Nightshade- III the summoning

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Outside the cobbled streets were still damp from the newly lifted fog. The orphanage was in the market quarter, so the streets were already packed at mid morning. I dodged through the crowd ignoring the people crying their goods. Mirano lay along the shore of Iskulka lake, nestled between the lake and Te'rang mountain range. The city was wrapped in fog for almost the whole year.

The Wolf's Crown, was a dockside tavern, just the wrong side of respectable. When I walked through the door the people inside turned to stare. There was a couple in back of the room, and the usual group of dockside thugs, huddled around the fire.

The bartender looked up when I took a seat at the counter. "What can I get you?" His accent was thick, dark eyes and hair proving he was Mirelan born and bred.

"Hot tak." I murmured pushing a silver coin across the table along with a small black card. The bartender raised his eyebrows and took the coin, pushing the card back across the table. "And you can let me in to see old Ryoji."

He nodded and shoved a mug filled my way. Tak was a thick red-brown liquid, it didn't look pretty, but it was guaranteed to wake even the numbest mind. I took a bracing swig, as I walked up the stairs. Careful to act casually, in case anyone was watching I opened the door and walked into a cloud of green smoke. Coughing I waved my hand in the air chasing the dreamsmoke away.

The room was quite a sight to see, their were candles on almost every surface, an old man sat in a corner chair. He smiled when he saw me walk through the door and set his pipe down on the table, waving me forward. "Ah young Shade it has been a quite some time since you've paid this old man a visit. Come, come, pull up a chair."

Smiling wistfully I set my mug by his pipe, took off my cloak, and sat down on the stool. "How'd you know it was me Ryoji?" The old man was in his early sixties, his once black hair had turned an iron gray. But what was most disturbing was the film over his black eyes, the old man was blind.

Ryoji grinned and shook his finger at me. "Now Shade, you know very well that there are more ways to see then just with your eyes. That aside, why have you come here? What could the Nightwalker possibly want with an old blind man?"

"How did you...?" I shook my head in surprise, Ryoji never ceased to surprise me.

"How did I know you were the Nightwalker? Simple, the same way I know you don't keep any of your spoils. They disappear into the slums and go to feed the poor. Foolish boy, I've known you since you were three years old. And I taught you a good deal of those skills you prize so highly." Ryoji banged the table top, with his fist. "So what bothers you? You're footsteps sounded worried."

I bit my tongue to keep from laughing out loud. Really I should have known, I'd never been able to get anything passed Ryoji. Then I remembered why I was here, sighing I leaned back on the stool. "Ryoji, I think I'm in big trouble." So I told him what had happened last night starting from the robbery, and ending with waking up this morning. "You know more of the lore then anyone old man. What's happening to me, and who was that guy?"

Ryoji sighed and leaned back in his chair. He stared out the window like he could still see the bustling dock, and the fisherman out on the lake. "What he did to you, or why he did it I can't say. I doubt you'll find the answer to that question anywhere in the fourth realm. But the man you describe is surely Rheas, the Guardian of the Gate. He is a god of the seventh realm, it said he has spent so many years watching over the gate between realms that it has become part of him."

"But just knowing who he is doesn't help me!" I jumped and started pacing the small room, careful not to knock over the candles.

"Very well Shade, if you want the answers that badly there is something you could try."

"What?"

"You could try summoning a Nachi."

I swallowed and stared wide eyed at Ryoji. "But Nachi, they're forever. And if I don't manage to forge a contract. I'd be dead." Nachi were elemental spirits of the sixth realm, they were born from the source of life and it was said that they could look through time and foretell the outcome of a single decision.

The old man chuckled softly. "Into all life some rain must fall. It is for you to decide whether it is worth the risk Shade. Besides, a novice like you would only be able to summon a low level Nachi. And those give contracts fairly easily."

"Should I?" I thought. "I don't know who or even what I am anymore. I need to know, and more then that, I want to know." Nodding I glared at Ryoji. "Show me what I have to do old man."

Ryoji took me into the adjoining room, the walls were covered in books and scrolls Ryoji had acquired over the years. Most contained legend of the third or fifth realm, the ones humans knew the most about. First I took a copper bowl and filled it with water, I threw a handful of dirt in, and blew over the water, for the air element, finally I held a torch in my hand and prepared to drop it in the water.

Before I did I turned to Ryoji in disbelief. "This is it? This is all I have to do to summon a Nachi? Mix the elements together, and chant some magick words? It's too easy."

Ryoji smiled mysteriously and leaned back against the wall. "Summoning a Nachi is easy. It's getting one to answer that's hard. They are notorious for their capricious natures. And many people fail in summoning them, but if need be great enough, they will answer. Now get on with it before the torch burns out."

Chastened, I turned back to the bowl, and held the torch over the fire's reflection dancing on the water's surface. "Benider ni volitas sa' eln, abidas." I dropped the torch into the water, but instead of going out the flame roared upward in a column of fire.

The flames swirled in the air until they took the form of a wolf, it was chest high, and seemed to be made entirely of flames. A small green gemstone was embedded in the forehead, and it's eyes were the color of rubies. "Who calls?" The voice was soft and lilting, as it, or rather she, for the voice was definitely feminine, took a step towards me.

I gulped and reached towards it. "I do."

"And why have you called me little human?" The wood beneath her paws was scorched but it didn't ignite, as if she was choosing not to let the fire rage. But I could tell, this wasn't some gentle earth Nachi, somehow against all odds I had called a rare and powerful fire Nachi to the fourth realm.

"Because I need answers. What did Rheas do to me, why did he change me?"

The spirit cocked her head and watched me. "He did not change you. He simply returned to you that was yours to begin with. Your power, your name, your identity as a god of the seventh realm."

"Me, a god? But I'm human, I've always been human."

"Maybe you were. But once, in your first life, you were a god. And now you are, what you were before. Forge a contract with me."

I knew what happened next, anyone who'd heard the fairy tales knew. Gently I reached out and laid my hand on the top of the spirits head. Surprisingly the fire didn't burn me it felt gentle, and warm, as if I was protected. "I'm Nightshade, Shade for short." I smiled tentatively and rubbed her ears. "What about you?"

"My name is Flare. You finally called me. Master."She leaned forward and licked me on the cheek. I felt the connection as our minds linked together. And I knew Flare would never leave me, she would love me no matter what.




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Oh, herro! (Okay, back to normal mode I go!)

Alrighty, here's my review :D (P.S.- I'm not sure if you know who this is or not, but if you don't then you are SHUNNED. Hehe just jokin)

Okay seriously this time, onto the review.

Bold= Changes I Suggest, [s]Strike Through[/s]=Things I Think Should Be Taken Out

I dodged through the crowd, ignoring the people carrying their goods.


The city had been wrapped in fog for almost the whole year.



Just a little pointer; you went from talking about the fog, to rambling about a market street, to talk about some person lying somewhere, then back to the fog. Don't ramble. Keep the flow; if you're going to change the subject, but have more to add to your current one, chances are going right back to the beginning subject after going completely off topic won't get you a home run. The info about the orphanage fit, as well as the "dodging people", but telling us where Mirano was didn't really swing it for me.


The Wolf's Crown[s],[/s] was a dockside tavern, just on the wrong side of respectable.


Okay. In the first paragraph you led people to believe that you were going for Mirano, but now all of the sudden you're at a tavern? When and WHY did this happen? You have to give us details instead of throwing us down the teddy bear aisle then telling us 'no, we were supposed to go down the chocolate milk aisle.'

He nodded and shoved a full mug my way.


I took a bracing swig[s],[/s] as I walked up the stairs.


Here, also remember to let us know you were going for the stairs instead of just magically appearing there.

Careful to act casually, in case anyone was watching, I opened the door and walked into a cloud of green smoke.


Coughing, I waved my hand in the air chasing the dreamsmoke away.


The room was quite a sight to see. There were candles on almost every surface, and an old man sat in a corner chair.


"Ah, young Shade. It has been a quite some time since you've paid this old man a visit.


"How'd you know it was me, Ryoji?"


The old man was in his early sixties, his once black hair had turned an iron gray, but what was most disturbing was the film over his black eyes; the old man was blind.


"Now Shade, you know very well that there are more ways to see than just with your eyes.


[s]And[/s] I taught you a good deal of those skills you prize so highly


Ryoji banged the table top[s],[/s] with his fist.


Your footsteps sounded worried.


Okay, I'm going to point this out now instead of at the end. You REALLY need to accustom yourself with the proper usage of contractions such as "You're". Each one means a different then and each one can only be used in certain sentences. "You're" is "You Are". "Their" is pertaining to someone(s). If you want to talk about a place, you use "there". If you want to talk about what people are doing, you use "They're". Same with the You's. If you want it to pertain to something that belongs to someone, use "your", whereas if it pertains to something someone is doing, use "you're". Proper usage of grammar has also become an evident issue. There are places where comma's shouldn't be and places where they should. Read more into your piece's grammar usage.

Really I should have known[s],[/s] I'd never been able to get anything passed Ryoji.


Then I remembered why I was here. Sighing, I leaned back on the stool.


I recounted to him what had happened last night starting from the robbery, and ending with waking up this morning.


He is a god of the seventh realm. It is said he has spent so many years watching over the gate between realms that it has become part of him."


I jumped up and started pacing the small room, careful not to knock over the candles.


"Into all life some rain must fall. It is for you to decide whether it is worth the risk, Shade. Besides, a novice like you would only be able to summon a low level Nachi; those give contracts fairly easily."


"Should I?" I thought.


You need to find some way to split up him thinking from him talking. It looks like he's "thinking" outloud.

and more than that


Ryoji took me into the adjoining room; the walls were covered in books and scrolls he had acquired over the years.


[s]And[/s] many people fail in summoning them, but if need be great enough, they will answer.


[s]But[/s] I could tell[s],[/s] this wasn't some gentle earth Nachi. Somehow, against all odds, I had called a rare and powerful fire Nachi to the fourth realm.


And now you are[s],[/s] what you were before.


I knew what happened next. Anyone who'd heard the fairy tales knew.


I gently reached out and laid my hand on the top of the spirit's head.


Surprisingly, the fire didn't burn me. It felt gentle[s],[/s] and warm, as if I was protected


You finally called me, Master.


[s]And[/s] I knew Flare would never leave me, she would love me no matter what.


All in all, the story was alright. You REALLY need to watch your grammar, and remember to never start a sentence with a conjunction unless it is in dialog.
Anti-Peta.

"In Vabbi , I was ambushed by six of them! They wielded blunt wooden sticks and were hissing at me about overdue fines... Bandits? Oh, no. These were library envoys."

-- Vael/Nathanael, Guild Wars: Eye of the North




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I thought it was really good. I would like to read more. :D



Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.
— Robert Brault