My guy friend

I see you every day,
Talk to you ,too,
The only problem is,
I just don't know what to do,
I like you way too much,
And I know we're only friends,
That's why I will not tell you,
For fear that it will end,
So that's why I will not tell you,
It would kill me to see this fail,
I don't know if I'll ever tell you,
But we're still friends as far as I can tell

Hey there drama! W...O....W... I didn't expect this kind of poetry from you. It is pretty good, with a few minor mistakes
First of all, please remember to not capitalize every beginning to a line. It makes it hard to read. I loved your rhyme scheme! The only thing that bugged me was that you were going so great, but then, at the very end, you dropped the rhyme! You must fix that.

But we're still friends as far as I can tell

Something about this line bugs me.. Its out of place. Maybe changing it to "Perhaps, together, we can prevail"


Once again, W.O.W.. I really enjoyed this piece!

You rock drama!


*Princess*

Cool poem, very creative and original. Interesting subject that readers can relate to.

First of all, know that since you are only 13, this type of writing is to be expected and no matter how harsh my critique may sound, you do have great potential to create something better than this. Simply put, this is bad.

Technical aspects: The words are simplistic, the style is so blank that it's unnerving, and literally every line seems like something you'd be talking to your friends about. I don't care how many "ideas" you may have, this is simply not poetry. I could take these lines verbatim and change them to this:

"I see you every day (talk to you too). The only problem is, I just don't know what to do. I like you way too much and I know we're only friends; that's why I will not tell you - for fear that it will end. So that's why I will not tell you. It would kill me to see this fail. I don't know if I'll ever tell you, but we're still friends as far as I can tell"

This is the same idea rehashed over and over again without so much as an original thought thrown in. You've even used the customary cliches - "lovers versus friends", "It will kill me to blah blah". I can't see how this is anything more than a diary entry that's been turned into an unfortunate poem, lifted straight off the journal page without any revision.

Poetic Aspects: I don't see anything here that could interest an intelligent reader. Basically, you've told us that you love a guy but can't say so because you two are friends. Come on. Even if you really want to incorporate as shallow an idea as this into your work, at least make it appealing by adding some imagery to make us see the situation from your eyes. Maybe describe the guy. Tell us what you two did together. Give us something.

But anyway, I don't think this poem can stand on its own no matter how hard you try. Get rid of it completely and focus on something that uses poetic techniques and form, most importantly, imagery and visualization of the scene.

Hey, I think this is a good poem and has potential to be great. It really shows the conflicting issue of friends and lovers. But I agree with Galerius, I think you should show the readers more than tell, such as say what you two do together to make you feel like this, describe him, but still keeping in mind the issue. My poetry lecturer is always telling us to show rather than tell, it helps the readers identify more with the poems. But other than that it is a really good poem.