Behind the Trees

My love for her is saturated
and i stand still waiting to
discover my souls deepest
thoughts and memories

She's there as well,
though i need to forget
everything about her
my mind aches and my heart shivers

Will i find a new love?
When will her images elude me?
No..No..
I wont. They will never.

Yes i will in the clouds
of my head. I will think
and a new beginning
will emerge out of darkness

I must
Start
Stop and
Begin

I've found them
they weren't hiding
they were there
I was supposed to look
Behind the Trees

I have to say, I'm quite impressed-are you really 13?! This looks more like something someone my age would write!

A couple of small things to do with convention-generally, punctuation marks are placed at the end of every line, and there are several points where you said "i" instead of "I". I would support you if you said you had poetic license to keep those bits as they are, but I can't see why those bits would be like that other than because you simply did not correct them.

This is certainly better than anything I wrote at your age-keep it up and you could become a really good poet!

(oh, and sorry if I sounded at all patronising, it's just I am genuinely impressed!)

Hiya Michael!

Overall, nice poem! You kept to mood of the poem very consistent and it was easy to see how the narrator feels. I have some nitpicks first, though, so I shall point them out line by line.

and i stand still waiting to

Capitalize the I or off with your head! xD

discover my souls deepest

At first when I read this, I thought that you were saying you had more than one soul! But I think you mean 'soul's', right?

thoughts and memories

You need to end with a period after memories. Remember, a poem is much like a story except in stanza form, so you need basically the same punctuation and grammar, save a few exceptions.

though i need to forget

The I! *decapitates you*

everything about her
my mind aches and my heart shivers

I think that the sentence ends at 'her', so put a period after that and capitalize the M in 'my'. So it would read "Everything about her. My mind aches and my heart shivers." Also, I suggest taking the 'my' out before 'heart'. So that would read "My mind aches and heart shivers". It has a bit more flow.

No..No..
I wont. They will never.

That should look like "No... no... I won't. They will never will." Besides that, I like the fact that you're answering your own questions! Nice element.

Yes i will in the clouds
of my head.

*decapitates you twice* Always capitalize the I! Also, put a coma after 'in'.

I must
Start
Stop and
Begin

This stanza confuses me. It kind of disrupts the flow, and I don't understand how you can start, stop and begin? It seems a bit chronologically out of order to me.

I've found them
they weren't hiding
they were there
I was supposed to look
Behind the Trees

This should look like "I've found them; they weren't hiding. They were there. I was supposed to look behind the trees."

And that's all of my nitpicks!


Anywhoo, so I think besides that, it's a very good poem! It's very emotional and that works nicely. My favorite line would have to be:

When will her images elude me?

I like the choice of words there! Lovely!

-Holly

Good work! I honestly was just glancing through it, but the following lines were well executed.


I must

Start

Stop and

Begin



Well spaced.