Because - Chap. 17

DELETED

*fangirls insanely*

And I get first comment, too. It's a dream come true *wipes pretend tears away* seriously though - seeing as I'm first, I'd better do my job and critique this thing.

*rolls sleeves up*

Vick’s house was a small split entry

This is probably just culture confusion. What's a split entry? Is it similar to... a maisonette? (Where a family lives on the first floor of a house, and a second family lives below.)

I mean, what about The Rollingstones?

OK - this bit had me confused a little. Does she want to name their band "The Rollingstones", or is she saying that the decision not to have a band name which doesn't start with 'the' is stupid? Because if so, then The Rolling Stones has a space in the middle. ;D

“O.R.?” I whispered to Vick.

He looked down at me with a sigh. “It means—”

.... what? Vick, what were you gonna say? Dude, what does it mean? What does O.R. mean, man? VICK! *slaps*

Vick laughed, and I could hear the relief in the sound. “Glad we’re past the… So let’s play Your Eyes first,” he said, moving to pick up a guitar.

A lil' confusing here, too. Does he mean to say "glad we're past that"? Or is he stopping himself from saying something?

Oh - and there's a full stop missing after the sentence "what the true words were", in the last paragraph.

But all these are really stupid, niggly points, and I'm almost ashamed to make this review. Basically, there's nothing wrong with it, and it just took me about 3000 characters to say so! *laughs*

And - once again - you have us speculating around your little finger waiting in painful agony for the next chapter. Also, I felt this strange rush of... warmth... at the ending. It was tres odd. I suppose it was happiness that she is - very slowly - starting to move on from her trauma.

But Will is still there. Haunting her. And I have a feeling he's not going to go away with a whacking great fight. Alright! Climax - here we come! *punches the air*

YAY!!!

I was going to explode after chapter sixteen, especially since I didn't think you were going to post another chapter. I liked this one...no wait...I loved it!! As you already know, I love Vick and he's a singer? Extra YAY!!! I know this isn't any review but the person above you hit all that I saw on the nose. And the acronyms are killing me KJ!!! What is W.A. and O.R. I want to know!!

Please keep them coming,

~Angie

P.S. You may be wondering why I'm putting 'Angie' instead of 'Angel' Well Clo recently changed my nickname to Angie so its what I'll be known for from now on but I won't kill you if you call me Angel.

Hey again, KJ!

I don't think I've mentioned this, but I like how you're alternating chapters between past and present. It's wicked knowing each story bit by bit.

Again, you've managed to write, not as if you're trying to think of creative things to say, but like you're describing to us a picture you see in your head. It gives it a clear sort of creativity that I can't manage to get yet.

And since the others caught the same nit-picks i did, I have nothing more to say, other than this: another great chapter, my friend! Can't wait until the next one!

--Anna

Sweetness. I loved it. I'm so happy you posted this chapter so quickly. I didn't see anything that needed to be fixed. Like always.

As I said on Chapter 16, there really isn't much more I can say about this piece. I really think you should send this to a publisher when you have it all edited. What publisher would be stupid enough to turn this story down? I'm sure I have said all of this on some of your previous chapters, but, what can I say? I'm running out of descriptive words to use. Wait. Scratch that. I have run out of words to describe your writing.

-VenomStitches

This was a short chapter in my eyes. Good but nonetheless short. I can't wait for more I couldn't find any spelling or grammar errors, but i think there was a typo in this sentence.

I had been half-expecting something insane, like purple shingles and loud rock shaking the ground.

I think after the word 'rock' you meant to write 'music' but didn't. Anyway that's all I cought. Keep on rockin the writer's world!

-Moony

Really good, just like always.
You can tell that their relationship is changing, but not to fast, which is good.
Just like Anna said, it's like you're describing a vision that you see in your head, but you manage to note the small, indestict things that make a great story. Like how someone looks, or the expressions they have. Or the color of someones lip ring. haha
I can't wait for another installlment. PM me whenever you write more.

*KJ~

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute here. Did that just happen? Did Becca take Vick's hand at the end? Wow, that is something. And I hope she'll soon get with Vick (friendship or not) and over with Sheldon.

Hahaha!! You know, I have never guessed or maybe it didn't cross my mind that Vick was in a garage band. Or is the word garage too mean?

Cookies? Where? I WANT some!!! Please?

Okay, like the abbreviations for Serena, I don't get. I would like to know what they mean. Or maybe I shouldn't know.

Yes, the lyrics were kind of cliche and unoriginal. But, I liked them anyway.

Ugh!! Becca has got to stop thinking about Sheldon. Maybe it's not her fault. Maybe he implanted something or forced her to think of him. I don't know.

Oh, and I'm seriously lovin' the last sentence. So sweet!!

Wonderful job, here!

*Merry

Yay, KJ, another excellent chapter!

I think the thing I enjoyed the most about this one was the simplistic descriptions that were somehow also complex enough for me to be able to see everything clearly.

It's also fascinating how you managed to make Becca mostly comfortable and happy, but still incorporated the whisper in the back of her mind that Will might be coming. It's a very, very, good effect and only displays your talent even more.

I positively love how you make Vick so weird, but so attractive and cool at the same time. That is also a very good effect. He seems a little unpredictable, but also very firm.

Oh, and I love the name Serena.

Anyway, awesome chapter, interesting ending. I can't wait to see what happens next!

*runs off to read the next chapter*