haven't played in a while though... I don't feel as if there is any purpose for me playing it. However: one of my new aims before I die is to learn 101 pieces of my choosing (without a piano teacher dictating it to me) so in a couple of weeks who knows, maybe I'll be doing an hour every day as before. *laughs*

This word here:

And even if the resulting sound,

Is a cacophony of dischord,

Cacophony... amazing. Dunno what it means, but it fits perfectly. The word is quite hard and uhm, 'stutters' as you read it, so compliments the word 'discord' perfectly.

I'm full of nonsense, sometimes *scratches head* Your poem has already been critiqued and I tend not to do it unless nobody has already made my points, so I'll check out your other works if I can remember to this evening. *laughs*

Ja~!

I totally get what you mean.
I love playing the piano.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but cacophony means a mixture of unplesant and loud sounds?
Right, I forgot. There's an invention called the 'dictionary' to help me with that.

Anyway, I'm not too familiar with poetry,
But it flowed quite well, though some parts didn't seem right.
A nice blend of words
Good job.

Keep lovin' the piano!