The long way home.

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Would very much appreciate it if you would help me edit this,
Before I submit it to my teacher, thanks :)
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“Remember dear, you must always take the long way home. Shortcuts are not safe.”

Everyday without fail, my grandmother would remind me before I boarded the school bus. That was during my primary school days when I was still an imprudent child. It was only after an appalling incident, that did I learn to wisen up and heed my grandmother’s advice.

Routinely, my grandmother woke up early in the morning, just to remind me the very same thing she had spoken for the past three years without fail. Once again, I dismissed her with perfunctory nod of the head, not even looking at her straight in the eye nor thanking her.

After staying back for English supplementary classes in preparation for the final year exams, the teacher let us off for the day. Packing my textbooks frantically, I slung my back over my shoulder and made a hasty departure out of the school compound. I glanced at my watch and it was already ten minutes past four.

“Darn! My favourite show starts in twenty minutes!” I mutter in frustration, ruffling my hair. The long journey home would take me half an hour and I certainly did not have the energy to run all the way, let alone halfway. Then the thought struck me,

“Just take the shortcut, you’ve done it before and nothing happened. It’s completely safe. Go now, or you’ll miss the show!”

I doubled back and strode briskly into a broad alley which I had ventured into a few times previously. It would significantly cut down the time taken for me to reach home.

There was nothing really sinister about the alley, unlike what you would normally watch on television where it would be pitch black and extremely filthy. There were numerous garbage cans flanking the alley’s twist and turns, and occasionally trash would be found scattered on the ground by careless disposers. The trees that towered over me would shroud the area in slight darkness, allowing little sunlight to penetrate its thick mass of leaves and branches. Other than that, nothing else gave me any reason to feel uncomfortable. The alley was not eerily silent, for the noisy din caused by traffic could be clearly heard.

After turning a few lefts and rights, I recognised the tree whose bark had been pitifully defaced by a messy carving of a heart with the initials of a couple in it, a sign that I was nearly out of the alley.

“Hey there. What’s a pretty young thing like you doin’ here?” A low voice behind me drawled. My heart stopped beating for a moment, before speeding up like a bullet train and thumping loudly against my rib cage.

I stood rooted to the ground, deciding whether to answer him or dart off. Deciding that the chances of outrunning a man were slim, I slowly turned around, my entire frame shaking violently.

“P-please, just take my money and let me go.” I pleaded softly, reaching into my pocket for my purse.

“Silly girl, I’m not a robber. Relax, I’m just trying to be …friendly. You don’t have to be afraid.”

Everything about him screamed “I’m bad news”, from the dishevelled long hair and numerous facial piercings to the tattered clothes. He took a step towards me and I responded instantly by taking a step back.

“Aw, come on, don’t be shy! I won’t hurt you or anything. Your parents ever tell you that it’s good to make friends?”

I mustered up my courage to reply, but my voice shook too hard, betraying my confidence. “B-but n-not with a b-b-bad person.”

By now, I had pressed myself flat against the bark of the defaced tree, the tiny splinters from the carving dug into my back, but I was too paralysed with terror to register the pain. My hands gripped the strap of my backpack tightly, till my knuckles had turned white. Flanking my sides with his hands, he leaned into me, close enough for me to count the beads of sweat on his forehead. I shrank back, but if I had pressed myself any further back, I probably would have fused with the tree.

“So what’s your name, darling?” He leered and exposed his decayed yellow teeth in a mischievous grin. His warm breath washed over my face, reeking heavily of tobacco, making me feel positively nauseous.

“P-please, please d-don’t h-h-hurt me. I b-beg you.” I whimpered, my lower lip trembling. Any colour had been completely drained by then, giving my face the ghostly pale look. A thin sheen of sweat covered my face and I could feel my knees buckling.

“Naw, I just want to have some fun with you. That’s what friends do, right?”

I gulped, not liking the sound of that, understanding what he implied. My eyes travelled to his right hand, which had lifted to caress my cheek and stroke my hair. Panic had set in but I could not force myself to scream for help nor attempt to escape, considering the possibility he might have had a weapon with him. Furthermore, he had me pinned and resistance seemed futile at that point.

“My, my, I have such a beautiful friend.” Smirking, his lustful eyes ran up and down my vulnerable body and I cringed inwardly in disgust.

“My daddy is a policeman!” I blurted, the lie tumbled out of my mouth and it was regretfully too late for me to recall it.

“I ain’t doing anything wrong, am I?” Cupping my chin roughly with his grimy hand, he looked me straight in the eye threateningly.

I did not respond but my trembling body went rigid as he unfastened the top two buttons on my blouse, my eyes widened in horror. Tilting his head up once more to survey me, his thumb fingered my bottom lip and the gap between our faces closed. Instinctively, before he could plant his grotesque lips on my mouth, I abruptly jerked my leg up and kneed him at his weak spot with as much power as I could gather.

A string of expletives burst forth from his mouth and he stumbled backwards, clutching onto his injury, his face scrunched up in agony. Taking this opportunity to flee, I sped off in the direction of home with newly found agility, my backpack bouncing and swinging wildly. I dared not look back to check if I was being pursued, but thankfully I was not.

When I arrived home, only my grandmother was present as both my parents had jobs. I flung my bag down and crumpled into a heap on the floor, erupting into tears. My grandmother was alarmed at my sudden distress and sat next to me, comforting me until I was coherent enough to relate the incident to her.

That night, I received a dressing-down from my parents for disobeying my grandmother and for being so reckless. The matter was reported to the police, but the man was never caught.

Despite the several sincere apologies I had made, my family’s trust was not so easily regained. My grandmother would walk me home everyday from then on, and this would continue on into my first year of secondary school. It was rather embarrassing to need someone to walk you home, but I had deserved it. Gradually, I was allowed to walk home on my own again and would faithfully take the long way home.

I never saw the man nor the inside of the alley again.
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*NOTE* The Primary & Secondary school thing is the Singapore education system.
We don't have high schools and stuff, so ignore it, thanks :)
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
"You'll never walk alone"




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Erm, I think I went overboard with the description and vocabulary,
But I have a word range. At least 1150 words and no more than 1450 words.
Weird numbers, I know. But yeah. Got to fill it up with something :)
So sorry about that.
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
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Wow, I nearly cried reading that.
And my hearteat hasn't rested actually, damn!
Urgh and now you've made me think twice about how I make my way home.
Give that in, because I loved it.
Keep it Old Skool.




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O.O I liked this!
It had a moral behind it and in the beginning it sound a little like little Red Riding Hood! :D
Well, my way home is always the same because there's only one, but this made sense.
LOL Loved it
Keep on writing!
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Whoa, meep! You said that you didn't write well, are you kidding me???? This is AWESOME! Haha, being a Singaporean, I can see why it would be embarrassing to have your grandma walk you to school until secondary school..God, I didn't even have any nitpicks with this!! It was just so fast-paced and...wow...This is a really bad review, sorry...But, I really didn't find anything wrong with this! I don't think you went overboard with the descriptions, I think they just enhanced the story...Great job on this and a gold star for you!!
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Ahaha, it isn't my experience,
And I didn't do well.
B+
The teacher said it strayed off topic.
Because I was supposed to write about "the LONG way home" :/
One of my biggest failures ever D:
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
"You'll never walk alone"




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That was great! I honestly couldn't stop reading, love it! :D
I never really needed you to love me back. You existed, and that was enough.
Please keep existing.




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I have one tiny nitpick with this one but I'm not sure what I'd do to rectify it. (Sry!) The part where she mentions her favorite show...that's a little odd. If I was in her situation, I'd say the name of the show. Of course, it might be a little weird to put the name of a show, too. I really don't know. So yeah, that was one of them.
Ok so now the fun stuff...
The story overall is great--I love the Little Red Riding Hood feel to your story. I'm thinking you did that on purpose, yes? Very cool. It is descriptive but I thought it read just fine. I hope your teacher loved it. (Did he/she???) Oh and my favorite thing...*grins* "expletives"--brilliant word! Love it! Fun to say and not at all overused. Sometimes, it's hard to come up with words that aren't cliché but you do a superb job, Meep! Kudos! :)
"Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him."
-Matthew Henry




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Oops! Sry, didn't read your last post. Too bad about the B+...I bet it would have gotten an A if you'd stuck to the topic. Anyway, the writing part was wonderful. Keep up the good work, girl! :D
"Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him."
-Matthew Henry



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